Last Man Standing

Oh, boy. Working at my desk.

I think I'd rather walk in on you and my brother.

Hey.

Hi, honey. I needed more space.

We talked about this.

You working at my desk was a one-time experiment that failed, like Obamacare.

Mike, my desk is ridiculously small... (Sighs)

...and I have all these midterms to grade.

There just wasn't enough room for the tests and... oh, my tears.

Why didn't you just use the kitchen table?

I tried. I-I can't focus near cake.

Come on, we... we've shared spaces a lot smaller than this.

Oh, remember our Leetsdale apartment?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Used to dream about moving into a tollbooth so I could have more elbow room.

I loved that place. Yeah.

You know, we had that foosball table,

and... and we would cut out magazine pictures and put them on the walls.

Yeah. Well, we didn't have money for art.

Mm.

We blew all our money on luxuries, like heat and soap.

Well, we may not have have had a lot of space or stuff, but we had fun.

Yeah, good story. Yeah.

Anyhow, let's fast-forward to the part

where we have a big home and we're rich.

All right.

Mike, just give me an hour, and I'll get out of your hair.

Okay, well, how much time have you been here?

I want that to count against your hour.

I promise, when you need to work at the desk, then I'll be happy to move.

Okay.

I need to work at my desk.

Really?

I need to work at a way not to share my desk.

They're called She Sheds. Yeah?

It's like a Man Cave for women.

So, instead of the football stuff and cigars, we have taste.

Cool, right?

It doesn't have to be cool.

I just have to get your mom in it.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

So, what are you doing over there?

We just might've solved your problem about using my office.

I don't have a problem with that.

Well, whoever's problem it is, I'm gonna fix it.

Stand here.

I want you to look out by the back of the fence.

See that area right there?

That's gonna be your new office.

In the birdhouse? No, no.

The birds go in the birdhouse.

Why are you always trying to take somebody else's space?

Ah, no.

Listen. No, no, no, no.

Left of that, that little flat area, I'm gonna build you your own...

She Shed!

A shed?

Well... A shed?

So I'm on the same level as a lawn mower now?

No.

There are custom-built sheds, like something you have a home.

It's... it's like a house that'd be outside, like an out...

That's not right. No.

Here, check them out.

She Sheds are super trendy.

Bethenny from "Real Housewives" has one.

Yeah, Bethenny has one.

It's the perfect place to work or unwind

or throw a glass of Chardonnay in your frenemy's face.

You like Chardonnay.

Okay, let's stop.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Uh-huh.

They're actually pretty nice.

Yeah. Yeah.

You... you would build one of those for me?

Anything for my beautiful lawn mower.

Yeah, but it'll take too long.

I need space now. No, no, no, no, no, no.

These come in kits.

I could build one of those in three days.

I'll get Kyle to help you.

All right, 12 days.

Okay. Well, yeah. Yes!

Good, great. Go for it.

By the way... What?

"That's what she shed."

I can't believe I still get butterflies in my stomach

about "Employee of the Month."

I should be used to it. I've won, like, a zillion times.

And I've swallowed a butterfly.

W-where's Ed? I do not have time for this.

Hey, hey, I know who's gonna win.

But I shouldn't say. I don't want to spoil it.

But I'll give you a hint... Me.

Thanks, the suspense was killing me.

Really, this is... this is all killing me.

I don't want to brag, but it's not like anyone else had a chance

after I came up with Break Room Bingo.

Yes. Because before that, all you could do in the break room was relax.

I can already taste my riblet basket

I will be buying with my $15 gift card to Applebee's.

That's all you get?

Well, that and a bucket full of "feel good."

Thank you all for coming to this mandatory gathering.

It's that time again where we hand out the "Employee of the Month" award,

where we celebrate the one employee whose job is secure.

Only kidding. I don't care how many times you've won this thing.

You slack off, you're gone.

Anyway, moving on. All right, this month's winner is...

Keep it together, Kyle.

Act like you've been there before.

...Kristin Baxter!

Cool, thanks. That's...

Okay, let's get back to work!

Smile through it, Kyle.

Smile through the tears.

All right, it's got to go down a tad.

Up, up, up a hair. Up a hair.

That was a full smidge.

Don't you guys know your construction terms?

No, I don't. I guess I'm done here.

You're done here? Yeah?

Who helped you move your washing machine?

The kid next door.

Who told you to ask the kid next door?

For three days, you've been promising me pizza.

Where is my damn pizza?

Just be happy, like Kyle.

Kyle, you're happy to work, right? (Sighs)

Oh, yeah, I love helping you, Mr. B.

You know, but when you first asked me, I thought you said "Sheep Shed."

We had one of those when I was a kid. Uh-huh.

When I couldn't sleep, I used to go in there and count them.

Which backfired.

Because for having hooves,

they are are surprisingly good at stealing blankets.

I'm just saying I'm glad it's not a Sheep Shed,

you know, because the friends you make in there you eventually eat.

That's farm life.

So, they could be batting its eyelashes at you in the morning,

then be swimming in gravy on your plate that night.

I need you to go to the hardware store.

Yeah. What do you need?

I just need you to go to the hardware store.

On it, sir.

You know, Baxter, I'm impressed that you're doing this for Vanessa.

Well, she needs the space, you know?

Sometimes I feel terrible

looking at her work at that cramped, little desk of hers.

And other times I go, "Hell, I make more money."

This is gonna be some sanctuary.

Lucky her. Mm-hmm.

Out here all isolated. Love it.

Plus, it's got one thing my office doesn't have.

A nice person in it.

A door. I've always wanted my office to have a door.

You can shut the world out.

Just be in all by yourself with your thoughts and a big plate of nachos.

But this is for Vanessa, right?

Yeah, yeah, but I'm worried.

She won't like it way out here 'cause it's so lonely.

Wait, you mean I'm wasting my weekend

building a shed that's not even gonna be used?

I'm a tad... No, I'm a full smidge pissed.

Calm down. We're gonna finish the project.

But I'm thinking maybe turning this She Shed into a He Shed.

So you're just gonna take it from her?

No, I'm not gonna take it from her.

I'm gonna convince her that she doesn't really want it.

And that it would be a better idea if I had it.

That way we'll both be happy.

That's a lot of dominoes, Baxter.

Good luck.

Sometimes I wonder why that woman stays married to you.

I think you need to go to the hardware store.

Surprise!

Well, I'm, uh... definitely surprised.

Oh, you... you don't like it.

No, no, no, no, no. It's... it's just...

I-I mean, I know you didn't have a ton of time... Yeah.

...but it just... it looks nothing like the pictures.

It seems less like an office

and more like a place you'd be taken for a whuppin'.

Well, technically, whuppin's happen behind sheds.

But I-I-I get it. It's ...It's just not great.

It's just, uh... It's kind of cold in here, too.

Yeah, well, it is a shed. Yeah.

But the good thing is, in the summer it's uncomfortably hot.

So it kind of balances out.

Oh.

I guess... I guess I could just... I could put a desk right here.

I'm putting it right there.

No, I... what I mean, you'd have your desk right here.

Let me...

What, are those mousetraps?

Well, the... the little ones are.

The big ones are for skunks.

Let me handle rodent control.

You know what? I know.