Faces

-Anyone inside? -Not yet, sir.

-Good morning, Mr Forst. -Good morning, Mr Forst.

Good morning, Mr Forst.

I have some correspondence and some papers for you to sign.

Don't bother me with that stuff.

-Would you like some coffee? -No.

-You look lousy. -You're not in a good mood?

-Anything I can do for you? -I'll give you a list of my maladies.

You better give me a cup of coffee.

I don't want to yawn in Mrs Miniver's face.

-Yes, sir. -Hmm?

Here you are.

Will you take this thing out of my mouth?

-Okay. -Thanks.

-Good morning. Good morning, Miss Whiteford.

Hello, Nita. How'd they get you out of bed?

Aw, shut up.

Harry. Oh, you know Harry Selfrine.

Do I know Harry Selfrine? Do I know Harry.

Good morning.

-Jim Mortensen. Nice boy.

Kazmier, Edward.

Do you know Richard Forst, our manager?

- Hello, darling. Lang. L-A-N-G. - How are you, dear?

-Good morning, Mr Draper. All right.

When I was a kid, we used to play a game called,

"Your mother wears army shoes".

I'm not your mother. Sit down.

-Do you know Frederick P. Draper?

Thank you, Emily Dickinson.

Here you are. -Thank you very much.

Thank you.

What are you gonna sell us this time, Harry?

Money.

Actually, it's a very good film.

We call it the, uh, Dolce Vita of the commercial field.

Is that so?

I don't mean to insinuate it's a crude film.

We were trying to capture several approaches.

What Jim means is that we really...

No, no. That's not what I mean at all.

We were talking facts and figures until we practically went out of our minds.

Losses, gains, ratings, schmatings.

You can lose your mind if you keep analysing things like that.

Then we came up with an impressionistic document that shocks.

Is that so?

I don't think it so much shocks as it's honest.

It's honest, but it's a good piece in itself.

So, you see, we're a little nervous about hitting you with this.

Oh, now, they've got nothing to be nervous about.

It's a shot in the dark, but it's strong and it's attractive.

It better be better than the last one, Harry.

I think I'll loan you my sleeping pills.

You know, I have insomnia

and I stay awake all night looking at pictures, worrying about pictures.

I walk all over the place.

Let's see it, J.P.

I'd rather hear 'em talk about it again.

We'll talk about it later. J.P.

All right, Arnold. Roll it.

You're after my money, huh?

You're not gonna drink this? Too bad.

Never let good liquor go to waste.

# Never let it go to waste Never let it... #

Ida. Ida, I adore you.

Never let good liquor go to waste.

-Arrivederci! Ciao! Go on. Beat it.

-Scusa pleasa. Bye-bye. So long, sucker.

I'll drive. I'll drive. Give me the keys. Give me the keys.

Give me the keys. I'll drive.

Don't make any noise, Jeannie. Here, Freddie.

-No, no, Freddie.

Drink, drink, drink. Freddie.

-Drink, drink, drink, drink.

-Come on. -No, I don't care if we wake 'em.

We'll get 'em all a drink.

Let everybody come in and have a drink.

# I got drunk tonight -Shh!

# I got drunk tonight like I never got drunk before

# When I'm drunk I'm happy as can be

# I am a member of the Souse family

# The Souse family is the best family

# That ever came over from old Germany#

Oh. Oh, boy.

-Shh! -Ah!

# Deck the halls with boughs of holly

# Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

-What are you doing? # 'Tis the season to be jolly

# Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

# Troll the ancient Yuletide carols

# Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #

What the hell are we doing here?

There's just... All of a sudden,

we just joined the clan of I-don't-give-a-damners.

Wake up and have a good time

before the bad fairy comes and makes it midnight!

Say, listen. If there's anything I can't stand, it's a bad fairy.

What the hell do you know about Cinderella?

Look, now. Sit down. I wanna tell you something.

Just sit down. Sit down.

Don't let this sophisticated exterior fool you.

I believe in Aesop's Fables and Walt Disney.

All right, Freddie. Okay. All right.

"All right" my left eyeball!

We met at a bar.

-Right, Jeannie? -Right.

And it was love at first sight. Right, Jeannie?

-Right. -We were thrown out by Morey.

But we had laughs.

-Right? -Right!

Shut up. Who asked ya?

Listen.

I think Forst is a holier-than-thou.

-I am not. Who asked ya? Now, cool it.

You go to a psychiatrist, don't you, Dickie?

-No, I don't. Well, you look Freudian.

-I never even met a psychiatrist. -He looks like Sigmund.

Yes, he does!

Do you know that Freud said if you go to the bathroom, it's supposed to be sexy?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Sick, sick, sick, sick!

Come on, now. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute! What the hell are we talking about?

Who cares? -Who cares?

Yeah. For a minute or two we act stupid. We have a good time.

Who does it hurt? I mean, who makes up the rules anyway?

I mean, always play it cool, always put everybody down.

Standing around a corner looking out the side of your eye,

see if anybody's lookin' at ya.

-Listen. Hell, fellas. I'm 28... Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

I'm 23 years old, and it's time for me to forget myself, right?

Right!

-Down with the middle class! -Right.

-Down with the white-collar workers! Down, down, down!

-Down, down with the... -I'll give you the swiftest pain

in the behind that was ever invented!

Down with the, uh, lecturers and do-gooders.

-You know who I hate? -Down with squealers.

-On television! -I hate cheap people.

Down with hospitals that keep people waiting until they get paid.

-Right. -Some hospitals are okay.

Down with hospitals!

-Don't bully me! -Don't bully her!

-You shut up. -Down with gossip columns!

And to hell with politics. It stinks!

Kill the finks for something!

Down with Sunday schools!

I like Sunday schools.

-JEANNIE: Hey, I got one.

What is it?

Down with friendship. I think it's phony.

Atta girl!

Oh, wait a minute. You don't know what you're talking about.

Friendship is a tradition. Friendship is useful.

Dickie, I got the most terrible friends.

I don't care.

-Sometimes you need a friend. -So buy a dog!

Oh, I'm talkin' about us, stupid! Why are you so stupid?

You know how long I've known this jerk?

-Well, Dickie, he's just... Dickie. -No, no, no.

I'm not one of these guys who has a few...

-I know. Ah, he didn't mean it. -Oh. There he is.

Come on out, and to hell with the family and responsibiIities.

That's right.

Come on. Let's ball it up, old buddy. We don't even know each other.

I'm talking about somebody deep down!

-That's right. That's right. -I'm talk...

He's gonna cry. Do something. Freddie!

I'm talking about something...

Oh, Dickie, Dickie, Dickie.

Hi, ho, Silver, away!

Get 'em up, Scout! The Lone Ranger rides again.

Masked bandits. Get 'em, Tonto!

Aaah! Aaah!

Aaah! My hand!

Oh, and I shot your hand. That's a silver bullet.

Hi, ho, Silver, away!

Hey, Jeannie. Hey, Jeannie.

Did you hear the one about the goose

that went down into the subway and got peopled to death?

Oh, isn't that...

Listen, do you know that Dickie and I...

# Used to do routines in college #

Oh, boy!

Hey, Freddie.

Remember that time we auditioned for the nightclub?

Ah, it closed! Hey, Freddie, let's do one of our routines for Jeannie, eh?

Come on. Come on. Let's do it.

Well, come on!

It wasn't funny then, buddy, and a hundred years wouldn't change it.

Listen, Freddie, after what I saw on television,

I'm not ashamed of any of our routines.

-Now, come on. Come on. -Come on. I do want to see it.

-Come on! -All right! Let's do it.

-Come on, you crazy, shy son of a bitch. Go ahead.

Up on your feet.

Come on. Come on! Come on!

-She doesn't want to see it. -Come on! I'll do that goddamn routine!

-No. To hell with ya. -Come on! Hey, listen. Get this.

Ladies and gentlemen, the great Siegfried!