Horror Island

That's my job, trying the doors.

So it is, my friend, so it is.

And what brings a sailor out on a night like this?

A buried treasure, my friend, a buried treasure.

I think you've had a nip too much.

You better run along now and let the night air sober you up.

Drunk I am not, but that's an idea.

Do you know where Mr. bill Martin might be?

Well, you might try pier five, he's usually down there

with his pal and their boat, the skiddoo.

I have some news for him, rare and interesting news.

I've got it, if I could only figure out some way

so that they didn't have to sew him up.

= huh?

= it's worth a million dollars.

Condensed stuffing for Christmas turkeys.

Well, they can beer, don't they?

Yeah, they can beer.

Oh, why don't we give this whole business up

and get ourselves jobs like other people?

Oh, now stuff, you don't wanna spoil

a beautiful record, do you?

Two thirds of my class have been out of work

since I left Princeton.

Do you mind if I get a job?

I didn't go to college.

Oh, stuff, you're not losing confidence

in the old bill Martin system, are ya?

How can it miss? How can it miss?

Remember all of your other ideas?

They couldn't miss, either.

Sometimes you have to have Patience, you have to wait!

= wait?

Yeah, while we're waiting around, will you tell me

how eight bucks is gonna take care of these?

Here, back rent on the store.

Three months' payments on this boat.

There's only one thing to do.

File them with the rest of our bills.

Help, help!

= that must be one of our creditors.

Help!

Stuff, grab a wrench.

I don't know, this thing ain't loaded.

Pull me up, pull me up!

= there he is!

Catch hold!

That a boy.

There you go.

Take it easy.

My leg, my leg, my leg, my leg!

- Take it easy. - Look, his leg's gone.

- I'll fix a tourniquet. - Yeah, sure.

There she blows, toward the rim.

Look, it's a wooden leg.

Haul her in, smack her now.

Step lively before she scottles herself.

Hey, go quick before she drifts off to sea.

He'll get it.

=tl'm a hero.

There's your leg.

I would rather lose my good one than that one, eh?

Solid mahogany.

I carve it myself out of an old piano.

Very musical.

Every time someone play the spring song,

it gets a twitch of sciatica or rheumatism.

He got it all right. Who got what?

The phantom. = huh?

Hey, you are not in cahoots with this phantom, huh?

Oh, we've been cahoots with a lot of people,

but never any phantom, who is he?

The phantom, all phantom look alike to me.

So, a phantom hits you over the head,

took all your money and threw your leg into the harbor, huh?

Yeah, he didn't get my money, only got half the map.

T was too smart for him.

They must read a lot of fiction on ship board.

The half he got was in here,

but I'm telling where the other half is.

Not till I see that fellow, what's his name, bill Martin.

= bill Martin?

Well, he's got a shop right, oh, well, that's him!

You?

You are bill Martin?

The laddie what own the Morgan island, huh?

Yeah.

Then I'll have big business deal to chew over with you.

That is if you want to cut in on half of the 20 million?

- 20 million? - Do you mean in cash?

In gold and jewels!

20 million, I am telling you.

Hey, we better get him outta here, he's outta his head!

Spanish gold with pieces of eight,

and royal jewels, I'm telling you.

And there we was, fishing off of the Bahamas.

We was wrestling on our oars when up pops the cask,

right under our bows.

Well, there was nothing for me to do, so I pull him in.

Must have been drifting for 200 years.

200 years, I am telling you.

It was all covered with barnacles.

I rip him open and what do you think I find, eh?

Oh, now don't tell me a mermaid?

No, no, no mermaid, not this time.

Give me my leg.

You'll be surprised.

This map, the half that the phantom did not get.

Now tell me, laddie, do we be partners, huh?

Well, wait a minute, let's take a look at it.

- Now, where did he go? - You got me.

What you do, let him get away?

I'm sorry, skipper, I did my best.

If I would've had two good legs, I would catch him myself.

= yeah.

= uh-oh.

Are you looking for somebody?

Why, ves.

I'm looking for William Martin.

You mean bill Martin?

- Yes. - Well, he's...

= he's out of town for a few weeks.

Can I give him a message for you?

No, no, this is something personal.

Thanks just the same. Oh, it's all right.

You, you are not bill Martin?

Yeah, what's the idea?

Hey listen, stuff, how many times do I have to tell you?

When anybody looks for me, I'm not here.

That guy's a bill collector, if I ever saw one.

After we get the 20 million,

you won't have no bills bothering you no more,

but you should not have let the phantom get away from you.

We might need the other half of that map.

Listen, next time, you chase your own phantoms.

Come on.

$20 million, maps, gold, deserted islands, castles...

Hey, look!

He's come back! = the phantom.

Well, he won't get away this time!

I am coming, laddie!

Hold it there a second, bill!

I got him.

Get a hold of him, bill.

Hold him, laddie.

Hey, this isn't any phantom! = you know this one?

Sure, it's my cousin, George!

George, wake up, wake up!

I'll wake him up.

Thanks for waking him up.

Well, I just...

Do you always give you relatives this kind of a welcome?

George, if I'd known you were coming,

I couldn't have done any better.

Yeah, well I'm not exactly glad to see you, either.

This isn't a social call. = no?

Then what do you want? I wanna get dry.

Cousin or no cousin, he was after Morgan's map.

Who, him?

Naw, he doesn't collect maps, he collects etchings.

I hear you haven't been doing so well lately, bill.

= no.

Uh-huh, well, thought I might help you out.

You?

Yeah, tell me, have you been...

Excuse me.

Have you sold the old Morgan island yet?

No, that's about the only thing

in grandfather's will that I couldn't hawk.

Well, I thought I might take if off your hands.

That doesn't sound like you, George, come again.

Well, the truth of the matter is,

I've been thinking about fixing up the old castle.

You know, hideaway for weekends?

Well, you know, I've sorta got attached to the old place.

I'll give you $20,000 for it.

- 20 thou... - 20...

Well, that does sound reasonable enough, George.

Coming from anybody else, I might consider it.

What's the difference who it comes from??

Tell him you'll take it.

Don't do it, laddie, he's after Morgan's gold.

Well, how about it?

Sorry, George, but I can't handle it.

I'll be back in a few days

to see if you've changed your mind.

You're wasting your time. =- we'll see.

You just kicked $20,000 right in the teeth, are you nuts?

You are a man among men, laddie, when do we start?

- Start, start where? - For the treasure, remember?

You know, I would not be surprised if he was

the phantom trying to get there ahead of us.

Maybe you're right, skipper.

I can't understand this sudden interest of cousin George.

20,000 crackers.

Let's get started, the sooner the quicker.

Well, wait a minute, you haven't proved anything yet.

Prove?

Here's this map.

What more do you want, huh?