Cougar Town

Imase! Hey! Irasshaimase!

What just happened? Remember the other night when we had sushi?

I just loved the way the chefs greeted us,

so I thought we'd start doing it here.

Hey! Irasshaimase! Hey! Irasshaimase!

I like it. I hate it more than anything ever.

Oh, cool. Then we'll just do it to you. Hmm.

Should I bring this shirt to college?

I mean, I've been working out a lot, so I'm not sure that

it's obvious anymore that it's

supposed to be ironic. It's still pretty obvious.

I'm gonna miss you the most. Mm.

I can't believe you're leaving in a week. Mm.

Andy, do I look old enough to have a kid in college?

Not unless you had him when you were 9.

Thank you.

And then they kiss.

Mwah!

That tickles.

Oh, my God.

You know what I loved most about college?

Oh, jelly bean.

Are you confusing college with that management training course

that you took at the waffle house?

Fine. I didn't "go to college,"

but I still used to like to hang out

and pretend I was a student

and go to all the awesome parties.

I even joined a sorority, but the politics drove me crazy.

So Kelly archer gave Suzy whitley's boyfriend

a... whoa-oh!

I'm not supposed to go on her parents' boat

for spring break? That, my friends, is horse crap.

So I packed... Laurie, sweetheart,

I think your point's over here somewhere.

Remember, there was something that you loved about college...

Okay, I'm lost inside my brain again. Oh, jelly bean.

Drinking games! I loved drinking games!

Wine up, everybody! Wine up!

Yay! Yeah!

Ohh!

Ohh! All right. Get it in!

Ohh! Uh-huh! Chug it, loser!

Ooh!

But don't drink in college. You're not of age yet.

It doesn't even look like fun.

Oh, it's... it's really hard to chug Pinot.

Man, I love fishing off the boat.

I mean, I still have to run over to the beach to cast,

plus you gotta wait for a break in traffic

to reel anything in...

And even then you gotta real it in quick. I like being your son.

Oh, hey, I got a new laptop for college.

Thought you might want the old one.

Hot damn, buddy! My first computer.

Yeah.

Hey, you know how much I'm gonna miss you, right?

Same here.

Whoo! Fish on, baby! I got a big one!

Whoa.

Nope. Just another bus.

Hey! Irasshaimase!

Why do you keep doing this when you know I hate it?

You just answered your own question.

Ellie, why is Tom mowing your lawn?

He feels bad for me. I-I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because he thinks that your son died.

Satan will now explain.

Do you guys remember yesterday when I was really upset

because Andy threw away my latte when it still had a sip left?

I'm still mad about that. Yeah. I feel bad, too.

Anyway, Tom came up right after and said, "who died?"

And I said, "Stan," but I was talking on my Bluetooth.

I wasn't talking to him, and before I could explain,

he started crying and talking about God's plan,

and then he started doing things for me,

and, well, you know, I went with it. You're okay with this?

I don't wanna mow the lawn.

It's, like, a thousand degrees out there.

Ellie, no-look. Whoo! Hells, yeah.

I forget you even have a kid.

I mean, you never talk about Dan. Stan.

Who cares? Is there anything worse than an intelligent woman

who squirts out a baby and then just talks

out every boring detail of its life?

Andy, tell him what you think about that.

T might be the most unsexy thing in the world.

Okay, I heard what you said about boring baby stories,

but I don't care. Check out this macaroni necklace

that Travis made me when he was 1. 1?

Fine. I made it. But I used his hands,

like he was just a little puppet. Hey, guys.

Hi, Tom.

You want me to get your lawn, too, Jules?

Oh, God. Thanks, Tom. It is a tough time.

I-I can't imagine.

You're all going to hell.

So are you. You ate his lasagna last night.

I ate deaby lasagna? And you loved it, so put on a sad face,

'cause tonight Tom is makin' Mexican.

Ooh, Mexican! Yeah! Ooh! So good.

Mnh. Unh.

I'm sorry.

I can't believe Travis is leaving home.

Oh, it feels like just yesterday...

okay, I shouldn't have to say this to a girl.

I'm right here.

I can't help it, honey. You are rocking major cleave today.

Travis used to eat out of these. Oh, boy.

You are really gonna lose it when he splits, aren't you?

No, 'cause I got a whole week to deal.

I've already started my coping process.

Getting nostalgic... day one.

Starting tomorrow,

I'm gonna spend every waking second with him.

Oh. I already have a list of stuff we're gonna do.

Oh. What's so fun about a motorcycle ride?

When I go too fast, he's gonna be afraid of dying,

and he's gonna hug me so tight.

Ugh. Poor Trav.

I know. He's screwed.

Hey. Do you want me to teach you how to use that bad boy?

Please. I've mostly been using it like a magazine...

you know, hitting flies with it,

using it to scratch my engine room.

You should start a blog

and share your cracker lingo with the world.

What the Fudge is a blog?

A blog is like a diary, but you want everyone to read it.

Like, if you get bad service at a restaurant, you blog it,

and then you get a free meal at that restaurant,

but then you wonder, did they just lure me back here

so they could spit in my food? So you blog that,

and then they take you to court. I wish

I could take everything in your head and put it in mine.

Are you sure you have room for all her blink-182 lyrics

and her fascinating ideas on homemade birth control?

Just f.Y.I. ... Plastic wrap is, like,

93 1/2% effective, so...

Oh, God. There's Barb. Please save me.

What? You are a coward!

Hi.

Well, I hear your son is heading off to college.

I actually just finished a very private meeting

with the dean and the Chancellor.

Let's go, dean.

You, too, Chancellor.

You know, when Travis was a baby

and someone like that came up and bugged me,

he would just cry on command and then they would leave.

All I had to do was give him just a little pinch.

He wasn't crying on command. You were hurting him.

You shut up. I'm a good mom! Ow!

You know what Stan does

that's even more amazing than your abuse story?

Andy, we decided. No baby stories.

No, we didn't decide. You decided.

When I decide, we decide.

Not in front of the guys. I'm gonna tell a Stan story.

I wouldn't.

Sometimes when Stan smiles, little bubbles come out.

How adorable is that?

So adorable.

I will decide your punishment later.

Oh, gosh!

Oh, it's like a motorcycle hug.

Come on. Tighter!

Vroom, vroom, vroom! So, mom...

Yep.

I think I'm gonna leave for college tomorrow.

Oh.

Oh. We're still hugging. Cool. Okay.

I know classes don't start for a week,

but I just... I want to get a head start,

you know, get acclimated.

By all means, you should go and get acclimated.

I mean, God knows, you don't want to start college off

if you're not acclimated.

You're awesome. Laters! Later!

You're never gonna leave me, are you, buddy?

Ow! You used to do that to your baby?

It was a little pinch. Ow!

Jules, you okay?

Honey... why don't you go to your crazy place?

I don't wanna. Come on. It'll make you feel better.

You know, Travis was born eight days late,

so he's already stolen one week from me.

Oh, that little bitch is trying to do it again.

Welcome to crazy town.

Here. I got her some coffee.

That's so nice, sweetie.

Oh, my God.

Is my punishment for telling a Stan story no eye contact?

It is.

But I love your eye contact. I crave it!

Well, that's why I took it away.

Hey! Irasshaimase!

Don't make me hate the Japanese. How ya doin'?

Crappy. I've just- I've gotta slap out of it.

Snap. It's "snap out of it," not "slap out of it."