The Day of the Locust

It isn't as flashy as some of the places,

but we pride ourselves on being a little classier.

- Hm. The crack's real. - Oh, yes. We call this our earthquake cottage.

Mrs. Porter had occupancy then, during the big one in '33.

Property damage ran into the millions.

Would you fix it if I stayed for awhile?

Oh, no. No, this is our showplace.

Mrs. Porter wouldn't let us touch that wall.

She worked that sampler herself to cover over the hole.

- Alrighty. I hope you'll be very happy here. - Thank you.

* Where'd you get those eyes at? *

* Where'd you get those eyes?

No, you stupid bastards! Stage nine!

Right, take her away. Easy now, easy!

You can't smoke a cigarette when I'm doing this.

It's the first one of the morning. Oh, come on.

You, let's go, please. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on!

Who needs to get up at 6:30 in the morning like this?

I don't believe it.

Let's go! Up, up, up! Get ready.

All right, everybody in places!

Everybody works! All the extras line up in front of me over here!

- Move along! - Everyone over here!

All the extras, everybody up! Everybody works!

- Line up over here! - Get back where...

You, keep going, right up on the steps!

You! Come on, come on! You, up on the steps, quick!

All right. You, go on!

All right, you. You. Yeah, you, too. You with the moustache, up.

On the steps and on the balcony, you know where you were.

Your first position.

It's the crummiest costume I've ever seen.

- OK! - Hurry it up, hurry it up! Come on!

Take it up to number one.

All right, come on I said, goddamn it!

Get into number one position!

All right, boys, let's get the camera back

- to the high position. -

Get in position for the shot. Let's go, quick!

All right, everyone, this will be picture!

Take your number one positions!

Everyone not working in the shot, leave the set now!

Everybody off! Come on!

That's it.

Right, take it up to number one.

Come on, get in your positions!

Goddamn it, I said keep it quiet in back of this camera!

Roll the camera.

- 93, take five. - And action!

- - The Baron and Baroness Klaus von Darmstadt.

Sir Soames and Lady Ursula Ogle.

The Countess of Huschgroo.

Their Excellencies, Monsieur et Madame Echeverrie.

Prince Karl and Princess Helena of Regensburg.

The Baron and Baroness Doybans of Luxembourg.

Prince Simbrun Aruba of Zanzibar.

Lord and Lady Deleon of Kittenden.

John Jacob Lloyd, Rector of Jocksbridge.

Sir Sebastian Sinclair and Lady Bartholomew de Lancer.

The Maharajah and Maharani...

Come, puss. Come, puss! No.

* Mama don't want no peas, no rice No coconut oil *

* Mama don't want no peas, no rice No coconut oil *

* Mama don't want no peas, no rice *

* Mama don't want no coconut oil *

* Keeps a bottle of brandy Handy all the day *

Come on up and see me some time, big boy!

Ugh!

Adore! Adore, where are you? Adore!

What are you doing in there? What do you think you're doing?

Look at you! You're a mess! Give me that!

Two weeks to get an interview and look at you! You're a mess!

- You're a mess! - Turn off the goddamn water.

- You go around! - Why should I go around, for Christ's sake?

- I pay rent here! - You mind your tongue, Mr. Kusich!

There are Christians living here!

- Who am I? A nigger? - Bye, Daddy!

Car fare. Daddy, I forgot car fare.

Why should I lay out money for you? You worked two days last week.

Odlesh, you idiot!

I should make you pay for my cleaning! I'm all soaked!

I pay rent here! You punk!

- Hi. - Good morning.

- Got a car? - No, I don't.

- You should. In this town, it's a necessity. - Yeah, I know.

- Where are you going? - Paramount.

Damn! Can't even share a cab.

Bye!

Goodbye.

- Morning, Mr. Hackett. - Good morning.

Do it now. Do it now. Good.

Do it nicely. Front and back.

Did you do it? Go on, do it.

Twelve pads... What else?

India ink. We need a lot of ink.

What the hell are we ordering all this crap for?

They don't even know we're here, for Christ's sake.

Granted, that's how we get away with ordering all of this crap.

- Litho crayons. - Litho crayons.

Give me dozens of litho crayons.

- Dozens of litho crayons. - Yeah, hello?

Yeah, I'm calling about the Chevrolet convertible you have advertised in the paper.

Yeah, what year is it? '31.

Yeah, right. It says for 50 bucks, right?

- Good morning, kids. - Good morning, Mr. Grote.

Good news. I'm sorry about this. We're so goddamn crowded.

- Could you sign this requisition? - Will you check this?

You asked me to draw up

an idea for that cartoon series.

Oh, yes. Now for the good news.

I finally found one opening in the drafting department.

I think, um... O'Neill.

- O'Neill? Why O'Neill? - Would you come with me?

Can you tell us how long it'll be?

Last week you said we'd all be assigned to art directors.

If there isn't anything for us to do, why do we come?

You're getting paid. How many kids your age can say that? Relax. It's better than relief.

Keep up the good work, boys.

* Isn't it romantic?

* Music in the night A dream that can be heard *

* Isn't it romantic?

* Moving shadows write the oldest magic word *

* I hear the breezes playing *

* In the trees above

* While all the world is saying *

* You were meant for love

* Isn't it romantic?

* Merely to be young on such a night as this *

* Isn't it romantic?

* Every note that's sung is like a lover's kiss *

* Sweet symbols in the moonlight *

* Do you mean that I will fall in love? *

* Perchance

* Isn't it romance *

On a very clear day, ladies and gentlemen,

you'll be able to see Catalina Island

right out there in the ocean.

Catalina Island, ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I'd like to direct your attention now to this imposing erection

constructed for a real-estate promotion that collapsed in the great crash of 1929.

The same year it was built,

Camille McRae, 1929 Clam Queen of Pismo Beach,

came to Hollywood in search of beauty and romance.

- Her eyes must have turned... - I'd adore an ice cream cone.

Chocolate, with lots of little chocolate sprinkles.

- ...beckoning her to stardom. - OK.

Then, in the year of the Great Depression, 1932,

Camille drove for the last time into the hills of Hollywood,

left her Model T Ford, and climbed painfully,

hand over hand, up the ladder you can see at the rear of the great H.

Each of the unlucky 13 letters stand five stories tall,

a mammoth metal monument to this Mecca of broken dreams.

At the top, she shed everything Camille down to her undies

and leapt to her death!

She landed in this very cactus bed and lived for several weeks,

a human pin cushion. Naked she was born...

You wouldn't believe the way I am about chocolate.

- You know what? - What?

One time when I was a little girl, I locked myself in a bakery truck

and ate the chocolate off everything.

Isn't that hysterical?

Sometimes, no kidding,

I'd stay in my room all day, and stuff myself with chocolate and make up stories.

I make up stories all the time. Do you want to hear one?

- Sure. - OK.

- - Hey, that's not fair!

You should warn me. Now, hold this.

OK, there's these two beautiful twin sisters,

and they're identical, except one's good and one's bad.

And the good one is all set to marry this rich handsome boy.

But the bad one is jealous, so she puts poison in her pancakes

and sends her to the hospital so she can take the good one's place at the wedding.

There's more, but... Anyway,

suddenly the good one shows up at the church and she says,

"No, no! I'm the real one!" But no one can tell.

So he has to kiss them both,

see which one kisses the way he remembers...

You're not listening.

Yes, I am. I was just watching their faces.

You're funny.

Hey! Want to see me in a movie?

- When? - Now.

- Where? - Glendale.

I have to meet this friend of mine who's in it too, but you can come along.

I have a speaking part. The assistant director picked me out of all the girls.

- Who's your friend? - I play this sexy harem girl.

He's a cowboy. Earle Shoop.

- Up, Ali! - You mean, "Allez-up!"

Inflation!

- You too? - Later.

Look, Baba!

It's pretty soon. Cigarette me.

Match me.

There! There it is!

- There's more. - Why are you so mad?

I just found out what a heel is.

Ali Baba!

There!

Ali!