Unrelated

Guys, guys. Guys.

Guys.

It's all right. It's Anna. It's Anna. Yeah.

- Anna. Hi. How was your journey? - Hi, Badge.

- It was fine, thanks. - I thought you were coming with Alex.

At the last minute he got some work, so...

- Hi, Jack. - Hi, Anna.

Mum retired.

Yeah, Mum's tired so Sis'll show you your room.

- She's really tired. - Sure, don't worry. I'm tired, too.

Can I take your bag for you? Are you all right with that?

It's OK. I'm OK with it, thanks.

Have some of this!

- Buongiorno! - Buongiorno.

No, um...

How have you been?

Darling. So lovely to see you.

You're all wet.

Sorry, I went for a run up the hill. I'm sorry.

- You're settling. - I know, I know. - Good.

- How was your flight? - It was fine, thanks.

- Sorry I didn't see you last night. - Don't worry about that. - So tired.

- All at their best weight. Hello. - Hi. - Hello.

- Have you met yet? - We almost met this morning. George.

- Hello. - Hello, darling, you all right?

Ooh. Where's Alex?

I'm really sorry. At the last moment he had work and couldn't make it.

I would have called but it all happened really quickly.

He's disappointed he couldn't come.

I'm sorry. I would've loved to have seen him.

It's just me. I'm sorry.

In that case...

Darling. Aww.

- Anna, this is Archie. - Hello, Archie. - This is Anna.

Old friend of mine from London. You know, Archie... Look at him.

He's grown another ten inches since the last time you saw him.

Oakley, this is Anna.

My cousin George's son.

Alex.

Hello, Alex.

Are you OK?

I'm sorry about some of the things I said.

All I said was I wanted to be alone for a bit.

It isn't as simple as that.

I'm going to go. OK.

Bye.

- Piglet? - No!

Well, that's a relief. Um...

- Kanga. Tigger. - No!

- I'd like to be Tigger. - Darling, I'm Tigger.

I want to be Tigger. Umm... Ee...

Eeyore.

- Yes! - Well done. Very good.

Very impressive.

Excellent!

May I? So weird, you think you're being sort of restrictive.

- I know! I mean... - Excellent. You got that very quickly.

- Another one? - Do I get a prize?

Your prize is to pour yourself a glass of wine.

- Do you want another glass? - What are you drinking?

I don't know, I think I might go to bed, actually.

- The night is... - We'll do another round.

Is she enjoying herself?

Yeah. It's good for him to have a bit of time.

Come on.

Good night, sweetie. Night, night.

Good night, love. See you tomorrow.

Don't be long.

- Chuck it in! - What about Sambuca?

We got it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And they're off.

Ooooh!

Oy! You can't get away like that!

We had a few beers and we had the bottles

and we went across the palazzo, went up to the big doors.

We're, like, knocking on them, like, "Is anyone in there? Is anyone in?"

And, we didn't hear anything,

- so we pissed up against the door. - That was fucking stupid.

No!

And then some twat must have spoken to someone

because we were, like, chased by the Italian police up this alley.

This is when they lost the two of us.

Me and Archie were still stuck in the camper.

You guys ran off.

That's such bollocks.

- You were fucking useless. - Guys...

And the carabinieri were chasing us up this alley.

Jack.

- They were... had up against... - Jack.

Anna, just don't tell the olds, yeah?

- Don't worry, of course I won't tell. - Cool.

I'm not really very sure of myself and I don't like big spaces.

In fact, I have my own home. What I like doing is crawling into holes away from...

That's Archie, isn't it? I thought you were... Do the animal now.

OK, that's really funny.

Are you a beetle, darling? Are you a beetle

No. I am a mouse.

He's a little mouse.

Last two?

- Me? - Anna, do you want a cigarette?

No. She doesn't smoke.

In fact, I've got a very good story about Anna and smoking.

- Can I tell it, Anna? - Really?

- Yes. School. Don't you remember? - Well, I will.

It was wonderful. No-one ever asked Anna to come

because, well, people didn't ask you to join in for those sort of things, did they?

And I remember thinking, "Let's ask Anna"

and I said, "Anna, come with us."

"We're all going down behind the bike sheds." And down she came

and all the cigarettes came out and she started coughing so loudly

that the teachers heard us and came and found us

because she was absolutely coughing her lungs out.

So I think from that moment on, Anna has never smoked.

Don't you remember?

How many do you smoke a day?

Um...

20 or 30? I'd say it was none of your business, Dad.

It's not.

That's a bit much, isn't it?

Depends how many we can get in... in Monteroni.

Depends how many are Italian, actually.

It's random, based on our Italian.

Em... er... whoever has the lowest card has to dress up in drag.

Yeah, come on, Badge.

What about girls?

Yeah, that'd be lame, you'd just be in like a shirt and stuff.

Do you think the boys are a little reluctant here?

- Yeah. - Maybe just a little bit scared?

Yeah, yeah.

Fine, I'll dress up in drag, it's fine.

- 3, 2, 1, go. Ten. - Queen. - Queen.

They're all quite high.

Jack, eight...

No, I am not, I am not dressing up.

Go and get yourself dressed.

No way, no way, I'm not going in drag...

I'm not going in drag!

Come on!

Here he comes!

My God!

Archie!

You look absolutely amazing!

This is ridiculous.

- I've got a hard-on! - Shut up, shut up.

I need a cigarette.

Have one, here you go.

- Ciao, buongiorno. - Ciao.

Hi, Archie.

Morning.

How are you?

Not too bad, thank you.

Good.

Ciao.

Hello, hi, Badge.

Morning.

Fragile this morning, aren't we?

Hi, Jack.

Morning, everybody.

I had a really weird, weird dream.

Maybe something to do with the antics.

The antics were good as well, but...

He makes all these dreams up, you know, don't you?

No, no, no...

They're bollocks.

My dream was not a cross-dressing dream...

He's always done this, comes down, "I dreamt this, I dreamt that."

OK, this time it's real.

I became world champion at tiddlywinks,

and in the European Championships I also won the next year.

I played this Japanese guy in the final,

and it was like a David-and-Goliath struggle...

Buongiorno, Elisabetta.

Every time I did a move, everyone was like, "Wow, he's amazing."

Bollocks, I don't believe this was in your dream.

It was in this huge arena with hundreds of thousands of people watching.

Um, anyone know...

Yeah, he's a friend of mine, he's coming up.

Yeah, yeah, that's... yeah.

You haven't met Anna, have you, Elisabetta?

Hello, hi.

An old schoolfriend of Verena's.

Elisabetta's a counsellor, and our neighbour.

Verena's still sleeping off the effects of last night.

Did we disturb you?

Not at all.

Bye.

See you later.

Badge, come on, we're going.

- No, no, no, listen to me... - No, no, no, I'll find my own way.

- Listen to me, no, listen to me... - We'll follow you or...

- It's about six miles... - It's going to be fine, thanks, Dad.

Anna, come with us.

No, no, I think you should come with us, it doesn't make sense...

If you get lost, on your own head be it.

Come with us, it will be much cooler in our car.

- There's no air-con in there. - Sorry, Arch.

See you there.

Yes, come with us.

Come on, jump in.

Very good hat, Anna. Like it.

It's like the bottom of the river. It's like the bottom of the river.