Witchouse

Nice place.

Nice place for an Amityville Horror squeal anyway.

You know I can't believe I actually let you drag me out

to this house.

Yeah?

What else would you have done tonight?

Maybe I would have read a good book.

Who knows?

I actually would have rather gone to a bar.

Looks like we're the first to show up.

Well I don't like this too much.

I think you're being silly.

I mean look at this, this is going to be a blast.

Partying down at the old haunted house.

Yippee.

What were you talking about earlier today?

Something about Elizabeth?

Well I was in grade school with her.

I don't remember her too well back then,

except the fact that she was really spooky.

Well she sure ain't like that anymore.

I give you exhibit A.

Witch house.

I told you.

Nobody home.

Let's go in, huh?

And what if Elizabeth gets pissed off

because we walked into her house?

Maybe she'll turn us into frogs.

Funny, asshole.

How the hell should I know.

Let's just go in.

Wow.

She really went all out.

How do you know this isn't the way her place always looks?

Remember that promise?

That we'd go to the Hurricane if this turned out bad?

Honey we'll go in a sec, okay?

Elizabeth?

Lizzy?

It's Bob and Margaret, we're here for the party?

Maybe she's shy?

Maybe it's an early April Fools gag.

We show up and no party.

Ha ha.

Well we really look stupid.

Let's split.

Hold on, there's a light coming for here.

Let's check it out.

Bob?

Bob?

Yes mama.

You idiot.

You should have seen your face.

Well take a good look dick head,

because I'm about to claw your eyes out.

I wasn't trying to scare you, okay?

Ronnie, you got to check this basement out.

It's wild.

Okay, let's see the basement.

I really hope this is just more

of Elizabeth's party favors.

Because if it isn't,

she's got some serious problems to deal with.

Honey,

remember when I told you

I always wanted to do it in a graveyard?

And remember when I called you a sick freak when you did.

Well, we could do it here instead.

Bob.

What if Elizabeth or somebody else finds us?

Are you insane?

No.

Just very,

very horny.

Okay, you big goofball.

But you owe me if we do this.

I'll take you to the new Meg Ryan movie.

I know you like Meg Ryan.

Shit.

I knew somebody was going to find us.

Elizabeth?

Nice trick.

Oh my God.

Bob!

I'm excited.

I mean this is totally gonna be a cool party.

Oh, remember when Elizabeth had that fake eye ball

at the formal, and pretended her eye had fallen out?

God, she's awesome.

Isn't that the same year she hid the dead rat

in Billy Hershberger's locker,

and they had the police investigation over it?

Oh now, that's messed up.

Do you guys know where Bob and Margaret are?

Their car's here.

Maken out, I don't know.

What am I their baby sitter?

I just though that it was weird that

you know their car's outside and we haven't seen

them all night, that's all.

Brad.

You Brainiac, you think too much.

What?

You pick on him too much Scott, okay?

Okay boys, make nice.

Jack you can take off your Superman costume now.

Anyways, Brad's a quantum mechanics major.

He's going to be the next Stephen King.

That's Stephen Hawking, Marie.

One more of these and it'll be Bozo the Clown.

Meanwhile, Jackie here is going to be a TV repair man.

That's applied sciences, okay?

And don't call me Jackie.

I really and truly hate being called Jackie.

You know what your problem is?

Lack of sex.

What?

Honey, we have to get Jack a woman.

He might explode if don't.

Why you guys picking on me?

Pick on Brad or something.

She's right, man.

Any fine wine Jack, doesn't improve with age.

You got to use it or loose it.

Don't look at me.

I gave up dating for my work.

What does she know anyway?

I'll have you know I just aced my term paper.

No shit, what's it on?

Handedness through the ages.

Real mystical type stuff.

Handedness?

What's handedness?

Well it's not a football term.

It refers to the left hand and all the superstition

that surrounds it.

Many cultures believe that

the left hand is a symbol of evil.

And that left handed people are servants of the devil.

That kind of thing.

Sounds pretty messed up to me.

Hey I didn't make this up.

I mean my dissertation focuses on the fact that the

myth of handedness started

because left handed people are so rare.

Ancient cultures glommed onto anything out of the norm

and made it quote, unquote evil.

You know.

So,

I'm a bad guy, just because I'm a south paw?

Let's hope.

Hey and speaking of kooky magic stuff.

Oh, our lovely hostess.

Whoo.

Encore.

You go girl.

Whoa is this a costume party or what?

No I just threw this old thing on.

But I'm sure you'll discover that it sort of

fits the theme of my little party.

Theme?

Well first of all kids,

I have to thank you for coming out tonight.

As I explained to you all when I passed out the invites,

tonight is a very special night of the year for me.

And I really wanted to celebrate it with my friends.

So with out further delay,

let's rock.

Whoa, shit.

Look.

It's like a Dio live evil poster.

Far fucken out.

Wow a pentagram.

As in protects you from evil type pentagram, or what?

Well that depends, Janet.

Do you believe in evil spirits?

Well I believe in all kinds of kooky shit.

Speaking of that.

So do you mind if I party?

By all means.

Alright.

Tony?

No it's just, you know, for use of tobaco products.

You don't part with tobacco, you lying little stooge.

Doesn't look like I'm going to party at all tonight.

Since mom's here.

Fathers lock up your daughters,

'cause ole Scott Meredith's

got an alcohol related death wish tonight.

Honey I thought we weren't going to drink

any hard stuff tonight.

I mean, Jack's got Janet.

Tony and Brad.

So you're going to be the one who's able

to drive you and me out of here tonight.

Huh?

I can always take a cab.

Remember that, slugger.

Is there a problem?