Mommie Dearest

Yes?

We're ready for you, Miss Crawford.

Let's go!

And on our left, up the hill, is the home of movie queen Joan Crawford.

Excuse me.

- Helga's finished in the living room. - Good.

Carol Ann, help me with this.

Helga! When you polish the floor, you have to move the tree.

If you can't do something right, don't do it at all.

- I'm sorry, Miss Crawford. - Give me the soap!

You see, Carol Ann, you have to stay on top of things every single minute.

- Carol Ann, you get that. - Yes, Miss Crawford.

Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.

Mr Savitt, come in.

- Greg? You're early. - Only an hour and a half.

Take your shoes off. I've just washed that floor.

What about the socks?

I can handle the socks.

Hello, Bridget.

Miss Crawford, words cannot express our gratitude

for the happiness you bring our children.

No, I'm the one who's grateful, Reverend Mother.

Being with the children at Christmas is one of the things I look forward to.

Bridget, look.

Merry Christmas, Bridget.

- You know what's missing in my life? - A hit movie.

- You've got everything you want. - I don't. I want a baby.

- A baby? - Yeah.

- You know I've always wanted a kid. - You're too vain to be pregnant.

Vain.

I can't have one.

I was pregnant seven times with Franchot. I lost them all.

I am going to adopt one.

- Out of the question. - What do you mean?

- No agency would give you a baby. - How do you know?

- I'm a lawyer. - Bend the law!

You're an actress, you've been divorced twice.

Adoption agencies can be brutal.

Besides, a baby needs a father.

Father.

A father.

I never had one. Ma changed husbands faster than she changed bedsheets.

Ma, with her sloppiness and dirt!

Hard times is good for people.

Would I be where I am if I hadn't had them?

I could teach a kid to look after himself and amount to something. I could!

Maybe you could. One thing's certain, you'd sure get a lot of publicity.

Bastard!

You guys in Hollywood. All you think about is publicity, deals, box office.

Why don't you try to understand a woman?

I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you, Miss Crawford.

The agency has denied your application for adoption.

Why?

Well, you live alone. There is no other family member in the home.

You have two previous divorces. You're a busy, active woman.

''The candidate is found to be an unsuitable parent.''

Unsuitable?

- Please, Miss Crawford. - Don't you dare judge me!

We have a moral and legal responsibility.

You don't understand.

What you're doing is denying one of your children

the opportunity to live a wonderful and advantaged life.

How sad that is.

Good afternoon.

Do I look all right? Am I dressed right?

For God's sakes, Joan.

I want everything perfect.

Perfect!

The kid's a couple of months old. It's not going to know.

- I know. Why aren't they here? - I don't know.

Please! I don't want whisky on your breath.

Damn it, Joan. I got you the baby. It's yours!

I know.

They're here.

Hello. Please, this way.

- We're so pleased, Miss Crawford. - Thank you, Doctor.

Hello!

Oh, Greg!

She's perfect.

You're perfect.

My daughter.

My own daughter!

I'm going to make a perfect life for you.

I'm going to give you all the things I never had.

My beautiful little darling!

You're a lucky girl, and very expensive. You cost me a lot of favours.

I'm going to call you...

...Christina.

Christina, darling.

My darling daughter.

My own...

...Christina Crawford.

Are you having a happy birthday, Christina, darling?

This is the best party I ever had!

- I love you, Mommie Dearest. - I love you, Tina, darling.

- Hello, darling. - Here's your mommie.

This is Christopher, my second child.

I would like to adopt every unwanted child in the world.

Look at that, darling!

Life is tough enough when you are wanted. Isn't it?

It's time for his nap.

- He's sleepy. - Have Nanny tuck him in properly.

Christina!

Birthday girl! What do you think?

- Should we open the presents now? - Yes.

- Do you think it's about time, too? - Yes.

- I'm not so sure. - Please!

- Look right there. - Miss Crawford?

The studio would like some shots of you watching Christina open a present.

All right, Jimmy. Come on, darling.

Oh! I have a grass stain.

- Darling, that will never show. - I'll have Nanny take care of it.

- No, we'll take the photographs now. - Actually, it might read.

All right, dear. Go along and have Nanny fix it. We'll wait for you here.

OK, Christina... Over a little more, Christina...

OK, big smile, Christina.

OK, Christina, wide smile, now. Wide eyes. OK?

A little to your right, Christina. Come on, Christina. Beautiful!

- She's a real natural. - I think that's enough now, Jimmy.

Tina, tell the children to come up and we'll open the presents for real.

OK.

I promised the studio some stuff when she blows out the candles.

All right, Jimmy.

Oh, Mommie, thank you.

She's so beautiful!

What should I name her?

- Is that the present you like best? - Oh, yes!

Then that's the present you can keep.

We'll take the rest to the orphans who don't have anything.

And tomorrow we'll write our thank-you notes.

Christina, why can't you...?

Hello, hello!

Happy birthday, darling.

Hello, darling.

Oh, Uncle Greg! It's just what I wanted.

- Do you like it? - I love it!

But you see, I'm only keeping one present.

All the rest I'm giving to the poor orphans.

Yes, I read about that in the newspapers. It's wonderful.

So, I'll just keep this for you until you don't have to choose.

I put a lot of thought into this when I picked it for you.

All right.

This time we'll make an exception.

You may keep the doll and the bracelet.

Oh, Mommie Dearest!

What about Christopher's present?

This one.

Darling, remember what I told you about adopted children?

Adopted children are luckiest, 'cause they were chosen.

That's right.

That's good! But you've got to push off more with your weight.

- Let's see another one! - She's had enough.

- I'm tired, Mommie. - Quitter!

All right, ready?

One, two, three, dive!

Better, but keep your legs together when you go in the water.

She's only a kid.

So was I, only a kid. I learned early!

Life goes by too fast. You've got to know how to compete and win.

I don't want her growing up a spoiled Hollywood brat

just because she's Crawford's daughter.

- It's lovely, isn't it? - Yes, it is.

It's a great Sunday at home...with a star.

You know, we hardly ever have nice days like this any more.

I've got an appointment.

They call, you run.

Who calls, I run?

Nobody.

- Then why do you say that? - Because I'm mad at you!

Why?

This is the best script the studio has, and it hasn't been offered to me.

You could help.

That's Mayer's business. I never tell a man I respect how to run his business.

They think I'm slipping.

- Are you? - No.

So?

Yes.

I just want that part!

- I want you, too. - You got me.

- Have a good time, Tina. - Thanks, Uncle Greg.

I love you.

- Who wants to go swimming? - I do!

- I'll race you! - On your mark, get set...go!

Again?

I'll give you a bigger head start. Come on, Tina!

On your mark, get set...go!

You lost again!

It's not fair! You're bigger than I am. It's not fair to win twice!

But nobody ever said that life was fair, Tina.

I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.

Then I'm not going to play with you any more, ever!

Don't you ever use that tone of voice with me, missy!

Who do you think you're talking to?

You will march yourself upstairs to your room

and stay there until I tell you to come out!

- No, I won't! - No, you won't?

Yes, you will!

- I won't go! - All right! You will stay in here

until you are ready to behave and to apologise.

- I won't! - Get in!