South Park

I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time

Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation

I'm going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind

Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"

I'm heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind

So come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine

No, Kitty, these are my Spicy Hot Louisiana Baked Chicken Tenders!

No, Kitty!

Someday I will collect all the Chinpokomon,

then I will fight the Evil Power

that will reveal itself once all the Chinpokomon are collected, oh?

No, Kitty, you can't have these chicken tenders, because they are mine

and I keep mine to myself, oh?

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode of Chinpokomon!

- Hurray! - Hey, kids, do you love Chinpokomon?

- Yes. - Well, now you can buy your very own.

I've got to buy Chinpokomon! I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it!

Now you can collect them all!

Furrycat! Donkeytron! Pengin! Shoe! Lambtron!

Collect them all and you can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!

Royal Crown Chinpoko Master? Holy sh...

All the Chinpokomon are in stores now.

Chinpokomon is super you love toy. Number one!

Got to buy it! Chinpokomon!

Mom! Mom!

Mom! Seriously! The toy store, Mom! Now! Must go! Toy store!

- Eric, calm down! - Seriously! Mom! Must go! Must buy!

What is it, Eric?

Mom, I've only just heard.

They're making Chinpokomon dolls, Mom.

You can collect them all! You can collect them all, Mother.

Quick, we must get to the toy store.

I'm making us some lunch right now, Eric.

But, Mom!

I have to get a Chinpokomon doll before everybody else does,

'cause then I'll be cool.

Can't it wait till tomorrow, hon?

But, Mom!

I have to get the first one, or else people won't think I'm cool!

- All right, let's go. - Sweet.

Everybody's gonna be so jealous when they see my Chinpokomon!

- Give me! - Give me it!

- Oh, God damn it! - Hey, fat ass.

Hey, dickhole, I guess you saw the commercial, too.

Yup! I got Roostor, Lambtron and Shoe!

Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna get a Pengin. He's the coolest.

God damn it! There's no more Pengins!

Kenny, Pengin is my favourite. That's the last one. Let me have it.

Kenny, let me have it...

Give me Pengin!

Honestly, I don't see what they find so amusing about those things.

They're so strange. Where are they from?

It's some new big thing from Japan.

I tell you, those Japanese really know how to market to kids.

I've got to collect all Chinpokomon!

I've got to collect them all, so I can become

Royal Crown Chinpoko Master, oh!

Buy all Chinpokomon and you will have happy feelings!

I have to become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!

- Must collect Chinpokomon. - Must collect Chinpokomon.

Okay, Kenny, I'll trade you my Chuchunezumi for your Pengin.

God damn it, you're supposed to trade, you little asshole! Give me Pengin!

- Hey, dudes. What are those? - What are these?

- They're Chinpokomon! - Huh?

You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon...

No, but look, I just got this sweet Cyborg Bill doll.

Oh, please! Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.

Yeah, like ancient history.

- Cyborg Bill isn't cool any more? - No, dude.

Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long time, Kyle.

Why the hell don't people tell me these things?

It's all Chinpokomon now.

Dude, if you collect Chinpokomon,

you can complete the Primary Main Objective!

What's the Primary Main Objective?

You don't even know what the Primary Main Objective is?

The Primary Main Objective is to destroy the Evil Power!

Well, what's the Evil Power?

Oh, my God.

The identity of the Evil Power won't be revealed

until all Chinpokomon are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!

What?

- God, get with the times, dude. - Sh...

Yeah. I guess so.

Mom, Dad, can I have money to buy Chinpokomon?

What's a Chinpokomon?

- I'm not sure. - Well, why do you need one?

I don't know.

Well, then the answer is no, Kyle.

You just got money to buy your Cyborg Bill doll.

Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay now.

Please, Mom! Everybody else has Chinpokomon!

Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy something.

Yeah, Kyle.

You see, Son, fads come and go.

And this Chinpokomon is obviously nothing more than a fad.

You don't have to be a part of it.

In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers,

"I'm not going to be a part of this fad, because I'm an individual."

- Do you understand? - Yes. Yes, I do, Dad.

Now let me tell you how it works in the real world.

In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon

or I can be the only kid without one, which singles me out

and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass.

- Good point. Here's $10. - Thanks.

Wait, here's 20. Get one for your brother, too.

Chinpoko!

There you go, son.

I honestly don't know what you see in these things.

Neither do I.

Guess I'll call it a night.

Chinpoko! Buy me! Buy me!

When will you become Royal Chinpoko Master?

Hurry up and buy me!

Down with America!

- What? - I love you!

Let's be best friends and destroy the capitalist American government!

What the hell is going on here?

Hey, you guys! Check out my sweet Chinpokomon doll!

Oh, please. Chinpokomon dolls are so last week.

- What? - Yeah, dude, don't you know?

It's all about the Chinpokomon video game, now.

Did you bring your special Chinpokomon game controller?

Huh? No...

Oh, you didn't get a special Chinpokomon game controller.

Jesus Christ.

Chinpokomon! What is Primary Objective?

- To destroy the Evil Power! - To destroy the Evil Power!

I've got to buy all the Chinpokomon so I can destroy the Evil Power, oh?

- Oh? - Damn it!

I've got to buy them all, so first I better go to Hawaii

and visit Pearl Harbor.

Try to bomb the harbour!

- Ready? - Go!

I must buy them all! I must buy them all!

- We must buy them all! - We must buy them all!

Try to bomb the harbour!

Dude, the video game gave Kenny a seizure!

Cool! This game rules!

Hello?

Hello?

Welcome to Chinpokomon Toy Corporation.

Please state name.

Red Harris.

I own a toy store in America.

Please state purpose.

I want to know what the hell you people are doing

with these dolls talking about bringing down the American government and all.

I am President Hirohito.

- And this is Mr. Ose. - Pleased to meet you.

We understand you have big concern about our fine product.

Yes...

Do you mind telling me what the hell this is about?

The American government lies to you!

Join the fight for Japanese supremacy of the world. More to come.

Well?

That is so strange!

I do not know how this could happen, but rest assured

I will make sure it does not happen again!

Well... Now, come on.

- I don't think that quite satisfies... - You are American?

- Yes... - Oh, you must have very big penis.

Excuse me?

I was just asking you what you're up to with these toys.

Nothing. We are very simple people, with very small penis.

Mr. Ose penis is especially small.

So small!

We cannot achieve much with so small penis.

But you, Americans. Wow. Penis so big.

So big penis!

Well, I guess it is a pretty good size.

This man has very big penis!

What an immense penis!

Well, it certainly was nice meeting you folk.

I just wanted to bring that little malfunction to your attention.

- Bye-bye, now! - Goodbye!

Thank you for stopping by with your gargantuan penis!

I've got to buy Chinpokomon...

I've got to... Buy them...

Must buy Chinpokomon...

The time has come! We will take Pearl Harbor!

I've got to buy it! I've got to buy it! Chinpokomon!

What are you doing?

I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpokomon videotapes.

- Why? - Our son loves this show, Randy,

so I think it's important that we watch it

to see if it's teaching him good moral values.

Hey! You must be Roostor.

I haven't bought one of you yet, but I'll bet you can transform

into Roostallion if you found Diamond Skill Seven!

Roostor!

Hey! I'm going to take your Roostor and put it in this bag,

where it will flourish or expire, depending on fate.

Hey! Is that a good idea?

Roostors aren't like Chuchunezumis,

they haven't the heart for such endeavours.

Oh?

Are those good moral values?

I don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Lambtron! You are losing the battle of your life!