Backcountry

You ready?

- How am I doing? - Sure you want to know?

"Does your boyfriend always get his way?"

Yes.

"Does he admit when he's wrong?"

Never.

Does your boyfriend know how to build a fire with no matches?

Answer is D, who cares.

- A, yes. Very well. - Sorry, that question's not on here.

- It should be in there. - Sorry. So you're still zero.

- No! - Yeah!

Never put your hat on the bed, son Never put your hat on the bed

Cuz if your hat's on the bed You might wake up dead

So don't you never put your hat on the bed

Always keep an edge on your knife, son Always keep an edge on your knife

Cuz a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge

Against the vague uncertainties of life

Yes, a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge

Against the uncertain vagaries of life

- Get your hands on the wheel. - But I never could sharpen no knife

Like the one give the advice

Yodel-aye, yodel-aye, yodel-ooh

Never sell the old .22...

- Hello? - Hey.

- Just give me a second, will you? - Yeah, sure.

- How you doin'? - Good, good, good.

We're reserved under Louis.

- What's the name? - Alex Louis.

Yeah, sign in here. You're ready to go.

Your canoe will be right down there by the water.

- Bring it back Monday at five. - That's right, back to work Tuesday.

- Need a map? - No, I'm good.

- You don't want a map? - No. No. I know this park well.

It's kinda end of the season, right?

I mean, the weather can change on you... just turn on a dime.

- Less people. - Amen to that.

You mind me askin' you, Mr. No Map, where you're headed?

Blackfoot Trail. I can't wait to show her.

It's her first time here. It's gonna be awesome.

I got some bad news for you, I'm really sorry about this

but Blackfoot Trail's closed for the season.

- Why? - Had to.

I mean, so many yahoos, you know,

trampin' around there, disrespecting everything. This is a treasured site.

I don't have to tell you I guess. And Parks and Recreation want to keep it that way.

Look, going to Blackfoot Trail is kinda the whole point of this trip.

It's 500 bucks if you're caught up there. Each.

That'll be a 1000 bucks expensive little camping trip.

Alright.

- Jenn, you ready? - Yeah.

Hang on. Hey, rodeo, here's your medical kit and there's a whistle in there,

try to bring that back and I'll try not to charge you.

Thousand bucks?

You're pretty good.

- Bye. You have a nice trip. - Thanks.

- Really? - Last one.

- Come on, babe. - No, this is really important.

You know, we've been waiting forever for this. I'm... just...

They're all important. Can't wait till we get back?

Okay, I'm done. Okay?

- Alright. I don't believe you, but... - Well, putting it away, so it's...

Hang on, hang on. Let's take a picture. Just to mark the departure.

- Put it to good use, right? - Fine. Okay.

Ready?

- Good. - Yeah. One of us looks good.

Alright.

- Hey, have a good one. - Thanks a lot.

- Fuck! - You okay?

Fuck, fuck that... fuckin' hurt like a bitch.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll just walk it off.

This is for you.

You look scared anyway. Feel safe.

I probably won't need it.

Got it taken care of already.

- Look what I got. - When did you get that?

- I got it a few days ago. - You're not gonna need it.

Do you wanna have a good time on this trip or do you want me to be freaking out?

- This is what makes me feel safe. - Okay. Okay.

Well, if you can have it, it's useless in your bag. Give it to me. Thanks.

Just gonna clip it to your belt, alright?

And you're not gonna need it.

Bear spray.

Wonder what other goodies you have in there.

- Nothin'. - Let's see.

I don't have anything in there. Hey, there's nothing.

- Come on. - What?

- Seriously? This is a road flare. - I know what it is.

Yeah. This is for when your car breaks down on the side of the highway.

You know this. I know you know this.

Jenn, come on, if you wanted a flare, I could've picked up a pen flare.

They sell them at any camping store.

- Here's your flare. - Thank you.

- You ready? - Think so.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

- You good? - Yes.

What, sorry, what?

Jenn, you know we'd be lucky to see anything bigger than a chipmunk, right?

- Hi. - Hey.

No!

Hey, look at that. That's cute.

We should take it.

- Here's a good spot. - Yeah.

Counselor, back up, please.

- Tryin' to turn me on right now? - Is it working?

Oh, yeah. It's pretty hot.

Speaking of...

do you remember the little swimming hole we walked by?

- Nope, I don't. No. - Really?

- You said you would. - I didn't say that.

- Yes, you did. - I said maybe.

No, no, no. You said yes. Come on, babes.

No. It's like when you say, "Do you want to order Chinese food tonight?"

And I go, "Maybe," and then we get Italian.

It's like that.

- I'm gonna be all lonely by myself. - Well, no one's making you do this.

Stop it!

Oh, my God, please. What if there's...

Don't leave me hangin', babe.

Okay, okay. Fine.

- You ready? - No.

Come on.

5... 4... 3, 2, 1!

- Jenn, come on! - No!

It's freezing.

I'm gonna get some more wood before it gets too dark.

- Okay, I'll come help you. - No, no, I'll be back in a second.

Okay. Yeah.

Hello.

How long have you been...

At this time...

- What? - No, I mean...

- Really? - Yeah.

Hey. This is Alex. Alex this is Brad.

- Brad, right? - Yeah. Hi, how are you?

I'm good. Thanks.

- Were you just walkin' by or... - Oh, yeah, I was comin' up the trail

and I ran into your friend here and she invited me over for a chat.

Yeah. Turns out that he also kind of grew up in a park, the woods.

And he's got a ton of fish so I thought maybe we could all have dinner tonight.

Couldn't eat 'em all if I wanted to. I mean, I could try, but...

I just gotta put a shirt on, alright?

- Okay. - Yeah.

So you were sayin'...

- Jenn? - Yeah?

- Would you come help me here for a sec? - Sure.

- What's up? - Come on in.

Okay.

- What's goin' on? - You comfortable with this?

- What? Him? - Yeah, I don't know, this guy could be...

I was talkin' to him for, like, 10 minutes. He's great.

- He's great. Well, he's a liar. - Why is he a liar?

Woods? What, the woods of Ireland?

- Come on, come on. - What does that have to do with anything?

Did you invite him or he invited himself?

I did.

- You want me to uninvite him? - No, we can't do that.

- I can do that. It'd be really awkward. - You'd never be able to do that. I know you.

- What do you need help with? - I obviously don't need help.

I guess it wasn't obvious because... you told me to come in here.

You know, I don't wanna bother you all, so...

Probably better if I just be on my way and... have a nice trip.

- No, no, no. Stay. - No, no, no. You're gonna stay...

and you're gonna have some dinner with us.

- Yeah? - Of course.

It was just... it was just a misunderstanding, that's all.

Well, alright, then. Let's do it.

You wanted fish.

I thought it was illegal to fish these lakes.

Grandfather law.

So that's when... like an old law applies to existing situations

but then a new one applies to all the future ones?

- I know what a grandfather law is. - Okay. Sorry.

- Lawyer. - Yeah, I got that.

What about you, Alex? What do you do?

Well... right now I'm...

My buddy has a landscaping business so I'm... I'm working with him.

Are you Mexican?

I didn't mean anything by that.

I just thought that's a job that the Mexicans do here.

Well, what he does is pretty high end.

And actually he's starting a new company soon, so...

It's great. He's really talented.

Well done you, Alex.

- Trout looks good. - It does, right?

Yeah, and lucky for me if I cannot find any fish I got a license to kill a deer.

Oh, cool.

Fuck me tryin' to get a license for that these days.

You guys have anything we can cook for sides with these?

Yeah, you know, I could...

- Maybe fry the veggies or potatoes? - Yeah, veggies sound good.

- Okay. - Well, I say the potatoes.

Why don't we do both?

You know, Alex...

let's eat the potatoes.

I'll get 'em.

So you're Irish?

- County Tipperary. - Is that near Mexico?

That's a good one. Actually south of Dublin.