Why Did You Pick On Me? (Chissà perché... capitano tutte a me)

AIR FORCE BASE FORT BLISS, TEXAS

Follow me, General.

This is the operations command center.

The Galaxia group is waiting for you.

Dr. Barnes.

General Robinson is here. He wants to see the terminal.

This is the person we're trying to locate. His name is H-7-25.

He has extraordinary powers.

- He looks like an ordinary boy. - Like many others.

How old could he be? - If he came from Earth, I'd say ten or eleven.

But he's from another planet.

From the constellation Pegasus, to be exact.

You know there are millions of boys like him in the U.S....

How can we find him? - That will be very difficult.

I was told that a sheriff, for reasons unknown...

...helped hide him when he arrived. That arrival was a mistake.

We managed to locate him in this area.

Latitude N14, sector 34B.

- Finding him remains a problem. - That's right.

But we've discovered that he has a device of unknown origin

that regularly emits a signal we can intercept.

If that's true, the alien boy will keep transmitting that signal.

Exactly what I thought, General.

This is an emergency, Captain. You must find him at all costs.

Yes, sir.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Santa has brought presents for all the good children on Earth!

Come on, come get them!

Easy now. Don't shout!

Sit down on the floor.

Come on, come on. I'll hand them out.

Do you want the presents? - Yes!

Have you been good? - Yes!

Or have you been naughty? - No!

Good, let's begin.

Nancy Shirley. Merry Christmas! Let's have a little applause.

- Linda Ericson, this one's for you. - Thank you, Santa.

And this one is for Sylvia.

Let's see... Rex Sullivan.

You're going to love that one.

- Louis Frau. - Thank you!

Let's see if you like it.

- Look, Santa! - It's the sheriff!

Santa is a magician, you see? Even the beard and hair have disappeared!

I'll take this one off myself.

Enough magic. You all recognized me anyway.

- Yes! - Good.

And now for the very best.

These children get special gifts. Much nicer than the others.

Let's hope Santa doesn't get angry when he hears I've become sheriff.

The magic begins again!

...I hope it ends soon.

Charlie! No, enough now!

Do you know what happened? You never listen to me.

But it's your fault. I wanted a present too,

but you said it was only for Earth children, so I kept going.

But I had to keep going too. And do you know what's going to happen now?

That they'll hunt us again. We'll have to spend Christmas at home.

Follow me!

Whoever is in the house, come out at once without resistance.

You're surrounded. This is an order from General Robinson.

You have three minutes. Then we'll break the door down.

Are you the sheriff of this district?

Yes.

Do you know an alien called H-7-25?

Yes.

Are you willing to hand him over to the military authorities?

Yes. - Then hand him over right away.

- No. - What do you mean, no?

- I can't do that. - What do you mean, you can't?

- He's gone. - Gone?

And where did he go?

His father took him away in a spaceship.

Do you really expect me to believe that?

Yes.

THE SHERIFF GETS ANGRY

These subtitles were specially made on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of the death

of Bud Spencer. Bud Spencer died on June 27, 2016.

Fortunately your father came to help us, otherwise it would have ended badly.

This time, yes, but he said it was the last time.

From now on, we'll have to manage on our own.

Every time he comes to Earth, he uses up a lot of biomagnetic energy.

Not as much as I burn in gas driving you across America.

More than your father. Why does all this have to happen to me?

Charlie, come here a minute.

Come eat quickly.

Dinner's ready!

- This is unfortunately our Christmas lunch. - I know, and I'm sorry.

Do you know how many states America has?

- Two million. - No, there are only fifty.

And this year we've already had seven. I don't know where else I can be sheriff.

And all because you don't act like an ordinary boy.

But I'm not an ordinary boy.

I know you're not ordinary, but at least pretend. Otherwise they'll discover

what you are and they'll only want to see the wonder child performing miracles.

I promise I'll never do it again.

Promise?

Then give me your hand, man to man.

If on Earth you shake someone's hand and don't keep your promise...

Then the friendship is over.

If that were so, you would have no friends left.

All right then, huh?

And now... I have a present for you.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

No! Open the box by hand. - Sorry!

That's better. So...

I have something too. - Yes? Where do you have it?

- Close your eyes. - Okay.

- May I open them? - Yes, you may open them.

But that's impossible, this is extraterrestrial.

You ended up on Earth by mistake and you're driving me to despair.

But you had promised. We held each other's hand.

I thought I could make an exception. - No, you can't make an exception.

It's a matter of principle.

Put everything back the way it was. Come on, hurry up, quickly.

- May I open them? - Yes.

- What is that? - The little pig, as it was.

And the rolls? I want the rolls back the way they were!

- Hey, what did you see? - Nothing.

Take this!

You're listening again to Radio Monroe. As always, Nico Bilower is your host.

I advise you not to change frequency: this station is the

freest and most progressive in the region and, moreover, unique.

And here is today's horoscope. A favorable day for thieves and burglars.

To avoid risks, we recommend not leaving the house. I recommend it.

And now, as usual, the summary of the day.

Today was a busy day for the residents of Monroe.

The city bank can no longer handle the many robberies.

Robbers have to wait in long lines at the counters,

while the tellers meanwhile collect some money.

Sorry about that. Ah, a request to the robbers.

Give ladies time to take off their necklaces, be patient.

You're not in a hurry anyway, are you? Thank you.

Now... Yes, dear friends, very important news.

And to think that I can't stand disorder.

Radio Monroe apologizes and continues with the broadcast.

Hey Joe... Put on a record...

Ah, bravo Joe, this song is wonderful, amazing.

The judge and the mayor of the city have announced a contest

If you want to take part... Hey, I found it!

I'll read it. The city council of Monroe is looking for an honest man...

Healthy and single, willing to accept the position of sheriff.

The conditions and reward are good... free lodging and plenty of food!

People, we need a sheriff.

In seven days we'll celebrate Eldorado Day, and if we still haven't found one by then...

it will end like last year, when the National Guard had to restore order.

You hear that, they really need a sheriff.

No, they need a sheriff.

This place is beautiful, I like it.

What's your name?

- H-7-25. - Ah, ah!

I mean, Charlie. My name is Charlie Warren.

I come from the cousin in Minnesota and from your aunt's mountains.

Minnesota doesn't have nephews. You are my aunt's nephew and you're here on vacation.

- Okay! - No, that's wrong.

Good morning.

Good morning, sir. Have a seat!

You have the perfect head. We do everything, sir.

Let's begin right away. Pedicure, manicure and a perm.

Your beard, trimmed short, square, like Jesus Christ, D'Artagnan and Barboni.

Just say what you want, I'll do it.

Who do I see to become sheriff?

Why do you want to become sheriff here in Monroe?

It seemed fun to me.

Let's have a look.

That wouldn't be bad for us at all. Very useful.

- That's right, brother. - Shut up.

Exactly what we were looking for, a sheriff who's a bit more...

Fresh.

- Well-groomed. - No, more... how do you say it...

- Clean. - We want him neater.

No, we want a sheriff who is more...

- What else, buddy? - Elegant.

We're looking for a more elegant sheriff.

And you're a disaster... suspenders and a belt at the same time.

I use them as a precaution. - Yeah, yeah...

Because a belt is dangerous.

Trousers up!

Trousers up!

Trousers up!

Trousers up!

Terrible.

Where do I go for the sheriff job?

- The second street on the right. - Go around the palace.

Radio Monroe is there, ask for Mr. Howland.

Thank you.

Come on, Charlie!

This is the house!

You'll love it.

All the sheriffs we had loved it.

Every one of them. Every one...

Come and see.

Double door. A small handle.

And from here you go inside.

That is, if you got inside.

- A little rust. - No, no...

This door has always been a bit stubborn, but it does open.

- How long have you been without a sheriff? - Don't worry about such a small thing.

Too little oil, it's completely dry.

If you see the countryside... - Allow me.