Idiotsitter

323 to 584.

You watch "Castle" last night?

No. Melissa had the flu.

Ooh. Can I tell you one thing?

Uhuh, no spoilers, man.

- Excuse me. - What the--

Excuse me. How much for sex with both of you, hmm?

Also, I'd like to report a stolen pony.

Come on, Ice Cream, let's go!

Andale!

Ha ha!

Yes, I'm on my way to the interview, Mom.

Yeah, of course I brushed the back of my hair.

Oh, shoot. Hey, Mom, can you Google whether someone

can repossess your car while you're still driving it?

Yeah, but he's still behind me.

I'm on the phone, sir!

Just remember, this is temporary.

This is temporary. This is temporary.

This is temporary. This is temporary.

Hi, um, I'm Billie Brown.

I'm here for the babysitter position.

Oh, um, uh...

Yo soy--

You're the babysitter?

I'm here for the interview, sí.

Yes, sí. Yes.

I'll follow you.

- Yikes. - And is this where you put her?

Yes, in the sitting room.

Hello, hello!

- Welcome! - Hi!

This is our home. Can you believe it?

No, that's great. Hi.

- Please, sit. - Oh, that sounds like fun.

It's Wilhelmina, right?

Oh, or Billie. Most people call me Billie.

- Or Bobbie? - Well, no.

This is my lovely wife, Tanzy, and I'm Kent.

Russell, yes.

I just read an article about your new hybrid sports car line.

It's so interesting to read about--

It makes me uncomfortable

when people tell me things I already know about myself.

So we looked over your résumé.

Very impressive. Harvard.

Both: - Wow. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, thank you,

but it makes me uncomfortable

when people tell me things I already know about myself.

I don't understand.

Tanzy, do you understand?

No, I was just thinking about Danny DeVito.

"Twins."

It's funny.

Um, as you probably also noticed,

I don't have a ton of nannying experience,

but I love kids.

I'm sure I'd get along great with your daughter.

Oh, she's not mine.

I've never been pregnant.

I wouldn't be able to drive.

Mmhmm.

Oh, that-- Is that her?

- Wesley Snipes. - Yeah, it is.

Can I be honest with you, Bill?

You know, my--my-- my daughter's a great gal,

but she had some trouble with school.

Uh, that's great.

I taught in grad school, so I could tutor her.

- Oh, that's perfect. - Yeah.

I mean, she has to pass her GED.

I'm sorry?

It was part of the deal I worked out with the judge.

Judge--What judge--

Now, my daughter has-- How do I put this?

A criminal past... present.

You know, I probably should just let you two meet.

Oh, hey. There she is.

Oh, shoot!

- Am I late? - No, no.

I wanted to make a good first impression.

Is this her? She's gorgeous.

Is this your natural skin? Can I touch it?

Yeah, no, no.

It's okay. I like guys.

Oh, who are you?

This is my daughter, Genevieve.

This is Bobbie.

Oh, you can call me Gene.

Like Eugene Levy, but just the Gene part.

I thought you said your daughter was seven?

Oh, she caught us.

Oh, she caught us, didn't she, Tanzy?

This is a joke.

I don't know.

Yeah, we may have fudged the age a little bit in the ad.

When we said "babysitter,"

we meant more of a "court-appointed guardian."

Is that an ankle monitor?

- What? - Is that...

both: An ankle monitor?

Is that an ankle monitor?

Oh, my gosh. I can do a spot-on impression of her.

Yep. Yep.

Okay, I don't have the background with criminal--

Come on, Bill. You never had any trouble with the law?

No, no, no.

I-I-I jaywalked once to save a hurt bird.

- Bird. - What are you doing?

See? You're practically twins.

Yeah.

It'll be, like, constantly having

a gal-pal to hang around with,

like "Sex and the City."

Ooh, I'll be Phoebe.

I look the most like her. You have to give it to me.

- That's "Friends." - Hire her.

Oh, I should check this out first.

What are you doing? No, no, no!

I'm just making sure we don't have

a Mrs. Doubtfire situation on our hands.

Ah.

Bobbie, I'm sorry.

She just saw "Mrs. Doubtfire."

That's okay. I got to go wash my neighbor's house.

Honey.

Robert, I've written a number on this piece of paper.

I think the number might change your mind.

Okay, thank you, Mr. Russell.

The number's what I'd pay you.

Yes, I got that. Thank you very much.

Good.

Aah!

Hi.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

How much money it is?

I'm an academic.

Yeah, I mean, I would technically

be teaching her, but, no.

No, you know what?

I'll sell my hair. That's something people do.

Yeah, I'll cut off my hair, and I'll sell it.

I will persevere.

I don't need money.

I mean, how much could it possibly be?

Holy !

Hey, Billie!

I thought about it. You can be Phoebe.

- What are you doing? - Oh, my God.

Sorry, I was just unpacking, listening to Beethoven.

The dog?

Uh, no. The composer.

Deaf. Never mind.

Oh, my gosh, you look so good with short hair.

Oh, that's--

You should totally rock this again.

That's not me.

That's my--my boy-- my ex-boyfriend, actually.

We're on hiatus. I shouldn't--

Gosh, me too.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean, we were, and then he got together with Mariah Carey.

But I think that's off.

Are you talking about Nick Cannon?

I don't want to talk about it.

Point is, it's tough to find someone

who measures up to your dad, right?

What is this?

It's from Mexico. It's an antique.

Can I put it on for a second?

- Is this cool? - It's not clothes.

Oh, my God. It fits.

I should totally have this.

Yeah, I'll hang on to it for you.

Oh, yeah. You can borrow it, sure.

Thank you.

You really love your dad, huh?

Yeah, he's the frickin' best.

Are you kidding me?

He, like, bails me out when I'm in trouble,

and he gets me cool stuff,

and he totally did a commercial with a monkey.

My grandfather died in those.

Can I?

Oh, sh-

The acting monkey was like, "Places and set."

- Uh, Moishe's Gold Emporium. - Back to one.

Moishe's Gold Emporium. Uh, wrong number.

I know this before we even talk. Shalom.

Oh, my gosh.

Was that a prank in reverse?

I'm in. I'm totally in. What do I do?

No, I'm-- You're not in.

I'm evading my student loan payments.

What?

I mean, if you owe 'em money, you just pay it.

Yeah, but I don't have it.