The Odd Couple

Nice shot, Tyler.

Now let's storm the mothership.

I don't care if you have a math test tomorrow.

Tell your mom this is war!

Hello, Oscar.

Since we left, have you moved

any part of your body other than your thumbs?

That's a pretty personal question there, Felix.

You know, I-I just remembered,

I need to pop back down to the lobby for something.

Felix,

someone will clean those smudges off the elevator buttons.

Well,

you know my theory...

"If you seen it, clean it."

Well, do you need any help? I can come with.

Don't be silly. Stay with Oscar... you can chat.

I don't really get these games.

So, what, you just run around shooting anything that moves?

Seems like you get it.

So what's this one about?

Killing aliens.

Why do they have to die?

I don't know. They just do.

So you're-you're invading some planet

just to destroy the native race?

Again, you seem to understand the game pretty perfectly.

Oh great, Emily.

Thanks for making me die.

Sorry, Tyler.

Yeah, some girl.

Is that my crème brûlée?

I don't know what it is.

It just said "Emily" on it.

Oscar, that's so inconsiderate.

No, what's inconsiderate

is distracting the only hero

that can save the galaxy.

Oh. I am sorry for ruining your game

made for 13-year-olds.

Thirteen...

and over.

What is going on?

Oscar ate the crème brûlée that I was saving.

Which you left in my fridge, in my apartment.

Not a good choice.

For God's sake, you are the two

most important people in my life.

I wish that you could just be better friends.

We don't exactly have a lot in common.

She's right.

Except for pasta and crème brûlée.

You ate my pasta, too?

Well, I wasn't going to start with dessert.

How do you know that you don't have anything in common

when you've never spent any quality time together.

I just had a brilliant idea.

Emily and I have dinner reservations for tonight,

but I think that you two should go instead.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, come on, if you guys became friends

then the three of us can all hang out together.

What do you say?

Please? For me?

For you? Okay.

Oscar?

For you?

Not okay.

Well, then you leave me no other choice.

Remember when you forgot my birthday

and you gave me this?

"Good for one free favor."

"Favor" spelled "e-r," by the way.

I don't remember writing that.

"Even though I'm drunk, this still counts."

Let me see that.

Hi.

Ooh, don't you look nice

for your big date with Oscar.

It's not a date.

It's a mandatory friendship summit.

Come on, Oscar's not that bad.

Yeah?

Yesterday he growled at me.

Were you holding food?

If you had food in your hand, you could lose a finger.

Hey, guys. Where's Oscar?

He's getting ready for his date with Emily.

Ooh, dating both roommates?

It's always the shy ones.

Ooh, Teddy, could you do me a favor?

Um, I would be so grateful

if you could look this contract over.

Sure. What's it for?

Well, I just got offered

to do the voice-over

for a Brooklyn Bridge Carpet commercial.

Oh, my God.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

They heard me on Oscar's show

and they said my voice was the perfect blend

of spunk and crunk.

- That's code for black. - Mm-hmm.

It shouldn't take too long.

The producer said the contract's pretty standard.

Yeah, they always say that,

especially when they're trying to screw you over.

Yep, right here.

A flat fee with no residuals or bumps?

Bumps? What are bumps? I want bumps.

Absolutely. You're worth more than this.

Just sit back and let Teddy work his magic.

- Oh! Teddy's going to work his magic. - Yay.

All right, let's get this over with.

Oscar, tuck in your shirt.

You can't eat foie gras looking like a vagrant.

Grown man. Grown man.

- Are you sure that you can't come with? - Yeah.

No, tonight is not about me.

It's about my bro and my girlfriend

forming a beautiful friendship

over the fatty liver of a force-fed goose.

Come on. Oh, wait, I want to get a shot.

Just one. Ready?

Okay. And here we go.

Great, ah, hmm? Yeah.

Smile.

You're going to dinner, not a funeral.

Night's young.

Oh, great, action shot.

Look at that. There we go.

Okay, and, give me a thumbs up.

That's not a thumb.

I think we're ready to order now.

I will have whatever salad you can eat the fastest.

Yes, and what's that steak you don't have to cook?

Tartare, right? I'll have that.

Actually, you don't have to worry about ordering.

Mr. Unger called and arranged a tasting menu for you.

11 courses.

And he wanted me to tell you to,

"Treat your taste buds as you become best buds."

He won't even let us order our own food?

Oh, come on, he's not that bad.

It's from Felix.

"Don't fill up on bread."

Oh.

"Don't let Oscar fill up on bread."

His heart is in the right place.

He just wants us to become friends.

No, he's a great guy.

I just wish he wasn't so...

Controlling?

Exactly.

Can I tell you a secret?

Is this about your snaggle-toe?

'Cause Felix already told me.

No.

Sometimes before he takes me to these fancy restaurants,

I sneak down to Langford's and I eat a bacon cheeseburger.

Really? I never pictured you for a burger fan.

Have you ever been to Duffy's Tavern in the Village?

Where they name the burgers after famous people?

Yeah, I love that place.

My favorite's the Sonny Bono, because it's so big...

You have to Cher.

Yeah.

Wrapped in bacon, covered in onions.

Ah, it's dripping in cheese. It's so good.

Your first course: one raw sea urchin,

finished with an absinthe foam reduction.

I think mine's still moving.

Mine, too. Burger?

Burger.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Hi.

Ho, ho.

There they are.

Tell me everything.

I've never been more excited to find out

what another man did with my girlfriend.

We actually had a really nice time.

What was your favorite course?

Oh...

That is hard to say.

Yes, they were all so good.

I think maybe the... snails?

The fifth-course snails or the eighth-course snails?

Eighth?

There are no eighth-course snails. What is going on?

Okay, fine, we bailed on your fancy place and got burgers.

What?

Yeah, but the important thing is we had a great time.

Just like you wanted us to.

That was the goal.

But why are you so late,

if you just had hamburger sandwiches?

Well, we were walking through Chinatown