Avenue 5

- There he is. - Bless you.

- Do you see it, Billy? - The pope I do not see.

That right there... Is that an ear?

No, it's a piece of shit.

For fuck's sake, get out of my way.

- He's Harrison. - Who is Harrison?

Somebody that I'm not scared of.

You remember Joe paired your hand print

- with the emergency console? - You want me to dock the ship?

You can learn because we have three-and-a-half years.

Is that enough time?

No. You can't do it. Who am I kidding?

- We need Judd here. - How?

We bring him back on the supply pod.

- Rav! - Not now!

I'm not going anywhere until I've launched the shuttle.

If we eject the equivalent weight

of 500 people... Pushing us

in striking distance of Earth within six months.

Non-essential items

to the hallway for jettisoning.

You can follow my lead.

I overpacked.

Thank you, you may join the line.

So, what non-essential items

will you be getting rid of today?

I've got two pairs of shoes.

No. You cannot and you will not lose these.

- Thank you. - What do you know?

Jettison the loafers, we keep the heels.

- These are my only shoes. - Honey.

Count yourself lucky. Karen tried to get rid of me.

I mean, we have complementary slippers, so...

- Thank you, join the line. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

They didn't laugh.

- At what, sweetie? - My joke.

I was implying I was non-essential,

but they took it seriously.

It was insanely funny. I was just laughing on the inside.

Hi, sweetie. What have you got for me today?

My. This is a tough life lesson, right?

Sorry I'm late.

Just been depositing ten kilos of emotional baggage

with Karen, the Empress of the Jetsam.

If you're late when it comes to flying this thing for real,

we're all gonna die.

- Okay. - All right.

So, let's just get you settled, and...

'Kay, no, hold on.

Can you... Could you... just give me a little bit of space?

Feels like I'm trying to urinate

in front of a war crimes tribunal.

- What an image. Okay. - Thank you very much.

- Thank you. - Guys, just give him some room.

- Okay, so... - Yeah. Can I adjust the seat?

No, the seat is...

- That's too high. - Yeah. So, can...

That's probably too low.

Yeah. Okay... Can you just leave

- leave the fucking seat... - Fucking seat alone. Right.

Yeah, leave that alone.

Okay, let's begin.

- Starting the engine. - Wait, wait! No!

Because the laterals are still engaged. So...

Stopping the engine

and disengaging the laterals, whatever they are.

How do I do that?

- Come on. Come on, man. - No.

- This is physically hurting me. - Just give him a second, he's working it out.

- This is his process. - This is... This is... Why didn't they just

have a button that says "disengage..." Look, they have... look!

- Yeah. - Yeah. Can I press it?

At this point, I'm beginning to wonder.

Wait. Yay. You can.

Now I start the engine.

No, because you've got to clear the filters,

which you do...

- before you ignite... - After I ignite the eng...

Is that a good explosion?

Well, we were in it.

Each item, ask yourself, "Would I exchange that trinket

for a human life?" Because basically,

everything we own right now, blood diamonds.

Hey, how 'bout this?

It's like an estate sale, and we're not even dead.

I'm doing my part.

- Hey, Fudd! - Fuck.

Have a look at these winners.

You know, these are more valuable to me

than my previous and current wives combined.

Yeah?

Well, I'm more about personal responsibility,

which is why I'm donating a Beatle skull.

Paul. No, wait, George.

Smaller cranium, protruding mandible.

Well...

Something in the way he moves.

What are your plans for your skull when you die?

I would love to drink out of that.

You threatening my skull?

Is he threatening to drink out of my skull?

Why would you let him talk to me like that?

I'll never let it happen again.

You know, I can't wait to see you led away in shackles,

like the leisure industry huckster you are.

Good luck jettisoning those babies.

Okay, so concentrate.

- Right hand, left foot. - Right hand, left...

- Left hand, left foot. Ignite... - ...foot. Left hand, left...

- ...and throttle up for downward motion. - What is this?

- Right hand, right foot. - Fucking country dancing?

- Okay, come here! Let me... - Just let go, all right?

I can do this. I'm not in a care home.

Okay. I want you to increase the thrust.

Ease up. Ease up.

- Ease up! Ease up! - Is...? Is that...?

Hey, little man. Here's what we're gonna do.

You're gonna thank him for his service,

and then send him to his death.

Yes!

Hey, Matt. You know what? Screw Harrison.

Anyway, stuff's just stuff.

What's more important is "people."

Sir, you're doing it again.

You're air quoting around "people."

Look, hypothetically,

if I were to just disappear,

she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

She'd be a fucking train wreck. An absolute mess.

You can still see me, right?

I'm non-hypothetically right here.

So I need you to promise me to work with her, Matt,

in the event of my departure.

- I get it. You're diseased. - No.

A shuttle is coming to Avenue 5,

and they only have room for one passenger to return to Earth.

I'm going. It's, the...

- Ultimate sacrifice. - Ultimate sacrifice.

I'm leaving so that

everyone else on the ship has a chance.

Are you sure you're comfortable leaving us

in the incapable hands of a captain

who has a serious addiction problem?

What? Addiction?

- He is slamming sedatives. - What?

And who knows what else?

Hypnotics, opiates, floaters,

- whompers, daddy dust. - No.

- Could be. - No. No!

Not with a J on his uniform, he's not. Iris!

I'm right here.

Oh, shitty biscuits!

That's a hundred dead. Five hundred dead. Seven hund...

- Two thousand dead, 25... - Just keep going...

- That wasn't right. Damn it. - Three thousand! Three thousand...

- Four thousand! Five thousand. - God, what are those? Are those body parts?

Why would you simulate body parts?

And that, Billie, is...

how you crash, okay?

So let's try and remember that.

It's right hand, left foot, left hand, left foot.

Okay? Gorgeous.

She's a little, a little slow.

That's the first time you got it right.

I was just making it up.

So, what do you guys...

- Yeah, how can we help you? - What do you guys need?

We thought that Tabasco storage was in here.

Well, it's not.

Well, I'm kinda having a Bloody Mary emergency.

Yeah. You guys know Bloody Mary?

It's an old drink named after this woman

who liked to set Protestants on fire.

It's delish, and we need Tabasco for it.

I like this.

Shabby chic.

That's funny. It's mean, though.

Yeah, what goes on here?

There's a lot of tech for a locker room.

But it is just that.

It's just a u... storage unit cum clubhouse.

Cum clubhouse?

- We just... - We... We... We...

- hang out. - Hang out.

- She wants us to leave, Spike. - Okay.

Yeah, they probably got some freaky roleplay going on.

I will get you that Bloody Mary.

I swear this on the blood of Mary.

I'm gonna die! Oh, shit!

Hairy balls.

Exiting Earth's atmosphere in three, two, one...

There. Feeling better?

Stopped squeaking?

Good.

Right, I'm just gonna listen to this true crime podcast

about that Greta Gerwig thing.

Yeah, everyone's got a theory about that.

Yeah.

So...