The Belly of an Architect

What a way to enter Italy.

Absolutely. The ideal way.

Land of fertility, fine women...

inimitable history...

home of the dome and the arch, good food...

and high ideals.

High ideals? My father was Italian...

and he was very thin.

He was only interested in money.

Yes, and carnivorous enough.

He had no ideals except to leave this place.

Well, he was idealistic enough to take all that money to Chicago.

City of blood, meat, and money.

Home of some of the best carnivorous architecture in the Western world.

That is, of course, outside of Rome.

It's really beautiful. This is really good.

Friends, "amici, Signor" Kracklite.

May I speak formally on behalf of all of us...

to say how pleased we are...

to welcome such a celebrated American architect to Rome.

And we wish you and your wife...

all the best wishes on your birthday.

We know that the exhibition of Étienne-Louis Boullée...

you do us the honor of presenting here in Rome...

will be a resounding success.

"Signor" Speckler, thank you.

My friends...

we both would like to thank you very sincerely...

for your very warm welcome.

Boullée's crowning achievement...

inspired, of course, by the magnificent building...

of the Pantheon, here, behind us...

was a memorial he designed in honor of Sir Isaac Newton...

for whom Boullée had great reverence.

Now, I doubt whether Sir Isaac Newton has ever before been celebrated...

with sugar icing.

However, for me...

having waited so many years...

to honor this visionary architect...

whom I have so passionately admired ever since I was a child...

For me...

this moment is very sweet indeed.

Étienne-Louis Boullée!

Now, with your permission, I'd like to call upon my wife...

to cut this magnificent cake.

I can assure you that she is very experienced in opening supermarkets...

kissing babies, christening ships...

and cutting the tape.

Sir Isaac Newton, the subject of tonight's cake...

appears in every Englishman's wallet.

A man who discovers gravity must be a very good companion.

In fixing us firmly on the earth...

he enables us with equanimity to keep our head in the clouds.

If you look carefully, you can spot a reference to gravity.

See if you can find it.

It's an English note. So, of course, it's laconic.

It's there, the apple blossom.

I hear, "Signor" Kracklite...

that your inspiration for the Chicago-Angelo Building...

came entirely from the profit on sausages.

No. Frankfurters, hot dogs...

hamburgers, salami, baloney.

A monument to carnivores.

In Chicago, they call it the slaughterhouse.

A building suffering from excess cholesterol...

like Stourley.

No. There's no excess fat on it, or me.

The both of us have been built...

with perfect and enviable centers of gravity.

- Standing up? - No, "Signora" Speckler, lying down.

How long have you been married to him?

Seven years.

Why? Do you think that's too long?

God! I think I've lost my English £1 note.

Come on, you can easily get another.

No, you can't. They're dropping out of circulation.

My father's wedding present...

was another commission for Kracklite...

to build us a house.

You should see it.

Two marble cubes and a brick sphere on stilts.

Boullée would have loved it.

What do you think of our foreign architect?

He's too old for his wife.

I think she's looking for a romantic experience.

How can you tell?

The way she eats cake.

Just about this time, if I'm near the Pantheon...

I come and admire such a great work of architecture.

As solid as it is beautiful.

As romantic as it is awesome.

Built by Hadrian, the most accomplished of all the Emperors.

Good architecture should always be applauded.

I notice Caspasian wears a double-breasted suit.

So?

He wears a matching tie bar and cuff links.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wore a gold chain around his neck.

Do you want me to find out?

Would you want to find out?

It's not important.

What is important?

To be gracious to the Specklers.

They have a lot of influence.

- They have a lot of charm. - Don't they?

Especially Caspasian.

Especially? Are you jealous?

Of his charm? No.

His gold chain? Absolutely not.

Of his youth...

Of his youth and his waistline, maybe.

Of his ability as an architect?

No, that least of all.

I'm sure Mr. Caspasian is devoid of talent.

Tell me, please, what does "oh-ah" mean?

Stourley, you've built six-and-a-half buildings.

And now you're spending nine months...

putting on an exhibition in memory of another architect...

who also built practically nothing.

And I don't...

What? What's the matter?

- I don't know. - What?

Indigestion.

You eat too much.

Nothing a little sympathy wouldn't cure.

What's this? Twice in one day?

What about Boullée?

Now, he built virtually nothing...

and look at his reputation.

Yeah. Look at it.

Nobody knows about him but you.

You think that they'll give you an exhibition 180 years after your death?

Death? Who's talking about death?

Doesn't everyone in Rome talk about death?

- What's the matter? - Wait.

- What? - No!

No, it's all right.

My stomach.

It serves you right. You're always stuffing yourself.

Don't start what you can't finish.

Romans are very equivocal about this building.

They call it the Typewriter or the Wedding Cake.

It's like a box at the theater at which Rome is the play.

Over there, you can see the Colosseum.

There, Michelangelo's dome of San Pietro.

And over there, you can just see...

Borromini's Church of Sant'Agnese in Piazza Navona.

Where is the Tomb of Augustus from here?

Difficult to see from here, "Signor" Kracklite.

But undoubtedly there.

"Signor" Kracklite, let me introduce to you...

"Signor" Antonio Caspetti, banker with the Scuta d'Oro.

"Signor" Caspetti is our most important benefactor.

We couldn't manage this exhibition without him.

And after its undoubted success...

can I hope to consider a return exhibition in Chicago?

Perhaps on the Italian architect Piranesi.

"Signor" Caspetti is a great authority on Piranesi.

I wonder if Kracklite realizes that his hero is not that well-known in Italy.

Boullée is not that well-known anywhere.

In Texas, Kracklite was accused of inventing him.

Or perhaps Boullée is the ideal architect for your husband to invent.

However, thanks to him...

we have nearly $1 million to persuade the Italian public...

that Boullée is not a fiction.

That's a lot of money.

It's expensive to put on a large art exhibition in Rome.

I remember, "Signor" Kracklite, coming across a drawing by Boullée...

when I was 10 years old.

It reminded me, I must admit, of Hell.

No doubt it was a childish idea...

but it hasn't entirely left me.

I discovered Boullée about the same age as you, "Signor" Caspetti.

I must confess his designs have always reminded me of Heaven.

You hold the purse strings of my husband's exhibition?

Not entirely, but almost.

You're very young to be entrusted with so much money.

And you're very young to be entrusted with such an elderly husband.

Excuse me.

There is a story that the architect of this building...

spent all the money on the marble. He didn't like wood.

And he skimped on the carpentry.

The real reason was that he hated carpenters, especially Joseph.

I suspect that he didn't believe in the virgin birth.

He could not reconcile himself...

to the fact Joseph was 40 and the Virgin Mary was 14.

About the same difference as you and your wife...

isn't it, Mr. Kracklite?

Approximately, yes.

But I thought that all Catholics believed in the virgin birth.

Not outside of marriage.

Do you believe in the virgin birth, Mr. Kracklite?

At this moment, "Signor" Caspetti, I'll settle for any kind of birth.

I've had several miscarriages.

Kracklite gets bored or impatient...

or disillusioned with his projects...

and I get anxious.

We could both be accused of unsatisfactory delivery.

Christ!

Did you see that?

Now watch this.