Boy Interrupted

No, I can't shoot this.

This is private. This is private.

This is not important to show. Okay.

Clear the way.

Here we go.

Good morning, world.

Good morning, Evan.

Mikey. Get a shot of Mike.

Good morning, Mike.

Good morning, D.

Good morning.

Good morning, Michael.

So, Evan, where do you want me to stand for the shot?

Uh...

Where do you want me to stand?

Right here? A little back.

Take another step back? Yeah.

Big step back. Oh, no.

Oh, I'm so mad now.

Oh.

We'll see you later.

Whoo...

Look at the sky.

Okay, I'll interview you, Mom.

Okay, hi.

How do you like the trip?

I love this trip,

but I don't love it more than you.

Are you sure? Yeah.

Paradise. I like paradise.

There's Daddy.

Dad, Yeah.

what do you think about the trip?

Well, you know,

I'm really glad you asked me that question, Evan.

Since I like this trip so much,

you know what it makes me do?

What?

It makes me want to jump right over you.

Whoa...

Very impressive. Yes.

So now we're going to get the house.

There's Michael's room.

And we're getting closer to Michael,

the sleeping baby.

How do you like the trip, Michael?

So now you have to meet

the cameraman.

Am I good or am I bad?

We'll have that in...

5.5 seconds.

I was at my, uh--

In my room in my boarding school when my, uh--

My dad called me

and told that Evan had jumped out of the--

Out of his window.

It was sort of the third week of school,

I think, that he--

He chose to take his life.

I went into my mother's room

and...

I realized the sentence that had to come out of my mouth.

I had to communicate to them

why I was coming in there

and why I was reaching out for them and...

You know, I had to say,

"Evan's killed himself."

One of the things that you do, I think--

Or at least that I do unconsciously,

to avoid things that are really too painful to...

confront.

-is just black them out.

How-- How can you understand doing that?

It doesn't seem possible.

What on Earth has happened to make your son so miserable

that he doesn't want to be there anymore.

We'll never know what was in Evan's head

the night he killed himself.

The mystery will always be

what his thought was when he was on the ledge.

You know, as he put one foot over the--

The window,

and made that decision.

Maybe he started to realize that

his mental illness was so powerful

and that he couldn't win.

"He that raised up Jesus from the dead

"will also give life to our mortal bodies,

"in the sure and certain hope

"of the resurrection to eternal life

"through our Lord Jesus Christ,

"we commend to almighty God our brother Evan,

"and we commit his body to the ground.

"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

dust to dust."

Amen.

Amen.

How's it possible

that I found myself at his funeral

holding my baby for the last time?

The day Evan was born

was the happiest day of my life.

It's indescribable.

It-it was indescribable happiness

to finally see him, because when you're pregnant

you start to have a relationship with the baby

and it's, like, moving around and...

You know, who are you? Knock-knock.

Who's there?

And then he comes out and, uh,

Evan was particularly pretty.

I just fell in love with him right away.

Well, I actually filmed Evan getting born

and I was very excited.

As I recall, I gave the camera to the doctor

and he did a shot also.

I was 26 when Evan was born.

Hart was 42, he already had a son

from a previous relationship.

But Evan was my first.

Hart and I are filmmakers

and at that time Hart was shooting away a lot

and he was gone a lot of the time.

So Evan and I ended up being alone together.

He was young, I was young.

We were like these two little creatures,

trying to help each other out a little bit.

Yes.

Yes.

What's this?

Okay, we--

We're gonna have an interview with the mom.

So, Mom...

what do you think about your kid?

Kid?

Oh, yeah, this thing.

Well, think that-- I think that it's really

just the most special thing,

to give him big kisses.

Really, I think that's the best part

of it all.

I remember the first time I met Evan.

Dana had come home from the hospital.

I think I had actually been away with my mother

while he was born and my dad came

and picked me up at my apartment.

I was living on Mercer Street with my mom.

And he said,

"We're going to meet your little brother."

There's this photograph of me, um,

taken during my first encounter with Evan

and my expression sort of sums it all up.

It's, "what the fuck is this?"

Sort of holding this baby in my arms thinking,

you know, "where did he come from?"

So-- So what--? Who's your brother?

Nicky.

Do you like your brother Nicky?

So how old are you, Evan?

Um... I old--

I older.

You're older? How old?

Um, really old.

Look at Daddy. Look at Daddy's camera when you say that.

I'm really old.

You're really old? How old?

Like, big old.

Are you big? Yeah.

How big are you?

T--

Real big?

Big as a dinosaur?

I remember his first

word that he used over and over and over again,

was, "no."

And we used to joke it was "no"

because he heard the word "no" so much

because as soon as he was walking around

he would get into everything.

Aw...

Oh, how cute.

Evan, no, no. No.

Be gentle.

Oh, come on. "Please let me punch him in the nose."

I think I understood from an early time

that he was a challenging kid.

Russell, Russell.

Getting dressed in the morning I knew was a challenge

if he didn't have the right outfit,

you know, you weren't gonna be leaving the house

for a very long time.

One summer we were in Nantucket

and we were trying to leave the beach at the end of the day

and I think it took us 45 minutes