South Park

I am so sick of that stupid bitch.

Blabbing, prissy little skank!

Why do people talk on the phone like that?

I can't even get a minute of peace

before that bitch walks in holding the cell phone out like this

and talking on speakerphone.

Nobody wants to hear your goddamn conversations you little bitch,

you're not that important!

Yeah, no dude,

I'm telling you it was the worst pain in my entire life.

How many hours were you guys playing?

Like six hours dude.

And my friends were all like 'dude

Cartman we need you to keep playing defense.'

urhggh!

You were playing football?

Yeah but I was like, 'I can't you guys,

I twisted my ankle'.

In the end though they really needed me to play

so I played through the pain.

Know what I'm saying?

That is not what happened

you totally started crying and quit the game!

Kyle, this is a private conversation!

Then take that shit off speakerphone!

Is that that same kid?

Yeah it's that kid Kyle again.

He's a total boner.

Always listening in on my phone calls.

How do we have a choice?

Stop listening to my conversation Kyle!

What are you, the NSA?

Lawrence, remember I was telling

how the government listens to

everyone's phone calls and reads all our emails?

Yeah, yeah you said that.

My dad said the government keeps a data base on everyone.

- Who is that? Is that Toby? - Yeah.

Dude, Toby are you over at Lawrence's?

Yeah we're ditching school.

You're what? What'd you say?

Me and Toby are ditching school.

I'm telling you guys

the government thinks they can do whatever they want

and we don't have any privacy anymore.

Just between you and me,

I think everyone is too stupid to see

what this is all leading to.

Did you guys read 1984?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I didn't read either

but I saw the puppet show version at Casa Bonita.

We have to do something about this.

We need to organize a rally.

That'd be cool.

That'd be what?

It'd be cool.

I know right, a big rally to tell the government

to stay out of our private lives!

I'm gonna email everybody and put it up on my blog pages.

I seriously feel like I'm being spied on right now.

I'm sure the government has a file on me a mile long

that's why this is so important, you know?

Hang on I'm gonna make a video blog

for my 'Stop Listening To Me' website.

Wassup everybody it's me again just kickin' it at my school.

There's gonna be a big rally

to tell the government to stop gathering information on us.

Gonna tweet you all the details

but keep it quiet cuz it's top secret.

You guys gonna update your blogs too?

Dude I can't really hear you Lawrence

are you outside or something?

I said I got your tweet of the address.

Okay. Well, put Toby back on the phone you gotta start

googling everyone the directions to the rally site.

Toby you there, bro?

Yeah, I'm here bro.

Bro you gotta, um, email Dex about the rally

and see if he'll bring petition forms.

Will you please take your rally conversation somewhere else?

Oh hell no you did not just invade my privacy again.

That is the last straw Kyle!

Everybody!

Everybody, hey!

Just so you know

we might have an NSA agent right here at our school.

What's the NSA?

Just so you know.

The government is watching everything you do.

Always watching.

They say it's to keep us safe,

but what price is safety, Kyle?

The government watches everything we do?

Hello?

Hey government.

It's me.

Butters.

I just wanna say, wul,

thanks for watchin' over me and doing everything you do.

And please watch over Mommy and Daddy.

And my friends Stan and Kyle,

Craig and Token.

And even ol' Eric Cartman.

I know he can be a meany sometimes,

but please watch over him too.

G'night government.

Oh yeah!

And thank you President Obama

for making me feel so safe and looked after.

And if it wouldn't be too much trouble,

I'd really like to get a puppy for Christmas this year.

Night, government!

Dude they have gone too far this time!

There is no doubt the government is tracking me.

We're gonna have to put off the rally.

They're spying on you?

Yeah it's right here.

I went to Amazon to see if they had grand theft auto five

and it says '

you might also be interested in the Blu-Ray for Star Trek.'

I'm totally interested in the Blu-Bay for Star Trek.

How did they know that unless

the government is keeping tabs on me?

This is war bro.

Forget the rally.

We have to go hardcore.

Like what?

Alright. Listen,

I'm gonna get a job at the NSA

and then I'm going to put all their secrets up on Twitter.

Nah don't do that.

No dude,

I'm gonna sneak into their headquarters disguised as an employee

and I'm gonna ... hang ... hang on a second, Lawrence.

I think we have a nosey Nancy in the room.

Dude, my Twitter account might already be compromised.

If I'm going to infiltrate the NSA

and get all their secrets out to the public

then I'm gonna need something better than Twitter.

You need that new thing where you don't need to type.

What they already something better than Twitter?

You haven't you seen the Alec Baldwin commercial?

No. What Alec Baldwin commercial?

Hello, I'm Alec Baldwin.

And I love social media.

But sometimes I accidentally tweet things that are homophobic.

I don't think that way,

I just type that way.

That's when I realized,

it wasn't me that was homophobic.

It was my thumbs,

and they needed to be gotten rid of.

Dah!

Dowwww!

So then the problem was,

I don't have thumbs,

but I know that everyone in America

still wants to hear everything I have to say.

Well, that's okay

because now there's a device

that can actually take the thoughts in your head,

and send them directly to the Internet.

It's called Shitter.

Wires are grafted harmlessly into your skull

and any thought you have

is uploaded to the Internet

and on to all your Shitter followers.

I'm at a Yankees game right now.

God I love baseball.

People who take their cats on planes should be shot.

I'm at a really great musical right now.

In 1992, I had sex with the Queen of Monaco.

I had my entire fist up her ass.

Don't let your social media slow down your need

to communicate with the world.

Go direct from thought to Internet with Shitter.

Just finished my Shitter commercial.

Time to do find a pussy sandwich.

Alright. Wassup everybody wassup.

I'm about ready to go to the NSA undercover

and see if I can expose some of their secrets.

You can follow me on my Shitter account

Wait! Shh.

I gotta be careful.

Kyle is here and I'm pretty sure he's trying to listen in.

What the hell are you doing?

Kyle, if you wouldn't mind,

this broadcast is for my Shitter followers only.

What's Shitter?

Don't know if you've heard, but the government is

actually able to monitor all our emails and Twitter accounts.

With Shitter, I don't even need a cel phone,

my thoughts are sent directly to the Internet,

and then to everyone else on Shitter.

Wow!

Yes.

Now as I infiltrate the NSA

I'll be able to broadcast everything to all my Shitter followers.

You're okay with everything you think going up on the Internet.