Call the Midwife

We unwrap so much at Christmas.

We uncover and expose such a great deal to the light.

We examine our heart's desires.

We unfold the year gone by,

seeking all that is perfect,

striving to offer up a bright, clean sheet.

The festival brings sparkle

to our ordinary days,

peeling away each layer of experience,

revealing the heart of all that counts,

year by year by year.

I'm never quite sure about Jack And The Beanstalk as a pantomime

cos I think the kiddies get scared of the giant.

Still, you've certainly got the legs for Principal Boy.

That's what my Aunt Edie said when the other girl dropped out.

I remember you in Madam Edith's shows when you were a little girl.

Always tapping away in the back row, cos you were tall even then.

Where've you been?

Helping out Father Christmas on his busiest night of the year.

Well, you're in the wrong costume.

Right, Dame Buckle!

I've done your high heels in Lady Esquire -

they're drying by the bread bin.

I can't see you getting much wear out of these bronze patent

slingbacks in Switzerland.

Are you sure you don't want me to lend you my thermal-lined galoshes?

Christopher and I aren't just going skiing, Phyllis!

We're going apres-skiing too!

And what does that entail?

My accessories coming under quite a lot of scrutiny.

Besides, Christopher likes me in those slingbacks -

I was going to wear them on the aeroplane!

And would that be with the mink hat, the musquash capelet,

or the jacket with the fox fur trim?

You won't be wearing them with anything,

if the weather forecast for Boxing Day turns out to be correct.

They don't just close airports because of an inch of snow, Barbara!

Let's hope not!

Or quite a lot of blameless animals will have died in vain.

Oh, thank you!

What's in there?

Oh!

Everybody, there's a surprise in the parlour. Come on!

Ta-daaa!

Ah!!!

The Seaman's Mission were offered a new and rather superior model,

so I seized the chance to reclaim this.

Unless my perusal of the Radio Times deceives me,

Bronco will be broadcast at half past noon.

Hurry up, lass! You nearly missed the line-up!

Sorry!

I've just had my third turkey dinner in two days,

round at my Auntie Edie's!

Careful! The paint's wet! Angela and I only just finished it!

Thank you.

Timer's on!

Good grief!

Ooh!

Fred! It's a long time since we've seen anything like this!

Morning, Nurse Crane!

Or should I say, er, Baby, It's Cold Outside!

It's minus five degrees.

That's right. Minus five. Two foot of snow.

And three quarters of the country at a standstill.

Oh!

No milk!

A tincture apiece for your tea, and that's your lot.

The deliverers of milk are not formed of the substance that

once they were.

One saw them struggling with their crates through smoking rubble,

in the Blitz.

You've got a long face this morning, Reggie?

I don't like this hat. Violet made me wear it.

Fred's in the same sort of get-up.

I know he is.

Morning!

I like her hat.

Thank you, Reggie. My sister knitted it.

Nurse Hereward, is that a new addition to the uniform?

Oh, no, I only put it on to cross over the road.

I'm afraid Tom's had a call about the community centre.

There's been a burst pipe, flooding,

and terrible damage to the electrics.

Will Clinic have to be postponed?

It can't possibly be postponed!

It's already two days late because of the Christmas holidays!

The Fire Brigade were called out to the flood,

and they think the building will have to close completely.

But... what's going to happen to the pantomime?

May I second that sentiment?

I've got three stripy frocks, size 11 stilettos,

and a great big wig going to waste if that has to be cancelled!

Fred, the beanstalk is floating in a foot of water.

And the children from the dancing school will be so disappointed.

I am going to my office

to locate an alternative venue for our clinic this afternoon.

The fate of Jack And The Beanstalk, I entrust to the Almighty.

We were always led to understand that the Iris Knight Institute hall

would be on offer to Clinic in the event of an emergency.

But others have first call on it during natural or other disasters.

Bit of snow isn't a disaster!

The boxes of abandoned medical equipment in a flooded hall are!

And so are improperly monitored mothers.

Leave everything to us, Shelagh.

You've waited a long time for Baby Teddy. Enjoy him.

Oh, I'm not quite ready to get back in my girdle yet!

Oh, begging your pardon,

but I don't suppose I'm in with a chance of a consultation?

I'm afraid surgery's finished for this morning.

I was off to a clinic.

Only I've had a bit of an argument with a paraffin heater.

I might have burned my leg.

It will be the first time I've ever conducted Clinic in a public house.

It's rather irregular.

I'm just grateful Nurse Dyer's aunt was so accommodating. Hm.

Afternoon, ladies.

Good afternoon, Sergeant. Are we impeding the flow of the traffic?

We're advising non-essential vehicles to avoid turning left

and heading down toward the wharf.

Conditions are considered to be unsafe for vehicles

of a domestic nature, and the less skilled driver.

In which case you may move to one side with confidence,

and kindly permit us to pass.

I am a member of the Institute of Advanced Motorists,

and the wheels of this car have been fully winterised,

thanks to the timely application of a set of snow chains.

I wouldn't've troubled you, only I couldn't get to the hospital.

All the buses are off.

The trouble with this is that the leg of your trousers has melted

and made the blisters worse.

Are they Crimplene?

I don't know, Doctor. My wife buys all my clothes.

So does mine. Fortunately.

My Mabel, she, erm, don't get down the shops much.

Been lame since she was a girl.

But she's been turning me out like Burlington Bertie

since she discovered those, er, small advertisements.

You'll need regular dressing changes.

We'll a send a nurse out to you.

Oh, no, no. I'll come to the surgery.

You've all got enough to do.

I tell you what - I take my hat off to these stay-pressed slacks.

Still got a lovely sharp crease above the knee.

If we set this table here,

we can put the scales over there under the dartboard.

Auntie Florrie! I'm going through to the back to clear some space for the urine testing.

Well, I hope it's clean urine.

I've got a gross of pies arriving.

All my regulars are back at work today.

You'll have to feed them through the tap room window.

Women and children first.

They said that on the Titanic.

Good afternoon, ladies! Please take a seat.

I'm afraid we don't have any magazines for you to read today,

but we do have shove ha'penny and dominoes.

Is this is where we're supposed to come, Nurse?

Only my wife's not been seen by a London doctor yet.

Oh!

Gangway!

Time and the weighing queue wait for no man.

Believe me, you're in highly expert hands.

Might even get a packet of pork scratchings.

How long have you been in these parts, Mrs Openshaw?

Only a week.

My bloke's a roofer, and we came down because of his job.

And can I have your maiden name?

I'm not married.

Oh. Your fella said you were his wife!

He keeps asking me to be.

But he's not the baby's father.

Here.

I keep this one for show and sharing.

I haven't blown my nose in it or anything.

Listen, it's bedlam in here today, and you're as likely to get

a pickled egg and a pint of mild as a urine test.

Why don't I come out and see you at home?

We live in a caravan.

We haven't been able to find a flat yet.

So, where are you parked?

Wait! Let me help you, Nurse Crane!

Such a very personable young man.

I thought you two would be making merry in the land of goats

and superior milk chocolate by now!

London Airport's closed!

There's no flights to Zurich until further notice. Oh.

I'm not sure I can even get back to my flat.

You're very welcome to avail yourself of our guest room,

if conditions remain trying, Mr Dockerill.

I want that car off the road now,

where it's not causing an obstruction,

winterised tyres or no winterised tyres!

It is as well we had not yet packed away the accoutrements

required for revelry.

For, as St Paul advised the Hebrews,

be not forgetful of hospitality,

for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

There are 12 days of Christmas, after all.

Ah!

Why is it always me?

Bad luck, Val.