Mirzapur

"Kaaleen bhaiya"

"King of Mirzapur"

So, motherfucker, I guess that makes me a...?

Prince.

Prince.

Here you go, Munna bhaiya.

Got it for free!

I just had to mention Kaaleen bhaiya's name.

Leeching off someone else's power...

...won't get you very far, Compounder.

Get in, take the beer.

Oh, man!

Look at them wagging their fucking asses, the bloody cunts.

Let's fix this.

Let's go, Compounder.

Hey there, take it easy. Take it easy, pal.

Who are you, man?

I'll tell you...

Fuck!

Come on, asshole. Dance.

Do you know the Hrithik Roshan step? Do it.

Go on. Like this.

Whoa! Look at that!

Next, next, next, which one next?

- Cobra dance! - Yes, cobra dance!

- Now, do the lightning! - Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Fly the kite!

Fixed them proper.

Greetings Kaaleen bhaiya.

Maqbool...

Yes?

Lala has kept his word.

The dark chocolate is top-notch, it'll give an effective high.

Increase our carpet production.

Yes sir.

And what about the guns?

Ready to ship.

He's here, Bhaiyaji is here.

Greetings, sir.

Could I get a minute with Kaaleen bhaiya?

He's our guy from Tulsi Chowk.

Sir, I'm one of your gun distributors.

This man bought a homespun gun from me. The gun -

Sir! I squeezed the trigger, and it blew up in my hand.

So what, you decided to land up on my doorstep, motherfucker?

No, sir! I didn't want to, but he insisted.

Didn't you test it before buying it?

How much did you pay for it?

Er... 1500.

What do you expect for 1500? A fucking AK-47?

Maqbool, give him another one.

Give him a loaded one.

Take it.

Well? Try it.

Go ahead.

Sir, I am right-handed.

You were. Now, you're left-handed.

You'll be eating and wiping your ass with that one hand the rest of your life.

Go on, try it.

You, come here.

Yes, sir?

Here. Take him to the hospital.

Maqbool, we have to do something about these guns.

It's bad for business.

Friends, who will let a new day dawn upon your lives?

Who will liberate Gajjumal College from Munna Tripathi's terrorism?

Who will usher in peace and prosperity?

I will! Yes, me... Deepu Singh!

Vote for me as your President!

Create a better future for your college and yourselves!

Your wrists are strong enough, Guddu bhaiya. Now study a bit too.

Oi, Mr Hulk.

Stand up! What is the next journal entry?

On your feet, boy!

This gorilla-like body that you're building, it complements your mind.

Both thick.

You've been flunking for the past 2 years.

Is this your personal 5-year plan?

Sit down. Thickhead.

What are you laughing about?

He just called me a dickhead.

I'm going to pound his face into the ground.

Not dickhead, he's calling you a thickhead.

It's 'Th', not 'D'.

Thickhead as in... stupid. Slow-witted.

Oh, then it's alright.

If I had any sense, I wouldn't have rolled down into your class.

Yeah, that's why I keep saying, study a little.

Studying won't do fuckall for me, Bablu.

The reservation quota kids will take away all the seats, anyway.

You know my plan, bro. I'm going to win the Mr Purvanchal title this year.

Fifty-one grand prize money.

Kaaleen bhaiya is the sponsor.

He's gonna hand me the trophy himself.

Right.

Just wait and watch.

Morning, morning!

If you want to remove tyranny from this college, then give me your vote.

Deepu Singh! Remember the name!

Vote for Deepu Singh.

Hey! Deepu bro!

Hey! Well, go after him. Get the bastard.

Oi! Stop!

Get him. Get him!

Making us run in the morning.

Motherfucker.

Giving us the damn college tour.

Hey, labcoat! Where did he go?

Are you gonna tell us or should I teach you some chemistry?

Get the fucker!

Hit me with the bottle, will you?

Stop running!

Shat your pants, Mr Politician?

Shit!

Go on. Right inside.

Bitch is making us work off that big breakfast.

Good morning, sir.

Well, asshole?

Why are y'all turning around?

Is there a movie playing back there?

Solve the problem.

Bablu, did you see that?

The way Munna bhaiya made the fucker run.

Drop it. Drop it.

How many times have I told you?

You nerdy bookworms need to stay out of politics.

Study hard, get a government job.

Run the nation.

But no, you've got bloody ants crawling up your ass crack.

Fuckface.

But, no! You want to contest elections, canvass support!

Oi, fucker.

Come on, get up.

Do you know who I am? Munna Tripathi.

King of Gajjumal College.

So fucker, when I stand for elections, the result is a given.

Right?

It's not hard to understand.

Hmm... Scissor him up.

No, bhaiya!

Should I take the penalty?

Yes, bhaiyaji.

What a goal!

Thus, both of Khanna's FDs had to be cracked open.

You! Evening tea and snacks in the canteen.

Put it on my tab.

Munna bhaiya! Make it eggs. Fifty.

He wants to be the Great Khali.

You can have the tea then, sir.

Let's go.

Why'd you trip up Deepu Singh?

Didn't you see how impressed Munna bhaiya was?

What are you doing?

You wear such tight leggings! Your gait is hypnotizing.

No wonder guys end up taking the town tour when they're trailing after you.

Have a little shame, Sweety.

Oh, around you as well?

But, seriously, when a guy has his eyes on you, doesn't that make you strut?

Oh, is that so?

Then how come you haven't taken my brother out on a date yet?

Why should I take him out? Am I the man or is he?

Every date in the calendar will run out...

...but your brother will never have the guts to ask me out.

He shits bricks when I'm around.

Watch.

You've built a great body.

Now, if anyone were to harass me, you'd come to my rescue, right?

Sure, 'coz he's got nothing better to do.

"Saving" the likes of you.

Why don't you hire a bodyguard?

Will you be my bodyguard?

Show me. Show me them boulders.

Oh, come on! Blow 'em up, like a balloon.

Huh! Don't ever touch me...

...without my permission.

If I tell my father, you'll be beaten black and blue.

You know he's a policeman, right?

It'll be the third degree for you.

Your ass will be so sore, you won't be able to sit for a week.

Oww... let me go.

Just wait till we get home.

If you like Guddu bhaiya, tell him.

If not, move on. Don't mess around.

If a girl is beautiful, she can do what she wants.

I am beautiful, aren't I?

Bye.

Bye.

Got a match, Mr Pandit?

I don't smoke.

Just wanted to clean my ear. I don't smoke either.

When's the hearing?

In ten minutes.

This case, it's Mr Yadav's man.

I need you to take it easy in court

and ensure a 'not guilty' verdict.

Not guilty.

Get up, bastard.

Motherfucker, this is a courthouse.

You've made a mockery of it. Cocksucker!

Whoreshit! Get out!