South Park

# I'm goin' down to South Park #

# Gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# I'm goin' down to South Park #

# Gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor #

# Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine #

Say that again, Edge! You think you're better than me?

- Cena, your mouth has gotten you into trouble

for the last time!

I'm gonna shut it up for you!

All: Ohh!

Mess him up, Edge!

Kick his ass! Whoo!

Oh, yeah?

I've got somethin' else to tell you, Edge!

I slept with Vanessa last night!

All: Ooh!

- Cena slept with Edge's girlfriend?

- Oh, my god, dude. This is so awesome!

I'm having the best time!

- You cheated and took my belt from me!

And now I can't hardly get work wrestling!

You took my girl, and you took my job!

He took his job!

He took his girl!

Took it-der!

Ohh!

Oh, sweet!

Ooh.

Oh!

- Yes! Yes! - Dude, awesome!

This is so awesome!

Dude, that was so bad-ass!

Wrestling is awesome!

This is it, you guys!

We know what our calling in life is now!

Tomorrow we are signing up for wrestling class!

- Yeah! - All right!

This is awesome, you guys!

The fuck is this?

- Why did they have us put on long underwear?

Well, I guess in wrestling,

We're supposed to make our own outfit

and then wear it over this.

- Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.

- All right, so did everyone settle on their wrestling names?

- I did! I'm the Rad Russian!

I come from Russia to crush your puny capitalist head!

All right, boys!

I'm really glad to see we have some new recruits

interested in the fine sport of "wrassling"!

- Cool! - Let's do this!

- Now, the first thing we're gonna learn today

are the fundamental wrassling holds.

Let's get some volunteers.

Why don't you come over here, young man?

What's your name? - The Rad Russian.

What?

- You capitalist swine, I'll crush you!

- Okay, uh, just go ahead and get on your hands and knees.

Huh?

- Just down-- down on the floor.

Hands and knees.

Okay.

- All right. And now how about you?

Your name is? - Triceratops!

- Uh, all right. Come on over here.

I'm gonna position you in the official

wrassling starting position.

Here we go...

The fuck is this?

- Now just reach around him here.

Good.

- Dude--dude--dude! The fuck are you doing?

Get back on the floor.

I'm teaching you the starting position of wrassling!

- That's not wrestling, dude. That's fucking gay!

- Yeah. what are you, a child molester?

- Where's all the cool costumes and jumping off ropes and stuff?

Oh, not this again.

Let me guess,

You just went to that stupid WWE show in Denver last night!

All: Yeah!

- Ugh! The WWE is not wrassling!

That's a bunch of fake bull crap!

How stupid are you?

Real wrassling, boys, is this.

- Well, this is fucking lame, dude.

Let's get the hell out of here, guys.

- Yeah, this guy probably wants to take pictures of us naked.

- I got half a mind to report-- report you to the police, sir!

Argh!

- The Wrestling Takedown Federation

has several matches planned today.

All right, so here's how we'll do this, guys.

I'll come out to the ring first, and then, Jimmy, you come in

and tell me you're gonna kick my ass.

Then I'm gonna say you slept with my girlfriend,

and I'll charge you and do a head-slap.

Sounds good.

- Then, Butters, you come in as the ref all like,

"No, no, the fight hasn't started yet."

And that's when Jimmy sneaks up from behind

and hits me over the head with the foldaway chair.

Okeydoke!

- So is that when I t-tell you that your girlfriend is a whore?

- No. Let's save the girlfriend-is-a-whore line

until after Stan head-butts Butters

for trying to stop the fight again.

Boy, wrestling sure is fun!

- All right, we ready to try this, guys?

Yep.

- All right, let's start wrestling.

I am gonna k-kick your ass!

- You slept with my girlfriend, Hammerclaw!

Hey! No!

No, the fight hasn't started yet.

No! Bad!

- Hey, he slept with my girlfriend, referee!

In my country, we don't wait for a bell, mister--ugh!

Ugh! Ugh!

Your girlfriend is a whore--

- Wait for it, wait for the whore line.

- Oh, right. Sorry.

- You're gonna get it now, Hammerclaw!

- We'll see about that! - Now, hold on!

I am stopping the fight!

Ugh!

What's going on?

Apparently that crippled kid

slept with that Russian kid's girlfriend!

- Jeez. They're so young!

I'll kill you, Triceratops!

You made fun of my crippled mother!

- That's because your mother betrayed my mother, Juggernaut!

- You don't come to this country and make fun of it!

- and just what do you care about your pitiful country?

I served my country!

I fought for two years in Vietnam!

That kid was in 'nam? Man, that's incredible.

- Good for you for servin' your country!

Guys, check this out!

There's this little kid from the Congo

who was raised by panthers!

Are you serious?

Just admit it, Congo!

Admit that you lied about me to Irene!

- I admit nothing! Maybe Irene lied to you!

- That kid in the hat is having sex with two different girls?

- Nah, that little kid from the Congo lied about one of them

to try and get the kid in the hat

in trouble with his wife.

They're married?

- You will have to forfeit the fight, Rad Russian!

You cannot fight until your test results come b-back!

- I might have to wait for my hepatitis test,

but in the meantime, I have brought my comrade from Mexico

to wrestle against you!

- That Russian kid's got hepatitis?

And here he comes now!

The cold-blooded wrestler from Mexico, El Pollo Loco!

- What are you doing here, El Pollo Loco?

- Your girlfriend doesn't even like you, Stan the Man!

She likes me!

- You have no idea what you're saying, Juggernaut!

Irene loves me, and I'm gonna marry her!

If she wants to be with you,

how about you have her tell all these people here?

- Uh-oh! Here she comes now!

It's bad Irene!

- Let me tell you somethin', Let me tell you somethin'.

It's true, I love Stan the Man with all my heart.

But I want to be with Juggernaut now.

What?

- No! - No way!

- Nah, what ya doin'? Stan the Man loves you!

Don't break his heart!

- If you love Juggernaut, Irene,

then tell him what you did two years ago,

how you killed his child!

It's true.

I was pregnant with your child, and I aborted it.

- No! - Boo!

- Irene, no! Why?

Do you know what it's like

to have an abortion at seven years old?

Do you?

I've had so many abortions. I just got addicted to them.

- Whoa, did you hear that? - Shh!

- Irene, you said you loved me!

I'm not in love with you.

I'm in love with abortions, don't you understand?

Aah!

Ohh!

Ahh!

- I'm telling you, guys, you got to see this.

These kids ain't more than eight or nine years old,