The Slender Thread

You need a hand, Mr. Newell?

A head, Dr. Coburn.

I have finals tomorrow.

You should have called in

And asked for a substitute.

I thought of that all the way over here.

Is it quiet up there?

Listen, I'd like to steal an evening and spend it with my son.

Will you be all right alone?

Let's see.

I left a number with Marion,

But if you don't have to call...

You have a good time.

Four.

Hi.

Hi.

Six.

Eight. Ten.

Ten enough?

Twelve.

And 12.

I wrote a number down for Dr. Coburn.

It's right by the phone.

Anything?

Not a creature stirring.

Let me know how you like the coffee.

It's a new brand.

Good night.

Good night.

Crisis Clinic. Newell speaking.

Newell, huh? What have you got against barbers?

It depends on the haircut.

Well, I'm a barber.

Your name, please.

Rudy. Rudy Leachman.

Your age, please, Mr. Leachman.

Ah, come on. What's age got to do with it?

I bet you're one of those guys who think barbers got pension plans.

Would you hold the phone a moment please?

Mac, where you going?

There are some things you ought to learn about barbers.

Crisis Clinic. Newell speaking.

I have to talk to somebody.

You know, there are 11,000 barbers in this country?

Hold the phone a moment, please.

Well, I'm one of the best.

Cutting hair is an art.

Sir...

That's right. I said an art. I suppose you think barbers never shut up.

Well, it's a two-way street.

I'm going to have to call you back.

I've got somebody on the other line.

Would you please give me a number?

You ought to hear the things people say.

They ought to be ashamed.

Hold the phone a minute.

Wait a minute. I stood next to my chair listening...

I'm here now.

You can talk to me if you like.

What did you say your name was?

Newell.

N-E-W-E-L-L.

Alan Newell.

May I ask who's calling, please?

Does it make any difference?

You know my name.

Why shouldn't I know yours?

Now, what do I call you?

Please?

Stupid.

Not you. Me.

Just call me stupid.

Why, miss?

Missus.

I planned everything except the car keys.

What if they don't find them?

It's a brand-new car.

Maybe there's something I can do about that.

I could mail them, I suppose,

But I don't have a stamp,

And I can't go out now, even if I did.

I want Mark to have them.

How old are you?

I'm just trying to get a picture.

You know, it makes it easier if I can kind of see the person.

I'm 30.

An old 30.

Look, miss...

Missus.

Why can't we be sociable,

And I call you missus but Mrs. what?

Ah, you're well trained, aren't you?

I beg your pardon?

Talking to disturbed people.

Are you disturbed?

Why don't you say something, mac?

Not anymore.

That's good.

Very simple cure, Mr. Newell.

Just hold out one hand and pour yourself the right kind of pills,

Then open your mouth and swallow.

Hey, speak, will you?

Ain't you got no point of view?

Do I understand that you're

Thinking of taking barbiturates?

You do not understand me.

Well, I'm glad of that.

I am not thinking of taking barbiturates.

I have taken barbiturates.

I am checking out, Mr. Newell.

Except for these damn keys.

I don't know what to do about them.

I could have them picked up.

Good night, Mr. Newell.

I mean, goodbye.

No.

I want to talk to you.

I mean, I need to talk to you.

Didn't you need to talk to somebody just a moment ago?

Well?

Now I need to talk to somebody.

What kind of psychology is that?

I'm not a psychiatrist, lady.

I'm a student at the U.

I come up here one night a week.

I sit by the phone, when the phone rings, I answer it.

I'm a volunteer.

I got another reason...

You understand that, lady?

You understand the irony of that?

On the most important night of your life,

When you need somebody who really knows,

You had to pick me?

How I cut their husbands' hair.

Ma'am?

Ma'am?

I heard you, Mr. Newell.

I need a cup of coffee.

The pot is just over there

On the other side of the room.

But if I go get it, will you...

Will you stay on the line?

Will you promise me?

Just please promise to stay on the line

Till I get a cup of coffee.

I might. I might not.

Just hold on one second,

And I'll get some coffee.

Ain't you got no point of view?

Come on, speak, will you?

Mac, are you still there?

Look, mister, I've got an emergency on our other line.

Please give me your number.

Forget it, mac.

Operator. May I help you?

This is Alan Newell. Crisis Clinic.

Got a woman on our other line. Maine 2-1454.

One moment, please.

Yes?

All right.

Go ahead, sir.

Got a woman on our other line.

She's taken pills. I need an emergency trace.

Would you hold the line a minute, sir?

I can't. I'll lose her.

How long will it take?

Sir, that depends on where the call's originating.

Get a hold of a Dr. Joe Coburn.

Mutual 2-4530.

This is Operator 43, Unit 3.

Emergency.

I need a trace incoming to the Crisis Clinic at Maine 2-1454.

Maine 2-1454.

Make it as fast as I can.

Hello.

How's the coffee?

Marion, she's the secretary here,

She makes the hairiest coffee in the world.

You sound nervous.

It comes through, huh?

What the hell are you nervous about?

Because I don't know what to say to you.

I mean, up here they give us lectures

On how to handle people in trouble.

We're supposed to gain their confidence.

They call it rapport.

It's just words.

Look, lady,

You sure you wouldn't just...

Just tell me where you are?

Your voice has a nice ring to it, Mr. Newell.

Thank you again. Goodbye.

Wait a minute.

Please.

Yes?

Why?

Why did you pick today?

What went wrong?

Isn't that funny?

Nothing, really.