The Babymoon

HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE NEW KATE WINSLET MOVIE?

IT'S GREAT. YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.

APPARENTLY I'M TOLD I LOOK JUST LIKE HER.

AND HOPEFULLY MY ACTING CAREER

WILL TAKE OFF JUST LIKE HERS.

THAT IS NOT GONNA HELP.

SHE WANTS YOUR AUTOGRAPH SIGNED WITH HER PENCIL SKIRT.

IT'S OKAY, SHE'LL GET THE HINT.

I'LL GET YOU GUYS SOME SUGAR.

I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.

WHAT? THE LITTLE GUY?

WHAT, THE WAITRESS?

SHE'S ONLY DOING THAT BECAUSE SHE THINKS

I'M GONNA CALL MY AGENT AND TELL HIM I FOUND

THE NEXT JENNIFER LAWRENCE ON MY FLIGHT TO CARTEGENTINA.

OH, OH, OOPS, I'M SO SORRY, SIR.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

UM, NO, CAN WE GET A GINGER ALE, PLEASE?

NO, IT'S FINE. I DON'T NEED ONE.

OH, IS THE LITTLE ONE CREATING A FUSS?

HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU, SUGAR?

WAY TOO FAR TO PUT A STOP TO IT.

I THINK THIS TREND OF HAVING A BABYMOON

IS JUST ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

WELL, IT'S THE LAST VACATION YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE

FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS

OF CHILD-REARING RESPONSIBILITY.

MY ACTING COACH IN FORT WORTH, TEXAS,

WHO READS A LOT OF STELLA ADLER--

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE,

BUT WE CAN DO WITHOUT THE DOWN-HOME WISDOM.

I SIMPLY ASKED FOR A DRINK, SO IF YOU COULD GO GET THAT,

- BRING IT UNOPENED, PLEASE, OKAY? - MM-HMM.

AND IF YOU COULD PLEASE STOP TOUCHING ME, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

- THANK YOU. - RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

UNOPENED.

YOU ARE SUCH A DICK.

YEAH, BUT I'M YOUR DICK, HONEY.

HEY, YOU LIKE? LIKE OUR COUNTRY?

YOU LIKE THE COUNTRY?

WE GO ONE WAY AND NOW WE GO A BETTER WAY.

- WATCH OUT THERE. - THE LITTLE PUPPIES.

I KNOW.

THEY'RE TOTALLY GONNA CROSS THE STREET.

WHY'S IT AT...

MMM, I DON'T THINK HE HAS ANY PLANS

IS THE PROBLEM HERE.

THAT WAS ALMOST AS LONG AS THAT FLIGHT.

- SIR. - SI.

HERE.

BUY A MAP, PLEASE.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SEÑORA. - THANK YOU.

- UH, MR. AND MRS. - YES.

- HOMER SIMPSON. - IN YOUR MIND, MAYBE,

BUT IN MY COMPUTER, NO EXISTE.

WHICH, IT DOES NOT EXIST.

- JUST GIVE THE PASSPORTS. - IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY, I GOT IT.

IT'S OKAY, IT'S OUR CELEBRITY COVER NAME.

I-- I JUST WANNA GET BACK TO THE ROOM.

OKAY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH MR. WILLIAM TRAH-SAY...

- MICKEY VANN? MICKEY VANN? - YEP.

- MICKEY VANN? - I GET IT.

- DON'T GET VH1. - UM, JUST ENSURE THAT WE'RE ON

THE FIRST OR SECOND FLOOR.

I JUST GET REALLY DIZZY.

I HAVE YOU IN THE PREMIER BUNGALOW.

IS THAT FIRST, THIRD, YOU KNOW, SECOND, MAYBE?

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, IT'S ON THE THIRD FLOOR,

BUT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON...

THE FLOOR THAT YOU ARE ON.

- IT'LL BE OKAY, BABY. - DO YOU HAVE A UM...

- A BAÑO? - YES.

THERE IS SOME, PLEASE.

TO YOUR LEFT, THEN MAKE A RIGHT.

AND THEN MAKE A RIGHT.

IF YOU GET LOST, JUST SAY BAÑO, POR FAVOR.

- JUST SAY BAÑO. - BAÑO, POR-- FINE.

YES, YOU LOOK VERY NICE, SO THEY WILL SENSE

THAT YOU MEAN "POR FAVOR," EVEN IF YOU DON'T SAY IT.

LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT. DE NADA.

HASTA LUEGO.

SO, I COULDN'T NOTICE THAT SHE HAS A...

- BABY? - IS YOURS?

- SI. - OKAY, MUY BIEN. FELICIDADES!

AT LEAST I'M NOT DONE YET.

YES. NO.

BEST ZIP LINE FOR FAMILY.

- HONEY. - YOU SHOULD LOVE IT.

I CANNOT DO A ZIP LINE.

- WHY? - IT'S NOT SAFE.

CARTEGENTINA'S BEST ROCK CLIMBING.

SAFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S OKAY, BABY. YOU KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO?

WE'LL GET DRESSED, WE'LL GO IN.

WE'LL GO TO THE BOOZE CRUISE, WE'LL GET OUR DANCE ON.

HMM? SHAKA, SHAKA, SHAKA.

SOUNDS LIKE FUN FOR YOU.

- OH, RIGHT, YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS. - YEAH.

IT'S OKAY, WE'LL JUST-- WE'LL GET CHANGED,

WE'LL GO LIE BY THE POOL.

YEAH, THANKS.

OOH'. NOT BAD FOR A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY , HUH?

THIS ROOM IS WAY OVER OUR BUDGET.

OH, HONEY, YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THESE ABORIGINALS

WITH THEIR FANCY MASKS.

IS IT MARDI GRAS OVER HERE?

UH, NO, THOSE ARE GAS MASKS.

YEAH, PEOPLE ARE PREPARING FOR THE POLITICAL DEMONSTRATIONS

AGAINST OUR NOT-VERY-EFFECTIVE GOVERNMENT.

THAT WAS NOT ON THE TRIP ADVISOR REVIEW.

OH-OH, YEAH, FIGHT THE MAN, HUH?

POOF. YEAH, YOU GOTTA EXPLODE THAT ONE.

OH, OKAY.

UM, CHECK WITH THE CONCIERGE.

HE WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU SEE

ALL OF THE BEAUTY OF THE ISLAND

WITHOUT ANY OF ITS, YOU KNOW, UGLINESS.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

DID I-- IF I DID SOMETHING TO DISPLEASE YOU I DIDN'T...

PLEASE CHECK OUT RICCO'S BISTRO.

CHEF RICCO'S CEVICHE WAS RATED NUMBER FOUR

IN GOURMET INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE. HE'S VERY GOOD.

- OKAY. - GRACIAS.

WHAT'S CEVICHE?

IT'S RAW FISH. I CAN'T EAT IT.

HI, YES, CAN YOU PLEASE SEND SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE QUALIFIED

TO SEND THE REST OF OUR BAGGAGE? THANKS.

A LITTLE BIT HARSH.

SHE WAS ALREADY COMING ONTO YOU.

HANNA, HONEY, THAT'S A LITTLE BIT PARANOID.

DO NOT CALL ME THAT.

SERIOUSLY.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY.

HONEY, SEE THIS?

THIS WINDOW?

- THIS IS A SEPARATE COUNTRY. - YES.

THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CULTURES AND CUSTOMS, HMM?

BUT THIS IS OUR TIME

AND WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT.

AND IF YOU WANT A LITTLE BIT OF THIS,

- YOU KNOW WHAT TM SAYING, SUGAR? - MM-MMM.

MM-MMM.

OKAY.

WHAT COLOR DO YOU THINK FOR THE POOL, HONEY?

- COME HERE. - IT'S OKAY.

I DON'T WANNA MAKE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANNA DO.

OH.

OH! OKAY, YEAH, THIS IS HAPPENING.

OKAY, WE'RE GOIN' FOR IT.

NO, IT'S OKAY, HONEY, IT'S OKAY.

WE'RE OKAY.

WE'RE OKAY.

- IT'S SAFER THAT WAY. - I BET.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR JEWELRY?

NOT WORTH IT.

I LIKE YOUR DESIGNS.

I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING AWAY FROM THE JACKALS.

LOOKS LIKE I BROUGHT YOU RIGHT TO THE DEN.

OKAY, HOLD ON. LET ME JUST GET MY FOOTING.

- OH! - IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

- I DON'T WANT YOU TO FALL BACK. - THANK YOU.

- MM-HMM. - YUP.

WE'RE JUST MAKING A SCENE.

NO, I'M NOT. DON'T WORRY.

WHALE HAS BEACHED.

DO YOU MIND?

- STARING'S RUDE. -

OKAY.

ASSHOLE.

ASSHOLE, YES.

DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

WHO, WHAT?

- THAT'S FABRICE MANCINI. - I SHOULD KNOW HIM FROM--

DO YOU KNOW “FRIENDS,“ “TWO AND A HALF MEN,“ “ SEINFELD“ '?

- YEAH, OF COURSE. OKAY, HE HAD NOTHING - TO DO WITH THOSE,

BUT HE ALWAYS HAD A KNACK FOR GETTING HIS LOWER GRADE

SITCOMS TO AIR RIGHT AFTER THEM.

- MADE A FORTUNE. - THAT'S GREAT.

WELL, MAYBE HE'LL RECOGNIZE YOU

AND YOU'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.

- UH! - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- IS HE LOOKING? - NO.

I'M GONNA GO TO THE POOL.

- DO YOU WANT HELP? - NOPE, I GOT IT.

I'M GOOD, THANKS.

YOU LOOK GREAT, HONEY.

MI AMORE.

AT LEAST YOU'LL BE PRETTY LIKE YOUR FATHER.

- I LIKE THAT. - DO THAT NEXT TIME.

OH, OKAY.

JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU SEND IT OUT...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

HONEY, I'M-- I-- I--

HANNA, HONEY, IT'S JUST THE RECEIPT.

IT'S FOR A COUPLE OF DRINKS.

I CAN'T DRINK.

NO, BABY, IT'S NOT FOR YOU. IT'S FOR FABRICE.