Cheaper by the Dozen

This is Providence...

Providence, Rhode Island, where we lived in the year 1921.

I was 16 then and a sophomore in high school.

But enough about me, for this is not my story...

but the story of our family and, first and foremost...

the story of my father and my mother.

Dad... Frank Bunker Gilbreth... was an industrial engineer...

and a leader in the field of scientific management.

If that sounds complicated, just say that he was an efficiency expert...

a man who'd shown industry how to save time.

He was a man of definite character...

and once his course was set, nothing could swerve him.

Road hog!

Whenever he came home from a business trip...

even if he'd been away only for a day,

He brought with him an element of surprise and suspense.

For there's no doubt about it. Dad was a rugged individualist...

Brilliant but... well, let's face it... a trifle eccentric,

Living by a code of his own design.

It's Daddy! It's Daddy!

Hello, live bait.

- Hello, Dad. Glad you're home. - Glad to be home, Anne.

- Hi, Dad. I was over on the lot. - Hmm. So I see.

Eighteen seconds. Not bad, not bad. But I still say we should make it in less.

- We gotta keep trying. - Hello, Frank.

- Hello, dear. - How was your trip?

- Couldn't have been better. - I'm glad, dear.

Hi, there, funny face. Have any trouble with the offspring this time?

- No more than usual. - How about this one?

- Oh, she's been good as gold. - Hey, Dad...

what did you bring us?

Quiet, quiet. You'll find out later.

Fall in. Fall in. Come on, there, small fry.

Mm-hmm.

Good boy, Jackie.

Dan.

You, there. What's your name... Sitting Bull?

Aw, you haven't forgotten me, Daddy. I'm Fred.

- Fred? Fred what? - Fred Sittin Bull.

- How! - How!

All right, let's see your nails.

Hmm, you could stand a little soap and water on those hands, young man.

Aw, heck, Dad. What's the good of always washing 'em? They only get dirty again.

That's a risk we have to take.

Lillian, I thought I told you not to bite your nails.

I didn't bite 'em, Daddy. They broke off on the piano.

Then maybe you'd better go back to the violin.

- Oh-oh. How many home runs today? - Two.

Slipping, huh?

All right, Martha. Still dieting?

Kinda.

Very nice, Mary. Ernestine.

Mm-hmm.

What's that on your face? Paint?

No, it isn't. And besides, Dad, they don't call it paint anymore. It's makeup.

I don't care what they call it. And don't think you can fool me, either.

I know paint when I see it.

Here. Spit on this.

Hm. Well, I see it isn't paint, and I apologize.

But it might have been.

As I've told you, I won't have any painted women in this house.

If you start any of that nonsense,

- you'll find yourself... - In a convent.

Yes, Daddy, I know... the one with the 12-foot wall, near Albany.

Don't be impertinent.

Now, you'll find the chocolate bars there in my briefcase. Fall out. Fall out.

Well, Lillie, it's all settled.

Is it, dear?

Yes, ma'am... signed, sealed and ready for delivery.

Good.

- What is? What is? - What's ready for delivery, Dad?

- Shall I? - They'll have to know sooner or later.

All right. Hey, small fry, how would you kids like to live in Montclair, New Jersey?

- Montclair? - You mean leave Providence?

- I don't know how else you'd do it. - Oh, but why? Why?

- Well, because it'd be nearer my work. - But, gee, Dad.

- I'm shortstop on our team. - And I'm pitcher.

There's plenty of time before school starts.

You can form a new team in Montclair.

But we don't wanna form a new team.

We wanna be on the one we're on.

Who wants to live in Montclair?

You promised when we moved here we could stay.

- Just when we were makir friends too. - It's all right now, lady.

I got them marbles and the comb out, and I think most of the bird's nest.

- Anyway, it works just as good as ever. - I'll send you a check.

- That's all right, you just sign here. - Aw, Dad, please...

Be quiet, all of you!

Stop this infernal howling.

- But Dad... - Stop it!

All these kids yours, mister? Or is this a picnic?

They're all mine, and believe me, it's no picnic.

- Aw, look... - Silence!

After a few days of organized confusion...

we were packed and ready to depart.

And I might add that Ringling Brothers'Circus had nothing on us.

- Hurry up there, Frank. - Get off my feet!

Be sure everything's out of the house before you leave, Jim.

Don't you worry, Mrs. Gilbreth. We'll take care of everything.

Have a nice trip. We'll see you Friday morning.

Yes, we'll meet the train.

Hey, Bill. Come on, there. Hurry up.

Come on. Foolish Carriage is getting restless.

I'm comir, Dad.

Come on, Bill. Make it snappy.

- Mercy Maud! - Scared you, didn't I, son?

Mercy Maud!

I'll bet you jumped six and 9/10ths inches.

- Gee, Dad. - It's all right, dear.

Teach you to keep your eyes open crossing streets, young man.

Well, is everybody in? Anne, Ernestine, Martha, Mary, Frank...

- All present and accounted for, Dad. - Okay.

If you're all reasonably sanitary, let's go.

Bye, Jim! Bye, Mrs. Monahan!

- Good-bye! Good-bye! - Good-bye, Rhode Island.

New Jersey, here we come.

Hey, Noah, what are you doir with that ark?

Collecting animals like the good lord told me, brother.

All I need now is a jackass. Hop in!

- We turn to the left here, don't we, dear? - I'm going to turn.

It's okay, Dad. I think you can make it.

I know I can make it. Hold out your hand.

- Hi, brother. - Hi, brother.

Hi!

Eh, that fan belt again. You have to get out, Bill.

- Excuse me, Lillie. - It's not going to blow up, is it?

Of course not. Wort take a minute to fix it.

Incidentally, now's a good time,

while we're stopped, if any of you want to go see Mrs. Murphy.

- Well, how about it? - Not me, Dad.

All right. But remember, all of you, this is your last chance.

Can't understand why a good car like this should keep acting up.

If it's not one thing, it's another. Last week it was the carburetor.

- Who did that? - Uh, that was a good joke on you, Dad.

Listen, young man...

there's a time and a place for jokes, and a time and a place for spankings.

And the sooner you learn... Get out. Get out.

Mercy Maud, Frank. I'll bet you jumped six and 9/10ths inches that time.

Ha, you're right, son.

That was a good joke on me. By jingo, I'll bet I did jump six and 9/10ths inches.

Oh, these kids. These kids.

Oh, excuse me, dear. I did that. It was accidental.

# You made life cheery when you called me dearie #

# 'Twas down where the bluegrass grows #

# Your lips were sweeter than julep #

# When you wore a tulip #

- #And I wore a big, red rose # - # Bom, bom ##

Ah, Lillie, what do you suppose piddling little families...

with only five or six children do with themselves?

I can't imagine. But I do know one thing.

We'll look back on moments like these as the happiest in our lives.

- You children hear that? - Yes, sir.

All right. Don't forget it.

- # Memories, memories # - # Memories #

Dad. Hey, Dad.

- Yes, son? - I gotta go see Mrs. Murphy.

I asked you not 15 minutes ago, and you said that you...

Yes, I know... but, gee, I can't help it, Dad.

- Me too, Dad. - I do too, Dad.

By jingo, I gave you your last chance. I'm not stopping again.

- But, Dad... - Nothing doing. You had every opportunity.

Frank, I think you'd better stop.

All right. Out you go.

And hurry up. We haven't got all day!

Make it snappy.

All right. You can open your eyes now.

Well, what do you think of it?

- Oh, Frank, it's beautiful. - It's wonderful, Dad.

I'm glad you like it. Wait till you see the inside. Come on. Let's get out.

Come on there, Frank. Help your mother.

That's a good fella.

You must admit it's a mighty fine piece of property.

It's lovely.

I knew it was the right place the minute I laid eyes on it.

I didn't say much or try to describe it. I didn't want you to be disappointed.

- Oh, no, Daddy. We love it. - Howdy. You folks moving in here?

- That's right. Gilbreth's the name. - You certainly got a nice place.

- I'll say that for you. - Thank you. We think so.

- All those kids yours? - Oh, these aren't so many.

You ought to see the ones we left behind.

How you ever feed 'em?

Ah, theycome cheaper by the dozen, you know.

Come on, kids.

It was a wonderful house, and we loved living in it...

but we soon found out that, while it was often too small for 12 children...

it was more often too large for two servants.

As usual, Mother and Dad met their problem in the typical Gilbreth manner... head on!

The family council will please come to order.

Now, obviously, this house is too big for Mrs. Monahan and Jim Bracken...

to take care of without help.

Therefore, your mother and I have called this meeting to discuss...

you children taking over part of the work in the house and in the yard.

Assignments will be made on the basis of personal choice and aptitude.

Now, does the chair hear any suggestions?

Come, come, members of the council, this is a democracy. Everybody has an equal voice.

How do you want to divide the work?

In a democracy, everybody speaks. So, by jingo, start speaking.

Bill, I recognize you. What do you think?

I think Mrs. Monahan and Jim Bracken ought to do the work. They get paid for it.

- Sit down. You're no longer recognized. - But in a democracy...