Last Man Standing

So lame.

All anyone's talking about is this election.

It's ruining twitter.

Mandy, you should be excited.

This will be your first time voting.

I believe I speak for all of america

when I say, let her sit this one out.

So, I assume you're gonna be voting for the president?

Um, everyone's voting for the president, right?

And a bunch of laws and stuff.

I mean, are you voting for obama?

Oh. I don't know, kris. Mom, who are you voting for?

I am not telling.

That has been my policy since bush/dukakis.

What's a dukakis?

A small greek man from massachusetts

who climbed into a tank one day

and disappeared forever.

Hey, your father was not a fan.

You know, I actually agree with dad on this one.

No governor from massachusetts should ever become president.

Hey, hey, hey!

The secret ballot is a cornerstone of our democracy,

and having a few secrets from your father

is the cornerstone of our marriage.

So... let's keep the peace by keeping this zipped...

Oh... And this, too.

Come on. You know how much dad loves a good argument.

Yeah, and so do I, unless it lasts for three hours

and focuses mainly on the federal reserve.

Whew!

Boy, some big dog dumped something on our lawn.

Whew!

You mean somebody put a sign with the name of our president

on the lawn? Who could that have been?

I can't believe this.

You don't mow the lawn,

and now she's actively defacing it.

We're having a nice tri-tip tonight. What...

everybody like that? Yeah, that's good. Oh! Mm, yeah.

Okay, there are, like, a million romney signs out there.

I thought you were the one that likes things,

you know, fair and balanced.

You wanna start this up... goes great with chimichurri.

I love chimichurri sauce. That'll be good on there.

I thought you voted republican last time.

Oh, yeah, I know you... you thought that.

I just... i just couldn't bring myself to vote

for a woman who likes to shoot wolves from a helicopter.

So you vote for a-a guy from kenya instead?

You've got it mixed up, okay? Obama was not born overseas.

Overseas is where romney likes to hide his money.

Ohh...

Oh, my god, this is so boring!

Wait, wait. We haven't even gotten

to the federal reserve yet.

Oh, don't get me started on this.

You know, aaron burr shot alexander hamilton

ten years too late in my book.

Mommy! Whoa!

There's my little man. Mmm!

How was your night at your dad's?

Daddy's bed comes right out of the couch!

Well, great.

Seamless transition from sitting around doing nothing

to... laying around doing nothing.

Dad. I've been working hard ever since I got back to denver.

I've been at the ice factory six months now.

You work at an ice factory.

Wow. You know who could do your job better?

January.

Wow.

Hey, cool obama sign, mike.

Glad to see you're coming around.

I'm not coming around.

I yanked that out of my yard so I could throw it out,

make room for my romney signs.

Oh, yeah, I saw those out there, just flopping around

whichever way the wind blows.

You know, romney is a doer.

It's easy to be consistent like obama

when all you've ever done is "organize communities."

He did a great job with that south side of chicago,

boy, didn't he?

It runs like a watch down there.

You can't wear one, you know?

Honey, back me up on this.

Yeah, these tough economic times call for a good businessman.

There you, go. Thanks, honey.

Of course, it's the businessmen

who got us into these tough economic times.

Where does she stand?

Nobody knows!

Hmm. Flip-flopping.

Sounds just like your candidate, dad.

Yeah, like your candidate,

she thinks it's good to feed freeloaders.

That sounded like a dinner invitation to me.

Fantasy football time?

Yeah. Today's the trading deadline.

People are making moves like crazy.

Grown men playing fairy tale football.

We got a fantasy team of employees,

and none of you are on it!

Close up the computers!

You've gotta go to work. Close 'em up!

Right. Yeah... I can't believe how much

they're into that fantasy football.

Shh! So wait a minute. You found out

my quarterback is injured,

and you called just to gloat. Is that it?

Yeah, well, I plan on winning this thing,

and I will not lose again

to a cold, black-hearted shark like you!

Your daughter eve says hello.

That was eve on the phone?

She's won three years in a row.

I have a plan to bring down that she-devil.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm sorry.

I know. I'm sorry.

How come you're not this passionate about the election?

I don't vote anymore. They just break my heart.

Like nixon!

The man was a giant,

and he quit without even putting up a fight.

So... so you're good with four more years

of big government bailouts?

And a first lady who doesn't believe in sleeves?

Well, with guns like that, who can blame her?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Mitt needs your help.

Can one of the other guys help him?

Mr. Alzate texted he wanted to see me.

All right, all right. Ah, thanks for coming. Yeah.

So, once again, the football gods

have been unkind to you, huh? I know.

I've had a rough year. Yeah.

My strategy of not drafting anyone with a criminal record

seems to have backfired.

Well, you have to figure that stuff out.

Well, I have a shot at winning this year, all right?

I want you to trade me your quarterback.

I want aaron rodgers.

I don't know. It wouldn't be fair

to the rest of the league if I gave you rodgers.

And besides, he's the heart and soul

of my locker room, and he works with underprivileged kids...

Ah. In my fantasy community.

I live alone.

Yeah. That's all right. I understand.

You keep rodgers. Okay.

Go ahead.

And, kyle, could you sweep the parking lot today?

All right.

Uh, but is this just a coincidence,

or are you punishing me

because I wouldn't make this trade?

I wouldn't punish you, son.

You have principles, and I respect that.

Now grab a broom...

And the bear costume.

Ed's pressuring kyle to trade him aaron rodgers.

Excuse me? For his fantasy team.

You work with the guy, and I get no intel on this?

What's the point of sending you to that office every day?

There's things going on in this country

that will change the course of human...

wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold that thought.

Oh, yes!

I JUST GOT DARREN McFADDEN!

Oh, oh, oh, yeah!

Yeah! Ed can have aaron rodgers now, man!

This is huge!

Whoo!

Did you just mention an oakland raider

in a denver bronco household?

McFADDEN'S NOT JUST A RAIDER ANYMORE, DAD.

He's a raider. He... he's the new starting tailback on my fantasy team,

the three faces of eve. Yeah, baby!

And all three of those faces are saying, "suck it, ed!"

Listen. The raiders are sworn enemies of the broncos.

It's like the crips and the bloods,

both of whom are raiders fans.

Sorry, dad.

But as the great al davis said,

"just win, baby!"

That's another name we don't say in a bronco house!

Boyd, hurry up! Your dad's waiting!

I have to get that boring toy daddy gave me!

You told me I have to play with it

so he won't feel bad!

Mandy, honey, I found this voter's guide

so you can study for the election.

Study? Mom, how hard can it be?

Nana votes, and she tried to buy our groceries with buttons.

Mandy, it's a good idea to be informed

about the issues before you step into that booth

and pull the curtain. You're gonna love it, mandy.