Bala (बाला)

I am sitting on top of everyone's head.

Big or small, I'm the centre of attraction in every mirror

I am a treat for the eyes.

And add likes to your selfies.

I am the hero's style and the heroine's oomph factor.

The secret of your beauty...

...and the permanent crown on your head.

I am treated no less than God.

Because we both get oil in offerings

I am 'Hair'!

The most important factor...

The skin on your head... The protector of your brain...

If you have me, I am a treasure to cherish...

...without I am just a lifelong regret.

I'm an important contribution to everyone's life.

This is the story of one such character.

"Bala."

"Bala."

"Bala."

Good morning, sir.

Good morning. Sit.

Mannerless

Hey Baldy

Meet Balmukund Shukla.

Kanpur's Shahrukh Khan (Star)!

Bala was simply in love with his thick hair.

Ajju...just blow dry it.

Bala, DDLJ style is old news.

K3G style is the new trend now.

In big cities small things keep happening senorita

'The little missy's in school were crazy about this Shahrukh ripoff.'

'Except for his friend Latika.'

Due to my ugly looks, I was named Kubja.

The world mocked me.

No one ever came close to me.

But it isn't my fault...

that the Lord made me ugly.

Let me alleviate your pain forever...

Come Kubja, let me make you beautiful in every aspect.

Hey...

Latika. Give me your science book.

I won't.

Don't be such a spoilsport. Please give no.

As I said, no means no.

Return my notes.

Hi!

I said return my notes...

Hey...

...save these hollow threats for someone else.

Otherwise, when I am done with you...

...you'll regret being born. Hey...

Move.

Wait.

Listen, please...

- What's this? - Bala...

What is it now?

Latika.

Next time you want to impress someone with the notes...

...then focus more on making your own notes rather than mimicry.

Understand.

Shruti, please.

Shruti. Shruti.

What do you think of yourself?

I mean...what's the attitude all about?

Whether I talk to another girl or lend her my notes.

Why does it bother you?

Are you out of your mind?

I am not interested in idiots like you.

And you have no right to be.

With this black face.

All the beautiful girls in school are crazy about me.

And people like you should be banned from even thinking about me.

Dark Kubja.

Not another word from you...

...or else I'll slap you so hard...

you'll bounce all the way to the company garden.

I'll say it a hundred times. You can do whatever you like.

Dark Kubja. Dark Kubja.

Notice the lad's attitude.

It's all because of me

But even the ten headed Ravan's pride was shattered.

And this is just one headed Bala we're speaking of.

"Baldy."

"Baldy."

So, at the tender age of 25...

...Bala had lost 45% of his hair.

I am a rascal...

Doesn't take me long to turn a star into extra.

"Your brother's abuses..."

"...and your standing ovations..."

"And every time I went flat broke in your love.."

"I will never forget..."

"As long as I'm alive...

"As long as I'm alive..."

"As long as I'm alive..."

"Dumping me like yesterday's newspaper."

"And ignoring me whenever I am around."

"I will never forget..."

"I will never forget..."

Very good. Very good.

When I make an exit from your life, I don't exit alone.

I take your happiness, your smile,

and even your 13-year-old steady girlfriend.

- You are so sweet. - Dumps you without a notice.

I had already warned you...

...that she is not trustworthy.

Let's drop this topic.

I've said so many times, I've diabetes, go easy on the butter.

It won't hurt, son. Eat it.

Aim at your mother.

Vihaan, do you want a beating.

- You two have breakfast as well. - Fine... Harder.

I guess they'll have breakfast at lunch break.

Yes brother, you eat because of for your heartbreak, and we'll have at lunch break.

Everyone in this house is a comedian.

See, grandpa...

...he's growing brazen by the day.

Don't get mad at him.

I wish you had focused on off break instead of heartbreak...

...then you would be playing for Ranji like me...

Go on... Go on...

Compare his heartbreak with cricket.

Some mango seeds.

God bless you.

What? Is there an LCD screen on my head that you are staring at it?

It's nothing...

I was just wondering.

Wondering what?

Why did Shruti break up with you?

You want a beating.

Perfect catch.

Why are you digging his wounds?

Bala, you should forget Shruti.

Soon you will find an angel.

Stop carrying this makeup everywhere.

There's no future in selling beauty products, son.

You are an artist, so follow your passion. Understand.

You followed your passion, didn't you?

But where did that get you?

How many people in Kanpur have played for Ranji.

I followed my passion and that got me somewhere.

Don't I want my son to be successful as well.

I am still trying.

When I make a name for myself in comedy, I'll quit this job.

"Baldy."

"Baldy."

"Baldy."

"Baldy."

"Set out like an emperor..."

"Watch him go..."

"He thinks no one's better than him..."

"He's non stop."

- "He's on the top." - Hold this bag.

"He lives in a classical world where he's hip-hop."

- "With his head held high..." - Where to?

- "He walks with pride." - This is important, I'll be back soon.

"Because he believes he's the star of Kanpur."

Bala, how are you?

"Rupan, the more cola you drink...

...sooner you'll explode.

Don't forget."

Don't cross your limits.

Just one more time Rajesh Khanna, please.

Nothing in this world comes for free, aunty.

How many women are you sending from your neighborhood for attending the seminar?

I love it.

You know what...

First, help me out with Insta...

...and then I'll do your job.

You never skip an opportunity to blackmail me.

Here you go.

Show me.

Little more... Just a little more...

- She will be hardly recognizable. - Come on...

I have a question...

What is this seminar you conduct for all the girls?

I have the perfect solution for girls who can't get married.

What has Latika done to you?

Why don't you invite her?

I've never said no.

- Then? - Bring her over.

But don't tell her that I invited her.

Yes, aunty.

What was so urgent?

Actually, I am coming down to your court...

...and we've to attend a seminar together.

What seminar?

Bala's invited us.

And especially you.

Look here, aunty, I am not coming to any stupid seminar.

I know you're a lawyer, but I am the judge in this family.

I am coming down there. And now I am hanging up.

Hello...

...aunty?

You must be wondering why I called you all down here in the middle of the day.

So let me start with my presentation.

These are some matrimonial ads from the leading newspapers.

Meaning Marriage column.

That one factor everyone's stressed on...is fairness.

Education, caste, creed, etcetera all come later.