My Three Sons

Somebody answer the door!

Hey, Chip, Dad wants you to answer the door.

Oh, yeah. Where are the Azores?

Hey, get the door!

If it's Jean, tell her I'll be right down.

Come on in, Tramp.

Hi. Hi.

Is, uh... Is this the Douglas residence?

Yes, sir.

Well, is the lady of the house in?

Bub, somebody wants to see you!

Cook the dinner, clean the house,

wash the dishes, answer the door.

I don't know what they'd do around here...

Madam, I know you're simply going to...

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Oh, that's all right.

Happens all the time.

What you peddling?

Well, uh, cosmetics.

: Oh, boy!

Have you got the wrong house!

Oh?

I'm the nearest thing to a lady around here.

Come back when somebody's married.

Yes, I'll-I'll do that, sir.

That'll be that.

Bub, I can only find one black sock.

I just wash 'em, I don't pair 'em up.

Hey, Robbie, you have any

of my black socks in your room?

I don't know. I just wear 'em.

I don't check the colors.

Thanks a lot.

Dad, where are the Azores?

They're probably right where you threw 'em.

Is "in the ocean some place" a good enough answer?

Well, that's a good start, but, uh...

Here, why don't you take a look and see

if they aren't still around Portugal somewhere.

Hey, that's mine. I got it.

I got it. That's mine.

I've got it, Robbie.

Give me the phone...

I've got it now. I've got it.

That was for me.

Hey, does it have to be two falls out of three

every time the phone rings around here?

Your grandfather's right. I'll take it.

I'm expecting a call, Dad.

Well, so am I.

Hello.

Who?

Yes, he's here.

I told you it was for me.

No, it's for me. It's for Chip.

Chip? Chip?

Me?

It's a girl.

Jeepers, does everybody have to look?

Hello.

Where'd you get my phone number?

And what do you want?

Chip!

We're supposed to study from page 11 to page 13.

Good-bye.

Hey, Chip, who's your girlfriend?

She's not my girlfriend!

Are you engaged yet?

You know what you are, Robbie Douglas?

You're a great big dumb.

You don't have to get sore.

We're only kidding.

Sure we are, Chip.

When are you getting engaged?

Hey!

Really wants to fight.

Chip, come on. Look out, you're gonna tear his shirt.

Now, stop it. Jeepers, maybe he is engaged.

I said knock it off, Robbie. Yeah...

My shirt. Now, stop it. That's enough.

Well, jeepers, tell him to quit it.

That dumb girl.

Chip, why don't we go out

and give Bub a hand with the dishes, huh?

You great big dumb.

What surprises me, Robbie, is how a guy

with feet as big as yours keeps putting them in his mouth.

Well, let's see.

You dry.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

Chip, uh, who was the girl on the phone just now?

Nobody. What do you mean nobody?

She must have a name.

That dumb Dorine Peters.

Dorine Peters, huh?

You were sort of rude to her on the phone.

What's the matter? Don't you like her?

If she were a bug,

it sure would be fun to step on her.

What did she do, beat you out of something,

or throw you out at first base, or what?

Worse than that.

She-She hangs around all the time.

Makes goof eyes at me.

Goof eyes?

Yeah, every time I turn around, she's looking straight at me

with her clunky old eyes.

How do you mean?

Like this.

Goof eyes.

Well, Chip, I think you ought to feel flattered.

Sounds like this girl has a crush on you.

No, she hasn't.

She's in love with me.

She say that?

Sure, she tells everybody.

Last Valentines Day,

everybody gave each other a nickel valentine,

and she gave me a 50 cent one.

Hmm. Greater love hath no woman.

Huh?

Oh, nothing.

I can see you have a problem, Chip.

You probably get embarrassed when she does these things

in front of your friends, hmm?

The guys call me Hot Lips Douglas.

Hot Lips Douglas?

Well, I don't think this is any reason

to be unkind to Dorine.

Yeah, but who wants to get married

in the second grade?

Oh, she wants to get married, huh?

Sure. If I hadn't kicked her in the knee a couple times,

we would have been married in the first grade.

Oh.

Mr. and Mrs. Peters announce the marriage

of their daughter Goof Eyes to Hot Lips Douglas.

Well, I can understand you not wanting to get married,

uh, Chip, at least for a year or two.

So, if you want to avoid her, and I gather you do,

why, do it in a way that...

well, so you don't hurt her feelings, you know?

I mean, I wouldn't do any more of this,

uh, kicking her in the knee.

But jeepers, I wouldn't care...

Chip, what is a gentleman?

A kind man, Dad.

That's right, and do you think

you're being kind to Dorine Peters?

I get sick to my stomach just when you say her name.

Now, look, Chip, why don't you try being patient with Dorine?

At least for a little while.

She'll get over this. When?

Well, I couldn't tell you exactly, but she will.

How about giving it a try?

Well... okay.

Good.

You'll just have to remember, Chip, that, uh,

"we handsome Dougla" are always going

to have this little problem.

Yeah.

It's a real drag, isn't it?

Hey, Bub, don't go out there.

Well, how am I gonna get the paper, with a sky hook?

If you go out there, she'll ask you if I'm home,

and you'll have to say yes,

and I'll have to go out there and talk to her.

Who? That dumb Dorine Peters.

Well, now, what's wrong with her?

She-She looks pretty cute to me.

Boy, have you got busted eyes.

Yeah? Well, when it comes to looking at women,

my eyes are as good as...

Uh-oh. The cat's out the bag now.

Your father's home.

Is he talking to her?

Okay, Hal. See you tonight.

Thanks for the ride.

Hello there.

Hello. Are you Chip's father?

Yes, I am.

How do you do?

I'm Dorine Peters.

Oh, yes, I've heard about you.

How are you, Dorine?

I've been to the store.

Yes, I see you have.

Will you tell Chip to come out here for a minute?

I'd holler, only it isn't ladylike.

Well, Dorine, I'm, uh...

I'm not sure whether Chip is home or not.

Yes, he is.

He keeps peeking out the window.

Oh, he does.

Well, in that case, I'll, uh, get him right away.

Thank you.

Come back here, you coward.

Jeepers, Bub, Dad'll make me go out there.