Vice Principals

Hey, babe, check this out.

- Mm. Whoa. - Uh-huh.

I told you it would show.

It's like a dog bite.

Guess I'll be wearing a lot of scarves this week.

Yeah, I got a little crazy.

- Yes, you did. - So here's something.

Um...

What do you think about pressing pause for a while?

On what?

This whole thing.

Last six weeks, you had planning seventh period,

so it was easy for us to sneak around

it was fun, but now you've got a class seventh,

we don't get to hang till after work,

and then it all has to be arranged.

I liked it better when it was more...

spontaneous.

Wha...

No.

We're done because I have to work seventh period,

- and you don't? - I mean...

kind of.

Surely it has to be something more than seventh period.

I'm not complicated, kid. That's it.

Okay, yeah.

Sure.

Whatever. That's, yeah, awesome.

- So, you're okay? You're not hurt? - Hurt?

Not me. Mm-mm.

- You are such a cool kid. - Yeah.

- Uh, we should get to school though. - Mm-hmm.

Um, do you want to peace out first

and then I'll head out in like five?

- You got it. - Great.

- Okay. - All right. Feel free to finish your cereal and stuff.

- Okay. - There's juice in the fridge.

I'm good. Thank you.

Well, I have some very, very bad news, Dr. Brown.

We lost track of over 600 brand-new textbooks.

Paid for and then vanished.

Now, how does one lose 600 textbooks?

Are we sure they were delivered?

Oh yeah. Got the slip right here.

Signed for by Ms. LeBlanc.

Ms. LeBlanc?

- The head of the English department? - Mm.

I call her Ms. LeBitch. I do not like her.

And is there anybody

- at the school you do like, Mr. Gamby? - Well actually for once,

Gamby's right. Veteran school teacher,

zero respect for administrators.

Thinks she runs the damn school.

Sound like someone need a smack-down.

So what's the problem?

Welles was scared of her.

Let her do whatever she wanted.

- His fear created a monster. - Well, now, it's not all Welles' fault.

I mean, she was pretty much a bitch when she got here.

She's got deep union ties,

- Mm-hmm. - well liked by the students and faculty.

He just didn't like tussling with her. He knew it was a losing battle.

Some books she signed for went missing like this two years ago.

- Yeah. - Welles just swept it under the rug.

My theory,

she's ordering more than she needs

and selling them to a third party.

Probably figuring no one's checking

'cause it's all backed by tax dollars anyway.

Everybody thinks it's free when Uncle Sugar is footing the bill.

Stealing books from children?

- Books! - Books!

The foundation of learning!

Now, that's some low shit.

- Low shit. - That's some...

dirty, dirty shit for sure.

Anyway, if you decide to move on this, do it delicately.

LeBlanc is a force to be reckoned with.

- Mm-hmm. - So am I, Mr. Russell.

So am I.

Keep it to one side, please,

or go to class.

Hey!

A History teacher in the English hallway.

- Somebody lost? - You wish, kid.

No, I'm trying to find my TA.

- I think she's lost. - You have a TA?

Billy!

Oh, I was surrounded by freshmen.

- Thank God. Save me. - Ugh. Ugh.

Uh, Carrie, this is

Amanda Snodgrass. She teaches English here.

- Howdy. Hey. - Hey!

I'm, um, just finishing up my degree.

Just gotta knock out this TA thing.

Luckily, they put me with, uh...

Bill-Bill!

Ha! Bill-Bill!

Awesome.

Yeah.

Anyway, we gotta run, kid.

- I'll see you later. - Yeah. Me too.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

Bye.

Smell you later.

It's wildly inappropriate, but I love that butt thing.

- I know! - I think that's gonna be our thing.

It's, like, our thing now that we have together.

Um, Ms. Snodgrass wondered if you had a moment.

What are you doing, Swift?

You announce that someone's here,

you see if I'm ready to see them,

then you bring them in. You don't do it all at once.

Sorry.

"I'm sorry."

Are you sorry though? 'Cause you keep doing it.

You are dismissed.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

- This a bad time? - No, it's fine.

Trying to break her in.

Treat her like shit, so she'll be better.

Okay.

- Just looking at some pictures of my daughter. - Oh, yeah?

- Can I see? - Yeah, if you want to.

Some snaps I took of her.

- Oh, look at her! - Yeah, I bought that horse.

She looks just like ya.

Actually she doesn't.

She carries around a lot of weight for a girl her age.

- It's from her mom's side. - Oh, she'll grow out of that.

I had a lot of chub on me when I was her age.

I find that hard to believe.

I bet you were every bit as attractive at 13 as you are now.

Nope. No, no.

I was quite a mess.

Well, Janelle is going through

her own little messy stage right now too.

She's gotten into motocross.

- Motocross? - Yeah.

With motorcycles and dirt bikes,

- jumping over ramps and hills. - Yeah.

I know. I love motocross.

My older brother used to ride.

Me, him, and my dad would go down to the track all the time.

It was awesome.

Oh, well, maybe it's changed since you used to be involved

with it 'cause now it's not awesome.

I mean, she was into horseback riding,

- which is, like, a classic hobby, you know? - Mm-hmm.

Dignified, less rednecky.

I just got a lot of mixed emotions when it comes to motocross.

Um, well, if she's into it,

then maybe you should give it a shot.

- Get involved. - Huh.

Wow.

- You may have something there. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, if she's into motocross,

and motocross is Ray's thing,

then I should just make it my thing.

- That's good. - Who's Ray?

He's a man with limited abilities.

I'm gonna master his talents and render him useless.

Thank you for that. I appreciate it.

- Yeah, you're welcome. - Wow.

Is there, uh, something you wanted my help with?

Oh, yes! Um...

uh, the last six weeks,

I had planning seventh period,

and then this six weeks, it got shifted to second period,

which is just...

So, I was just wondering, can I get it back to seventh?

- Cinchy. - Yeah?

Yeah, you came to the right place.

- That's awesome! - Yeah.

- You want seventh period planning? You got it. Great. - Yes.

- I'll put you on the list. You'll have it next term. - Um, next term?

- After Christmas? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm gonna need it now actually.

Oh, well, Ms. Snodgrass, I appreciate your help with motocross,

but school policy states a teacher can't shift

their schedule during a grading cycle.

Has to happen in between cycles.

There's no wiggle room in there?

No wiggly room.

Anything else?

No, no. Thanks.

- Are you sure you're okay? - Oh, yeah.

- You look like you're about to throw up. - Mm-mm.

I'm still trying to picture you fat, and I just can't picture it.

- Oh. - You know?

- Go ahead and leave the door open. - Okay.

Yeah. I'm just kidding.

I just wanted to see your body again.

Go on. It's fine. It's over.

Okay.

Turn around, Swift.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on back.

Come on.