Only Murders in the Building

- Are you going out on a date? - Date?

No! Tobert has a suspect he has a lead on.

I'm meeting him for a stakeout,

and the place has a dress code.

Jonathan? Howard's sweet boyfriend was your guy?

Who else had more to gain from him dying, you know?

Who's he hugging hello?

He's wearing a red coat and a cap.

That was Ben's private doctor. One of those, uh, celebrity concierge,

anything-you-need prescription-filler types.

You're here! Welcome to my slice of New York.

Hey, you know who was a real fucking pig?

Ben Glenroy.

You didn't mean to propose to me?

No, I didn't.

Mabel, be my partner.

I already have partners.

The old guys? No, they're busy putting together

another bomb of a Broadway show, which leaves you where?

Shall I draw us a bath?

Oliver?

I'm waiting...

Theaters are known for their ghosts.

Take the Goosebury.

In 1919,

Gideon Goosebury was a rising star on the Great White Way.

But on opening night,

playing the lovesick chimney sweep in Ashes to Ashes,

a 300-pound sandbag came loose from the rafters

and brained him in the middle of his second-act monologue.

Legend has it,

if you don't sweep Gideon's energy off the stage every night,

he'll find a way to curse your show.

There was the cholera outbreak

that tore through the company of Hamlet in 1949,

John Gielgud's crippling shingles attack

during The Iceman Cometh revival in '88,

and now the death of Ben Glenroy.

When you make the stage a part of your life,

it can be hard to escape your personal ghosts, too.

Your obsessions.

Your failures.

Just when you think you've broken free from your old patterns,

boom.

They come back to haunt you.

I know, President McKinley,

Joy took everything.

Except you and me.

The guys with the attitude problems.

But we'll be fine.

We have each other.

But what do you do when your future starts haunting you?

The choices you'll never make. The lives you'll never lead.

What's more dangerous

than someone whose dreams have died?

Howard! What's wrong?

I have something I need to confess.

I killed Ben Glenroy.

Legend has it,

three sweeps to the north,

three sweeps to the south, you're safe.

I did that every night during Death Rattle.

But on opening night,

I didn't sweep

and Ben died!

Hold on.

I thought you said you killed Ben Glenroy.

- Yes. - Now, you're saying

a ghost killed Ben Glenroy.

Yes, Charles! It's perfectly simple!

I was protecting our show from a malevolent spirit

with a nightly sweeping ritual.

But on opening night,

I went to get the broom from KT's office

and it was locked.

Strange noises coming from within.

I should have found her. I should have gotten the key.

But I try to never interact with KT because of her casual cruelty.

And her breath.

So I didn't sweep, and five hours later,

Ben was dead!

Howard, why haven't you told anyone about this before?

I guess I convinced myself it was all in my head.

But then, this morning,

- I saw him. - Who?

Gideon.

I was at the theater.

I was sweeping

because we're moving back into the theater tomorrow

and I wanna make sure it's completely ghost-free.

And I heard a noise.

Hello?

Is someone there?

I know Krav Maga!

And there he was,

in his signature cap and red coat.

I said...

Gideon Goosebury!

Is that you?

And he said...

Sure...

Howard, I hate to break it to you, but ghosts aren't real.

Oh, of course, they are.

Ho! Man in towel!

Yes, Charles, I'm aware.

- Spoiler alert. - Nope,

not the correct usage of that whatsoever.

- Plot twist? - Still no.

You know, I shot a ghost hunter doc once

and we spent an entire night aboard the haunted Queen Mary.

Around 3:00 AM, alone in the dining room,

I saw her with my own two eyes, the Lady in White.

Did you know that Queen Mary was England's first queen regnant?

A lot of people think it was Matilda from the 12th century

but she was never actually crowned.

Charles, if the goal was to offer a more interesting anecdote,

we're headed in the wrong direction.

Hello!

Is anyone hearing what I'm saying?!

There is a murderous ghost loose in our theater right now

and he's coming from one of us next!

Oh! God! I'm telling you--

Howard, breathe!

Hey, just, uh, give us a moment. Hm?

Hey, what's up with your tooth?

Oh, it's a temporary. If I like it,

the dentist says he'll do the rest to match. What do you think?

- Bright. Like a headlight. - Oh. Ah.

Okay. Obviously, Howard didn't see an actual ghost

but I still think it's worthwhile us going over there.

Oh, I totally agree.

S-- Sorry. We're having a conversation here.

Mabel, did you hear what he said about the cap and the red coat?

- I mean, it kinda sounds like... - Ben's doctor?

- I had the same thought. - Jesus.

Right, so he saw us last night, and then realized he'd been made...

So he goes straight to the theater this morning to cover his tracks.

Exactly. I mean, if he and Jonathan are behind the poisoning,

then they'd definitely wanna make sure there's no evidence.

That's good.

Oh, sorry. Hi! We're still here.

Yeah, the original three who came into the dining room.

Yeah, remember that?

Yeah.

You suspect Jonathan now?

And you're investigating with this guy?

Jonathan was Ben's understudy. That's a pretty big motive.

And I told you I was going on a stakeout with Tobert last night.

Oh yeah. Right. I forgot.

I was probably preoccupied with Joy,

who left me, by the way. Spoiler alert.

Wait, Joy left you? When?

- Yesterday. - Are you okay, Charles?

Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.

This is not my first rodeo.

This old clown's been bucked by Lady Love before

and got back up to ride again.

Yee-haw!

- Very convincing. - Well, the point is

I'm completely fine,

and Joy did not write "fucking pig."

Well, someone did.

Is it possible this ghost thing

is Howard trying to cover for Jonathan?

He sounded genuinely distraught.

And we all know that Howard can't act his way out of a damp paper bag.

Here's a thought. Why don't I go with Howard

to the theater alone?

I'll throw him a bone.

We can look into his ghost thing, you know?

- What? - Nothing, it's just surprising.

You haven't exactly been driving this investigation.

In fact, you've been anti-investigation.

Well, why don't I make it up to you with a little solo mish?

Mish is short f-for mishegoss.

No way. I'm coming, too.

- If you're going, so am I. - Alright, I'm gonna tell Tobert.

Wait! Mabel, a word? You know, we're kind of a trio.

And we're not hiring.

Alright, fine.

This'll be fun, the three of us together.

I've missed this.

Hey! Jack, Janet, and Chrissy, can we speed this up, please?!

It's a Three's Company reference!

Those were the original character names on the show

before they changed Chrissy to Cindy!

Why the fuck am I yelling?!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I know! Because there is

a murderous ghost on the loose!

- It's dark in here. - Except for the ghost light.

Whoever Howard saw might still be here. Keep it down.

I'm sorry. I was saying the ghost light

is an old theater tradition.

It has to stay on at all times,

and it never ever goes out.

Nonbeliever says what?

That was kinda strange.

No, no, KT probably did it. She must be here running cues.

Why don't you all go see if she's in the booth behind the balcony

and I'll look around the dressing rooms? Good? Good.