Underdog Kids

- Yo, come on, man. - James! James!

- Come on, man. - What about the kids?

Don't you dare call them kids. Those are not kids.

Those are little animals, man. No. No.

- I can't do it. I can't do it, no. - Sure, you can.

No, no, look, I don't even want you to pay me to teach them.

All right? No, no.

I can't pay you, but I would if I could.

Listen, that one with the attitude, man, I can't deal with him.

- Well... - I'm not here for that, okay?

One of them keeps farting. No, I gotta get out of here, man.

- I can't do this, man. - Wait, wait, wait.

What about the tournament?

You can't quit now.

Charlie...

watch me.

But...

Now what?

- Awesome. - Mm-hmm, yes. Thank you.

Next.

Ooh.

- Inspiring. - Yeah. Thank you.

Impressive.

Next.

- Ooh. - Great balls of fire.

You gotta keep your chin down.

What?

I said you gotta keep your chin down.

Uh, excuse me, mister,

but I believe you're disturbing our concentration.

Wait, let him speak.

Yes, let him speak.

So what do you know about karate?

A little.

Like what?

I know that if you keep your chin down,

you won't lose balance.

And how do you know that?

I just know.

Bullsha.

Are you here for an audition?

No.

Can you show us?

Maybe some other time.

I knew it. All talk and no action.

He thinks he's all tough with his leather jacket.

- Come on, guys. - And his glasses.

Okay.

I'll show you.

So, who wants to hold the pad?

- He does. - Careful.

Okay.

Put it up.

Which... what are you knuckleheads trying to do?

Break a window or what, for crying out loud?

Charlie.

Jimmy.

You came.

You're all back together again.

Look at you.

Charlie, how come you're limping?

Ah, it's just a hip.

I'm just getting old, you know?

It's nothing. It warms up.

Hey, listen, did you eat?

No, not yet.

I gotta... I gotta take you someplace.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Where are you taking me, Charlie?

You're late.

- Hey, Big Mama. - Hey, Charlie.

I brought you a surprise.

Well, for heaven's sakes!

Hey, Big Mama. How are you doing?

Boy, we have not seen you in this neck of the woods

for a long time.

Last time I heard, you hit it big.

Then it hit me that you got hit by a bus or something?

- Semi. - A what?

A big truck.

Oh, semi, big truck... What do I know, Charlie?

I just heard you got hurt really bad.

So, tell me, Jimmy, are you coming home for good

or are you just visiting?

No, I'm just visiting.

Jimmy's training for his big fight.

What?

Boy, are you gonna fight again after all that?

Are you crazy?

Can't give up now.

Besides, it's the only thing that I'm good at.

Well, if you're gonna fight, you gotta eat.

So what can I get for you, sugar?

- Charlie? - Get the special.

- The special. - You got the special. Charlie?

- I'll have my Hebrew. - Your Hebrew dog.

Uh-uh! You know good and well your money is no good here.

Now you put that back in your pocket.

That's on me.

All right, give me a special and a Hebrew dog for my Charlie.

This is a bad idea.

Why do you keep saying that?

Because I hate kids, Charlie.

They smell and they're a pain in the butt.

Just give it a chance, okay?

Hey, kids!

Gather up here.

I want you to meet

the former mixed martial arts champion of the world

Jimmy "the Lightning Bolt,"

your new coach.

I bet a dollar you won't last one week.

I'll give him two weeks, tops.

Hi, kids.

- Hi, Valerie. - Hi, Charlie.

- How was class today? - We didn't have class today.

You still couldn't find a teacher?

No, I found a replacement.

Meet Jimmy. Jimmy, this is Valerie.

Valerie is Sean and Alex's aunt.

- How are you doing? - Hi.

- Nice meeting you. - A pleasure.

Auntie, this is Jimmy the Lightning Bolt.

Jimmy the Lightning Bolt?

Isn't he awesome? Look at him.

Look at his jacket.

He's a former MMA champion.

Oh, a former MMA champ, huh?

Kids, go get ready, okay?

Charlie, can I have a word with you?

Would you excuse us for a moment?

- Sure. - Thanks.

Are you kidding me?

An MMA champ named Lightning Bolt?

- Well, uh... - Are you crazy, Charlie?

And who names their kid Lightning Bolt?

Well, when Jimmy was a kid,

he was struck by lightning...

...and he lived.

That's how he got his name.

And he's a great guy when you get to know him.

Valerie, Jimmy is like a son to me.

And I trust him with my life.

"Jimmy the Lightning Bolt,

an orphan boy grows up to become an MMA champion."

That's what Charlie meant.

He doesn't have any family.

"Jimmy the Lightning Bolt hospitalized."

What?

"Saves a five-year-old boy from a runaway truck."

What?

"Champ may never be able to fight again.

Career ruined."

Listen, you've been out of the fight circuit for over three years,

and fight years are like dog years.

Well, I was in a little accident, remember?

Yeah, everybody remembers,

which is why nobody wants to insure you.

Look, Geno, I'll sign a waiver, okay?

I'll do anything.

Just get me back into the cage, all right?

Jimmy, you're not getting any younger.

- What did you say? - Okay, you know,

I may have something in the meantime, all right?

The Shapiro bar mitzvah. It's a sweet gig, too.

All you do, you dress up like a ninja.

About halfway through the ceremony, you drop out of the ceiling,

you go up onstage, you fight this kid.

And believe me, he's not a big kid, so...

It pays $500, but the kid does get to beat you up.

I'm gonna pretend like I didn't hear that.

All right. I'm trying.

- Geno, just get me a fight, will ya? - I'll try.

What if I made it so you could beat up the kid and then... okay, forget it.

Excuse me, Mr. Lee?

What?

Aren't you gonna teach us?

So what do you wanna do?

Um...

maybe we can start with some punching drills?

Why do we have to start with punching drills?

Okay, you guys wanna do blocks?

Man, blocking is for the birds.

Why don't we just go right into sparring?

It is a known fact that without proper sparring equipment,

one can get seriously injured, maimed, or knocked unconscious.

Man, you're just scared and you know it.

No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are. - Not.

- Then back it up! - Hey, hey, hey.

Break it up.

From now on, I will lead and you will follow.

No questions, no objections. You got that?

Hey, Alex, what's an objection?

That's what lawyers always say to the judge.

Quiet!

Get back in line.

If you guys keep talking,

I'm gonna give you guys 10 push-ups on your knuckles.

On our knuckles? Man, that's B.S.!