Brickleberry

How you like your road eggs?

Same way I like my road head: runny and in my mouth.

Uh, how about I just scramble these?

What?

Who the hell set the thermostat to 38 degrees?

Woody did.

Woody, that is such a waste of energy.

Don't you care about our planet at all?

Oh, shut up, Ethel.

Our planet is fine.

It was here 2,015 years before me,

and it'll be here 2,015 years after me.

Wow. Don't you know anything about the history of the Earth?

I know plenty. Here's a free history lesson.

Listen and learn.

And that's pretty much it. Cue the theme song.

Connie, I know that global warming

is to blame for this heat wave.

It's so hot, my camel toe's losing its humps.

I got this CO2 meter to prove my theory.

The levels in the park have never been higher.

I wonder what's causing the spike.

Probably that.

Woody, this Freon's kind of making me light-headed.

Says it kills brain cells.

No, you're in the clear, Steve.

Woody, what's this?

"Low-efficiency AC unit"?

It's hot, dummy.

My ball sack's sticking to the inside of my thighs.

When I spread my legs, it looks like the Batman symbol.

Okay, ew!

Woody, your environmental irresponsibility

is part of the reason it's so hot.

It's global warming.

Global warming?

You believe in that fairy-tale bullshit?

You also believe in Santa Claus

and the myth of the female orgasm?

It's real. We have proof.

Yeah, I've got all these

Indonesian squirting videos that show--

Not that, Connie.

Global warming.

Even the polar ice caps are melting.

Oh, no!

Ice is melting 5 million miles away.

Let me flash my sweaty sack to the sky and call Batman.

Look at this.

If the CO2 levels go into the red,

it could set off an environmental disaster

worse than we've ever seen.

I guess you've never been downwind of Connie

after a Del Taco run.

Environmental disaster my ass.

Cows fart out more greenhouse gases

than we produce.

It's natural.

Carbon dioxide is as safe as that barrel of Freon.

Woody, for once, try not to be

such an ignorant, stubborn dickbag.

We've all got to shrink our carbon footprints.

I got a better idea.

I'm going to expand my carbon footprint.

In fact, this ignorant, stubborn dickbag is gonna have

the biggest goddamn carbon footprint in history

just to prove you wrong.

I better get inside.

I don't feel so goo--

Dibs on the back tits.

Hey! Why'd you throw away my phone?

Because it's up to us to counterbalance the damage

that Woody is doing to this planet.

We've got to go green and cut our carbon footprints to zero.

Can I at least keep my vibrator?

It's green.

I'm pretty sure it was white when you bought it.

I feel like we've made some good progress here.

I can feel Mother Earth healing.

Hey, Ethel, how do you like

my "global warming's bullshit" parade?

Yay! A parade!

Shut up, Connie.

This whole thing is a " you" to me.

What makes you feel that way?

That sign does.

Every float expands my carbon footprint,

including the Woody Johnson musical farting cows.

Now, how can that not put a smile on your face?

- I hate cows. - What? How could you hate cows?

There's something off about them.

They're always watching us with those dead eyes.

It's like they're planning something.

You scared of cows!

I'm not scared of cows.

Well, let's go say hello.

No, no, no!

Hey, everybody,

Malloy's scared of cows!

Okay, maybe a little.

But it's because of my animal instinct.

I have heightened senses.

Trust me, I don't want this gift.

Connie, it's going to be a heavy flow day.

Thanks, Malloy.

Well, I think cows are cool,

especially ones that can fart Mozart.

[farting Symphony Number 40 in G Minor]

Oh, Ethel, you should see the look

on your stupid fa-- Ahh!

Cold!

Ahh!

From now on, no more hot water, Connie!

What is that light?

A smoke detector.

Whoa. Are you off your meds?

I mean, yeah, you, smoke detector.

We've gotta go somewhere that's 100% green.

Why should we accept you two outsiders into our community?

Because living here free of technology

is the only way we can stop contributing to global warming.

I'm sorry, but our community doesn't need

any more nagging harpies.

Now please leave.

Okay.

Here's the key to your house,

and your ox can stay in the barn.

What? 3 grand?

Why the hell is my power bill so high?

It's beautiful, Woody.

Yeah, but trying to make carbon footprint history

is making me go broke.

Steve, climb to the top of that transformer

and steal me some electricity.

I guess I gotta cut through this wire.

Steve, you idiot, you're gonna get electrocuted!

Be safe.

Use the wet, non-grounded metal hedge clippers.

Good thinking.

Oh, no!

Are you okay...

Hedge clippers?

God damn it, Steve, you melted them.

These were my favorite hedge clippers,

you dumb son of a-- ow!

Woody, move!

The transformer's going to fall and crush you.

I saw it happen.

What the hell are you talking about, Steve?

- Move! -

Holy crap, Steve. You can see the future.

Love them farting cows.

Now, play us out, ladies.

And then, Steve saw into the future.

He is awesome.

Aw, seeing into the future is impossible.

So is Steve being awesome.

Hey, lay off my new favorite ranger.

Show 'em, Steve. Do it again.

I'm glad you're impressed, Woody,

but I don't know how I did it.

I just got a shock and then--

Denzel, you're about to get punched.

See, this is bullshit.

Nobody's about to pu-- Hey!

That's for ruining 60 years of marriage.

See? I told you.

Steve, I am gonna put your power to good use.

- It is amazing. - Not really.

Denzel gets punched by old men ten times a day.

Ha ha, I guess I do-- ow!

You son of a bitch.

How am I supposed to follow that black anaconda?

It's like I'm a basketball hoop.

What time is it?

4:30 a.m.

This was your first night, so we let you sleep in.

Morning, Ethel.

Whoa.

You took away my electric razor, remember?

That's the saddest beard I've seen since Kelly Preston.