The Middle

Frankie: Cultures around the world

celebrate coming-of-age in different ways.

Out here in the middle, we don't do much...

unless we have a Jewish friend.

Jewish people know how to party.

It was catered by Stuckey's,

and Josh got to read from this giant scroll,

and the font was insane.

I want all my books in scroll from now on.

Plus, they're letting me keep the hat.

I'm gonna wear it to church next week.

Wow. Sounds like a hell of a Bar Mitzvah.

Oh, it was.

But here's what I don't get...

Josh Goldstein is several inches shorter

and a whole year younger than me,

and he's a man now?

But I'm not? I don't get it.

That's just how it is in Josh's culture.

It's what they do.

Well, do we have something like that in our culture?

We're Protestants.

We just try to obey the commandments and keep our heads down.

Really?

You sure there isn't some ceremony we were supposed to do

but you didn't feel like doing it,

so you just floated it to some unknown date

and then pretended you forgot?

If there was something, we certainly would have done that,

but honestly, there's not.

So, how do I know when I'm a man?

Well, that's a tough one.

I guess technically, you're a man when you turn 18.

And sometimes not even then.

No, Axl, no!

I told you if you're gonna be here,

you got to keep your crap in your room

away from the rest of our crap.

And when are you gonna find your own place, anyway?

I want you out of here.

Actually, I'm moving out today.

- Aw! - Yep.

Savor your last moments with me 'cause after today, I'm dust.

Hutch and I landed ourselves a sweet new pad,

which we're totally stoked about.

Why, there's my house now.

Brilliant, isn't it?

While you suckers are stuck here

throwing money away on this pit,

we are taking a mobile house party wherever we go.

Where did you even get this thing?

Where does anyone get anything awesome?

Police auction.

You can't even tell this was once a mobile crack den.

It started at $600 then got up to $800

before we realized we were the only ones bidding.

Which, by the way, is only two months' rent,

so who's laughing now?

The crackheads who get to live in prison instead of this thing.

Okay.

Anyway, once we get settled in on campus,

we'll have you guys over.

Or we'll come over here. Either way.

Yeah, we can have you over at our house at your house.

How are you not seeing how genius this is?

Axl, did you two ev...

Just let him go.

Wi-Fi locked.

Wi-Fi locked.

Oh! There we go!

- "Grandma's Wi-Fi"... - Oh.

...which means, if my calculations are correct,

the password will be "Password."

- - I'm in. Yes!

Drop anchor!

- - Yeah.

Phew!

Free Wi-Fi and a perfect view.

Hey, look, we're right by the psych building.

I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late to class tomorrow

instead of 20.

- Oh, hell, yes. -

Hey, do you want to order Chinese or something?

Share a first meal in our new home?

Oh, I'm on it. Oh, hang on a sec.

Let me just lean my head out the window

and find out what our address is.

Oh!

Oh.

So the shirtless model is now gonna be a priest?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, what church is that?

'Cause I will be there every Sunday.

Right?

Well, you seem to be handling it really well.

Yeah. You know what? I am.

I mean, sure, I liked having Logan as my imaginary boyfriend,

but I think he stopped me from really putting myself out there.

I mean, I'm in college.

I am supposed to be having fun

and meeting all different kinds of people.

And I haven't really been doing that.

I haven't really let people know that I'm available.

Totally.

In high school,

I dated the same guy all four years,

and I missed out on a ton of stuff.

His dad owned an island,

and every time my friends wanted to go out,

I was like, "I can't.

I have to go to the island."

Anyway, there's a party Saturday on the fourth floor.

Should be a lot of hot guys there.

Are you in?

Oh, I am so in.

Sue Heck is on the prowl!

Don't worry. I won't do that in public.

That was just for us.

Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.

Well, you stood outside my bathroom door for 20 minutes.

I couldn't wait you out any longer.

I'm trying to wrap my mind around this man thing.

Without a demarcation, how will I know when I'm there?

In Josh's culture, it's age 13.

In "Planet Nowhere," the Silligans reach manhood

at 1,006 when their ears fall off.

I'm finding this whole Protestant ambiguity

very unnerving.

Look, Brick, when you're a man, you'll know.

There's no exact date.

You just, you know... feel it.

So when did you know?

Well, I guess when I was 16 and my mom died.

Makes you grow up fast.

Is there another way?

'Cause I'd really rather not have to kill off Mom.

You know, Brick, there is something.

In some cultures, a boy becomes a man

when he learns how to take out the trash by himself

and replace the bag.

Oh, man! We got a ticket!

Oh, it's a cool.

Just a flier for Courthouse Pizza.

We've been sentenced to 8 to 10 delicious slices.

Oh, this day just keeps getting better and better!

Why is Kenny here?

Did you invite him to be our roommate again?

Yeah, I invited Kenny to live with us.

I thought, "Hey, you know what this tiny living space needs?

A giant third person."

Well, maybe he just came by to say hi.

What?

He talked that one time. It could happen again.

Hey, Kenny. How you doing?

Yeah, it's, uh, good to see you, man.

How long are you here to... visit?

- I don't get it. - Pbht.

We know he can talk now.

Yeah, now he's just being a jerk.

Well, he can't stay with us.

I know.

Guess you're just gonna have to go tell him.

Me? I'm not gonna tell him. You tell him.

I can't tell him.

I was his roommate for three years.

It's gonna break his heart.

Well, I can't do it. Kenny loves me.

Do you ever notice he only eats my cereal

and doesn't even touch yours?

Mm, fine. We'll both tell him.

We'll tell him it's nothing personal,

but with such a small space,

there's just no way we can make it work.

Look, Sue,

I know you're nervous, but don't be.

You've got this.

Now get in there and be unforgettable.

- - No.

Hi. Sue Heck. Nice to meet you.

Sue Heck. How's it going?

I was in an imaginary relationship

with a shirtless priest,

but now I am totally free and looking for action.

Oh. That sounded kind of slutty.

Now, if you're looking for that kind of girl,

you'd better look someplace else 'cause that is not me.

Let me...

So... you ever had a concussion?

So I decided it was a bromance.

- Uh, are you okay? - I'm fine.