Modern Family

What's all this? I said one suitcase.

- I need choices, Jay. - Colombia's not one of your more formal nations.

The guy on their money's sitting in a lawn chair.

Ay. I cannot believe that my little baby's leaving me.

You know, I left the glass doors open downstairs...

so right now your actual baby may be leaving.

Ah, ah, ah! One robe.

I guess we know what everyone will be talking about my second morning there.

Manny's visiting Gloria's family for about a month-I hope.

I just got to get him on a plane...

before Gloria has a meltdown and changes her mind.

'Cause if he doesn't go to Colombia, Colombia comes to me.

It's happened before.

Gloria!

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God! - What?

Oh, it's Mitchell. We won.

Oh, that's great! What we won?

It's fantastic. We've waited so long.

- What did we won? - The Supreme Court ruling. Gay marriage is legal.

- ¡Ay.! Congratulations. - Thanks, Gloria.

Can I talk to Cam?

Uh, yes. Hold on.

- It's- - Thank you. Yeah. It's Mitchell. Hi. Hey.

I gotta go, but can you believe this finally happened?

I know. It's amazing. We'll celebrate tonight. I love you.

- Celebrate what? - Oh. Well, Jay, hold on to your hat...

but as of today in California...

it's legal for a man to marry another man!

Ew. He threw up.

He just needs some time to get used to the idea, honey.

It's so great, Cam.

Yeah, I'm happy for you guys.

Gloria, Manny needs his birth certificate to reenter the country.

- Any idea where it is? - I don't know.

Oh, that's right. He leaves today. You must be a wreck.

She's not a wreck. She's a rock. I looked and it's not in the safe.

This one had her first sleepover last week.

I just had to tough my way through it.

He picked me up in the dark.

I can't find that birth certificate anywhere, Jay.

Maybe it's a sign and-

it's a sign we need a refresher meeting...

on what goes in the safe.

Here's a preview-no shoes.

I looked online, and we can get a copy if we go to the courthouse.

That's what we're gonna do. In the car. We'll be back in an hour.

Hey, Cam. Congratulations. Go, gay marriage!

He did it again.

Ay. Sí.

Okay. Well-

So tell me, Cam. How does it work when it is between two men?

Well, I don't really feel comfortable talking about that in front of Lily.

I know how that works.

I rented the wrong movie once.

Did you see Glen, Garry, Glenn and Ross?

Uh, no. Why don't you go play?

What I mean is, who proposes to who?

I don't know. We've talked about it- if it ever became legal.

Okay, and now it is. So are you going to do it today?

- It just happened. I haven't really had- - You have to do it today.

Every couple deserves a beautiful proposal story.

Well, I have always adored my mom and dad's story.

He plowed "Will you marry me?" into a snowy field right outside of her window.

And then he tried to recreate it for their 25th wedding anniversary...

but there was no snow, so he burned it into a cornfield.

Bad idea.

But Mama did get a second ring out of it with the FEMA money.

Ay. I wish I also had a romantic story.

One day, we were watching TV before dinner, and Jay says...

"Manny, hand me that thing."

And Manny gives him the ring.

I was very happy, of course, but it's not the best story.

At least Javier was on top of a dolphin.

Soldiers talk about that moment...

When they shut off, when the war finally wins.

Get down!

- Shut up! - I can't see the TV!

Turn the fan on!

Stop yelling! My head's going to explode!

For me, that moment is four days into summer vacation.

Hey, honey. What's up?

Do you remember when summer meant fireflies...

And cutoff shorts and ice cream trucks?

Well, one out of three.

We'll get our time.

They're all going away at some point, right?

Yeah. Haley's got her beach trip...

and Alex is doing Habitat for Humanity and Luke has camp.

If I remember, I think we have six hours totally kid-free on-Oh, the 14th.

If we moved Alex's flight, we could have, like, 10 or 12 hours.

Dream bigger, hot pants. Step aside.

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

Oh.

I have 22nd to the eighth for Alex. Luke to the 14th.

Haley gets a day there. Come on.

That's it, beautiful mind. Harness that crazy into something positive.

Shh. If we can get Alex to move her Habitat for Humanity from Oklahoma to Sacramento...

and Luke to move his camp session...

they will both overlap with Haley's vacation...

and I just bought us seven kid-free days.

- Witchcraft! - Yeah.

I've outdone myself, Gloria.

I booked the restaurant from our first date...

the same table overlooking the ocean...

and I'll do it at sunset, which I've recently discovered is my ideal lighting.

- That's so romantic. - I know. Isn't it?

Oh. Oh! Oh, okay. Oh, that's Mitchell.

- Gotta go. - Oh, don't let him hear the excitement in your voice.

You're right. You're right.

What?

I'm at that coffee shop on Third, and I forgot my wallet.

- Can you come bail me out? - Oh, isn't this convenient?

It actually was. I was only two blocks away.

But when I got there, I realized it was all a ploy so he could propose.

But it was so sweet, I just decided to ditch my plans and let him do it.

Mitchell, I'm so sorry, but there is a massive pileup on the 405...

and, well, I have to go pick up Lily.

Maybe you could just call Claire or something?

Cam. Cam. I got, like, 50 cents to my name.

Have you decided on a tea?

Um-

Do they all cost the same? Yeah.

Look at that line.

Probably everybody getting their gay marriage license.

I think it's just called a marriage license.

Yeah, I don't know.

- Maybe we should go home and forget about it. - What?

I've been reading up on some of those tropical diseases-

- malaria, yellow fever, rabies. - Mm-hmm.

I'm high risk, Jay. I'm a big hand shaker.

You're fine. You've had all your shots.

And that Paco Rabanne will scare away any mosquitoes.

Jay, I'm scared.

I'm not sure I want to go through with it.

We didn't drive all the way down here for that piece of paper...

for you to get cold feet at the last second.

And what happened anyway? You've been looking forward to this day for months.

I know, but maybe we should wait until next year.

- I'm still kind of young to be doing this. - We're not waiting.

I already paid for you, and your mother signed off. This is happening.

Great day, huh?

That's disgusting.

- Hello! - Oh, thank God.

- Mm-hmm. - I've had so many cups of tea...

they gave me my own one of these.

Oh. Here you go.

So congratulations on the whole marriage thing.

- How amazing is that, right? - Yeah. We gonna hear some big gay wedding bells soon?

- Well, just wedding bells. - Mmm.

Yeah, yeah. Of course. We've always talked about it.

But you know, it's just a matter of finding the right timing.

And then there's a couple of other factors-

tax implications and estate planning.

Oh, stop. I'm swooning.

I'm just being practical. You're the same way.

You told Phil to take back your engagement ring and buy you a washer/dryer.

Don't put this back on me. Come on.

What is Cam's biggest complaint about you?

You're not romantic. This is your opportunity.

Mitchell, you should go home tonight and surprise him with a big, splashy proposal.

He would really like it if I proposed to him.

- Mm-hmm. - I guess I could stop after work and pick up a card and-

- Oh, my God. You're hopeless. - I know.

Mitchell, okay. This is what you do.

- Okay. - It really should be your own idea though.

No, come on. Come on. I need help.

- Please. - Fine. Okay.

Tonight you cook him his favorite meal.

You open the best bottle of wine.

And just as the two of you are sitting down to enjoy it...

- you break up with him. - What? Why?

Because then, as he is at his lowest, you pop the question.

He goes from agony to ecstasy! It's so romantic.

- You're kidding, right? - More traditional?

- Y- - All right.

You look into his eyes...

and you say, "I saw a doctor. He found a small dark mass."

- What are you? - And then just as he begins to cry...

you pull out a black box with the ring in it.

There's your small dark mass!

- It's genius! - Y-You're a disaster.

You could go the disaster route too.

Did you ever hear how I told Phil we were gonna have Luke?

I said, "Thousands of children die every day."

Dad?

I'm sorry. Was I being proud of you too loud?

- What are you doing? - Going off to Habitat, helping all those people.

Honey, I'm speechless.

- Thanks. I just thought it was- - But are we sure about Oklahoma?

There's so many needy people right up in Sacramento. And it's driving distance.

I already signed up for my work detail...

and I've been e-mailing with my tentmate.

Yeah. No, you're right.

I guess it's just-

No.

Never mind.

- What is it? - No. It's stupid.

I've just never been so far away from my baby girl before.

Not now, waterworks. Not now.

Oh, Daddy.