Real Husbands of Hollywood

Previously on, "Real Husbands of Hollywood"...

- Unless we find him a kidney donor,

he's gonna die within a week.

- It's you. You are a match.

- Ain't nobody gettin' my kidneys.

Coleman, hurry up with my bag.

I gotta get the hell outta here!

What are you doin' here?

- * This is the life, this is the life *

* We got the life, we got the life *

* This is the city where we party every night *

* Party every night

* Just you and me

* Down and to go

* Welcome to Hollywood, welcome to Hollywood *

* Welcome to Hollywood *

Come on, man!

Stop! I'm afraid of the dark!

Ah. I'm afraid of the light.

Put it back on.

- Terry? What the hell is your "Brooklyn 99" ass doin' here?

Why you dressed in a damn prison suit?

Paula picked it out!

Oh, that's Robin.

You know I haven't heard from this fake-ass wannabe superstar

since white people started buying his music

and he dumped the "Real Husbands of Hollywood."

Help!

Help! Hey!

Hey, you, call 9-1-1.

They ain't real, Kevin!

- Just like your damn album sales.

- - Ah!

Live from beautiful downtown Sherman Oaks

California, it's Arsenioooo-- - What's goin' on?

Who's that?

Do something, Robin.

- --oooooooo-- - What's happening?

What's happening?

- - --Hall .

Welcome to the show.

Thank you for being here.

Terry...where's Robin Thicke?

Ah, that is Robin.

You up is what you did.

I suggest you pop a Snicker in his mouth and calm him down.

- I like Skittles. I'm in beast mode!

- Ooh. -

- Ah! - Ah!

- Stop it! I don't want Paula to hear us.

Paula!

Did she hear the album?

Not that Paula, man.

Paula!

Paula... - Arsenio, listen to me.

Now Robin can't say it, but I can.

- Uh-huh. - What's goin' on?

- You're gonna find out exactly what's goin' on, Kevin Hart.

Thank you and welcome to " The Arsenio Hall Show ."

I'm sure you all heard the one about the late-night legend

that came back to television.

- It was beautiful. Until them Jimmys got me.

- Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Beam.

Come on, man.

What are you drinkin' for, Arsenio?

So anyway,

CBS wanted to pick me up for a second season.

We're gonna have a big announcement

so everyone would know.

Jay Leno did a surprise walk-on.

Robin Thicke was gonna do my music.

And the great Kevin Hart was gonna co-host.

Jay Leno showed up.

Guess who didn't show up?

I have a good excuse!

You know " Blurred Lines "?

Yeah, I snorted all of 'em!

- Honesty. I appreciate your honesty.

He lyin'.

That's the same thing he said about Marvin Gaye.

"I was high, Pharrell did that."

- Let me set the record straight.

I didn't steal those songs.

I took 'em!

I'm outta here!

Ah! Ah!

Well I'm outta here too!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Are you puttin' your back into it? What are you doin'?

You wanna give me a hand, man?

- Yeah. I'll help ya out.

- We'll come right back and we'll talk about

Kevin's new movie, " Man on Fire ."

- I ain't got no movie called " Man on Fire ."

- Not yet , but you about to.

- What you doin'? Arsenio.

Arsenio. Arsenio!

Hall.

- Kevin! - Kevin Hartless!

- Where you at, boy? - Kevin Hartless, where you at?

- Why the hell has this boy got a flipper?

Come out here, punk! - Yo, Jack, is he back there?

He not back there, fellas.

- Yo, yo, yo, you know what? He's with Arsenio.

Why would he be with Arsenio?

- Because I knew that the little munchkin might bounce.

So I told Arsenio to wait around just in case he shows up.

- That's smart. - I like that.

I like that.

- Yo, yo, yo, yo. Coleman.

Have you seen Kevin? - Oh, yes, sir.

I was just downstairs, and I saw him leave with...

you know, woof, woof, woof.

- Ah. See? I told you. He's with Arsenio.

They're probably gettin' something to eat.

Oh, okay.

Arsenio. I thought he was with a pitbull.

- That's cool. That's cool.

- Hello?

- Yo. Arsenio. This is Duane.

I'm here with the guys. Do you have Kevin with you?

Oh, God, no, no, don't do it .

- That's Kevin, that's Kevin. -

Help!

Nope, haven't seen him. I gotta go.

Hey!

- Does anybody know where Paula Abdul lives?

Why?

- He's still messin' with Paula Abdul?

- No. He's rentin' a room.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

- Paula Abdul? Are you for real?

She's sexy as hell.

- - You know what?

I bet ya you sputter in bed, too,

that's why Serena left your ass.

What?

Whose idea was this to take Jackie's mama's car?

- It wasn't my idea. That's for sure.

- Look, look, look. All right.

Nobody volunteered so please off right now.

- Jackie, what are you playin' on the radio?

Change it. - No, don't change it!

Uh-oh. - What happened?

Is that an uh-oh or is that * uh-oh

- Nelly, are you tryin' to collect royalties again?

Is that why you always-- - Why you knockin' my hustle?

- That's the only station the car works on.

- Get out! - Let's go.

- See, Duane? Look what you've done, Duane!

- I'm sitting with Kevin Hart, the hottest man in Hollywood.

Or should I say the most flammable?

Arsenio?

- Y'all about to eat me, ain't you?

There's some gingerbread... - Hey, hey, hey.

I need you to be quiet, or else I'll set your ass.

Kevin, don't with me. Be quiet.

Stop blowin' my out.

I'm a-- I need a better lighter.

- You're about to put my black ass in the pot, ain't you?

Arsenio?

What?

What?

I know this non-syndicated mother isn't talking

to me like he's all crazy.

You would think somebody who's been living in my pool house

for a year would have a little bit more respect.

Look, Negro. - Hm?

I'm leaving for Australia.

And I want my God rent when I get back.

- Is that what you called me in here for?

Paula, I'm out here doin' a show.

- Your show's been canceled, Arsenio.

See, honey, they told you what Donald Trump should've told you.

You're fired.

Ah, ah.

Crazy bitch

See, now you understand my fury?

- I don't understand nothin' about you.

I damn sure don't know why the hell you got

Paula's stockin' on your head.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for the clip section of the show.

Move your foot, Kevin!

- If you wanna shoot me, you're gonna have to shoot

my foot first, you mother

- Move your feet, Kevin. - Hey, you want TV, huh?

You just want some TV?

Look, look at that camera. Okay, that's my show.

" Real Husbands of Hollywood ." I can get you on that, man.

It did amazing things for Boris, for Robin, even Jackie Long!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jackie Long is workin'?

Yes, he's workin'.

Arsenio, I will call BET right now and get this done.

- Okay, but who would I replace?

Duane.

- Yeah, Duane is bringin' this show down.

Yeah, he is.

Wait, hold on.