Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong

Well honey, I hope you're comfortable.

I realize you might be a little cold,

but don't you worry.

I'm sure it's plenty warm where you're going.

All I gotta say is, good luck to Satan.

That poor son of a bitch has to deal with your nagging ass.

You won't be needing these anymore.

Consider us divorced.

What the hell?

What the hell is that?

Wow, that's some kind of smoke.

Oh wow.

Oh wow.

Mmmm.

Oh, wow, look at that.

That's no meteor.

Whoa.

Well, well.

Whoa, wow.

This is the luckiest day of my life.

Wow, wow.

Look at you.

You are incredible.

Whoa, you are wow.

Wow.

You are great.

Curious.

Wow.

Astounding, simply astounding.

Whoa.

Oh my.

Oh my gosh, Alistair you fool.

The initial observations are often the most critical.

I can't trust them to memory.

This is Alistair McDowell of the Space Institute,

April 20th at o ten hundred hours,

after tracking on radar what appeared to be a meteor

losing its gravitational orbit,

I have entered the woods just north of the city

following its projected trajectory.

The impact site is littered

with what appears to be a grass.

I will now take a sample.

Evidence of a substance has been taken

off the outer skin of the meteorite.

Upon further observation,

it seems that rather than a high density rock,

the meteorite seems to be composed of a metal of some kind.

Formed into a crude sphere.

Huh.

Was this done naturally?

Or possibly by some living, sentient beings?

More data is needed, but the possibility is exciting.

Curious.

By the markings on top of this plate,

it looks as if something had once sat atop it.

Maybe, I don't know jostled loose in space or knocked over.

Hiyah!

Put em up dude.

I am unarmed, I assure you.

Sex , lies, and video tape.

I never knew a fed without a strap.

You must have an ankle piece.

- I told you, I'm unarmed, nor am I a fed as you call it.

Do you mean federal officer, as in FBI?

FBI, CIA, DKNY.

DKNY?

- They're all a part of same alphabet soup, brother.

But.

Turn around slow, no sudden moves.

Larnell.

Al?

You look different.

You been hitting the creatine?

Throwing some weights around?

You noticed.

But what the heck are you doing here?

- Sorry about that, I thought you might be federal popo.

Well, clearly not.

I mean I'm working for the Space Institute.

No kidding?

Dude that's great.

Good you got here before the feds.

Why is that?

- Maybe you and I can work together on this thing.

Sweet mother of pearl, I was right.

I was tracking this thing from outer space

and I figured it came down somewhere right around here.

Wait, you were tracking it, but how?

- Let's just say I have access to certain equipment.

The less you know, the better, Al.

Plausible deniability and all.

Um, why were you worried

that I might be a federal officer?

- Come on dude, the feds have been covering up

UFO sightings since that flying saucer crash back in 1947.

They still got the alien dudes locked up in Area 51.

They've been feeding the poor little dudes

Old Milwaukee and tater tots.

Taters

Hiding them from us because

they don't think we can handle the truth.

They've been using their brains for technology too.

I'm talking about microwave ovens, cell phones, Hot Pockets.

Hot Pockets?

And Jimmy Cameron.

Wait, Jim Cameron, the movie director?

Yeah, he's their offspring.

The aliens's I mean.

Come on Al,

Avatar is like a five hour love letter to his home planet.

But the fed dunes think us dumb yokels can handle it

because it's just a story.

Well not me, baby.

- I don't know about all that, but what about the meteorite?

Don't snow me Al, I heard you talking

to your little tape recorder when I snuck up on you.

You know this thing ain't no space rock.

It's a spaceship.

You and I can expose the secret to the world.

Those fed goons will have no choice

but to let those poor little aliens out of lock up.

I don't anything about that,

but I've never seen a study

of the meteorite like this before.

You smell that?

Come on dude, don't tell me you don't recognize it,

not after everything we've been through.

Oh my goodness, you're right,

it smells like some kind of marijuana.

Look at all this stuff.

- Don't touch it, we have no idea of its toxicity.

Let me toke some of this shit

and I'll take my own fucking rating.

- I think the scientific method will be safer.

Safe?