A New Old Play (椒麻堂会)

A New Old Play

Not finished yet?

- Hurry up, man! - Take it easy.

Keep it UP!

Old Qiu, good morning.

Master Qiu...

And you are...?

Learned Sir, so versed in ancient lore, surely you recognize us?

Are you kidding? I've been on stage since I was seven.

Acted every role.

You're from Fengdu, the capital of Hell.

- That's us indeed! - At your service.

Demons Oxhead and Horseface.

Oxey and Horsey to you. Most honoured!

The honour's all mine.

Meeting two deities in person& Quite a day!

You flatter us.

Are you here& for me?

We are! Welcome!

I'm certainly much obliged&

Not at all! We're great fans of your plays.

When our Dads heard you were next on our list, they were green with envy!

- Your Dads are demons too? - Naturally!

But now retired.

Then they should visit our theatre. I'll get them tickets.

With pleasure! Wonderful!

Mr. Qiu?

Mr. Qiu!

Where are you off to?

- What are you running for? - Come back!

Where do you think you're going?

It's no use running.

Don't follow me!

- The King of Hell has sent for you! - He wants to see your show!

Sure, and who comes back from Hell?

Come on, or we'll look bad.

What office sent you? Ministry of Propaganda, right?

We don't answer to them down here.

Just on your say-so? Do you have no respect for artists?

In the old days, you'd need a red and gold invitation.

Hang on a minute!

Look, here!

A formal invitation, signed personally by the King of Hell.

So what?

If I'm being transferred, you should notify my work unit.

Don't worry, Propaganda won't complain.

Who cares about them? My direct boss is my wife!

Has been for forty years.

She must be very sad now. I have to say my goodbyes.

Qiu, it's fate, no one can change that.

You've been in opera since you were eight, you know about life and death.

Seven! I was seven when I joined New-New!

Alright, you were seven.

Come on, nothing down there to be afraid of.

Mr. Qiu! Let's go.

Thank you, Holy One. This Netherworld is impressive&

Respects, General, but I'm no Saint.

Private Liu, 21st Army.

You're one of my men?

Your skull is as smooth as a holy pearl.

What else could you be but a Saint?

I shaved it this morning, sir.

- So smooth and shiny. - I was a barber before the army.

And quite skilled at it.

If you're not a saint, you must be a demon...

The skin on your face is rough.

I got the pox very young.

They still call me Pocky.

- Generalissimo. - Master.

Is that Pocky singing?

Indeed. Who else?

He's a real opera lover.

Life was tough before he joined up, but he watched plays whenever he could.

Being rather short, and too poor to buy a ticket,

he couldn't see much.

But he vowed that one day, he'd start his own troupe

and sit up at the stage watching opera every day.

A dreamer, right?

Lucky he heard the holy call of guns,

or he'd just be a struggling actor.

- Lucky Star! - Yes, sir!

Forward march!

Say, Commander...

We need a name for the troupe. How about "The New-New Theatre"?

- What? - "New-New"

New-New?

Boss,

the Confucian Classics tell us

"Renew daily."

"Renew yourself daily, and be new every day."

We took our players from the "New Theatre" troupe.

And our repertoire is the best in Sichuan.

"New-New" is newer than new.

- "Blue comes from indigo& - &and yet surpasses it!"

- Exactly! - "New-New" 8;

is even newer than "Renewed".

Exactly!

But how is it newer?

By being different.

How will it be different?

- By adding more female roles. - Right!

- Audiences like female roles. - Times are changing.

We need more female actors.

Quite right! "Progress through change."

But we need to consider carefully&

Consider? Audiences love them!

Some critics have protested.

Who cares about them?

Old fogeys who won't live long.

Right!

We're a goddam Republic now. "Be young at heart!"

Right!

With you in charge, Commander,

we'll be resolutely modern!

- Modern is best. - They'll love it.

- To be modern is to be new. - A new era!

- We need modern dramas! - In modern costume!

Let's recruit Liu Huaixu. Our best modern playwright.

Brilliant!

COURTESY SILENCE

HOLY FOUNDER BODHISATTVA

Here he comes! Hurry, Crooky! See who's here?

Look, over there.

Come on, come on.

He's come at last.

Master Crooky!

It's really you! Do you still recognize me?

How could I not?

I came specially to meet you!

- He did. - You knew I was coming?

It's been so long& I've missed you all.

I heard you'd died. I was so excited I couldn't sleep!

And you, when did you die exactly?

He's been hanging around here for ages.

We couldn't find his file.

The King of Hell takes no-one in without a file.

Sent him away twice, sonvabitch still wandered back!

Well, are you alive or dead?

Can't enter Ghost City, can't go back,

stayed here and opened a pub!

- He has customers in this hellhole? - What do you think?

- Is there wine? - Sure!

My toes are curling just thinking of it.

Come on, drinks time. Since we're here...

Have you got taller?

Your back is straighter!

You'll be wanting dinner.

CANTEEN

That kid's still here.

- Who's the little brat? - Don't ask me.

I heard a teacher call him... Qiu something.

Filthy. Puts me off my food.

Does the boss know he's squatting here?

You're drinking early again.

Join me, my Empress,

Drink with your lonely monarch!

- Oh, stop that! - Come, one cup of wine!

- One single cup... - insufferable.

Don't wolf your food.

Be careful swallowing!

Aren't you hungry?

I'm still hungry.

Thank you, Master Crooky.

You're still drinking.

This is the Emperor's last sip.

The last sip, how sad.

Who the fuck threw that?

Honestly& down to the very dregs.

ORDER

The chickens go gugugugu...

The ducks go didididi...

Push more from the diaphragm.

Just listen to you bellowing! Who will pay to hear that?

Understood? You'll all starve!

In the peace of night...

Sing.

The peace of night, its melancholy light

Again.

Stupid mus.

In time you'll see, I'm quite easygoing.

If you need help with anything,

just ask, Uncle Crooky.

But when you scoop rice, please look down!

Blow!

And again!

Coming, Uncle Crooky! What do you need?

And& blow!

Still burning!

Don't cry.

At the Academy, we have food and blankets,

plus cotton uniforms.

Even a beating tones up the muscles.

What more can you ask?

I'm hungry-

Well, I'm starving!

Tomorrow, we'll all bring a bit extra.

Look, it's that brat Qiu. Want another beating?

Scram.

They say his old man was an actor.

That's right.