Landman

Wow, that looks dangerous.

It is dangerous.

But there's a beauty to it.

60-40 with a 30% promoter off the top.

I don't loan to lose.

That sounds like a good deal.

We're not done negotiating yet, Cami.

We're done now.

It's my new goal in life, Tommy,

to have you trust me.

Should take me back to the home.

This ain't working.

Did he know Mama? Did he call her an addict

or something? 'Cause it's true.

How much do engagement rings cost?

You know what,

you come by the house. I'm gonna

give you my engagement ring.

You understand that a romantic relationship

with an M-TEX employee

violates the stipulations of your contract?

You can be good at your job and enjoy yourself.

You know that, right?

Your grump of a son won't dance with me.

I guess I got a dance or two left in me.

My father's story's over.

Doesn't look like it's over. You know, I get

the sense she don't trust you.

She thinks I'm gonna lose her fortune.

Well, you're gonna have to do something about that.

Because when those sharks smell her doubting you,

they're gonna poison her with reason to get rid of you.

-Uh, who the fuck are you? -Waitress,

waitress! Don't rape me!

I'm not gonna rape you. The fuck's wrong with you?

Tommy, put your dick away.

Don't be scared, darling.

That wasn't about you.

He eats Cialis like MandM's, runs into door jams

all morning with that thing.

Son of a bitch.

So sorry about that.

-Oh. -Okay, just leave the tray.

Uh, thank you.

Go ahead.

Nice.

What are you doing,

sneaking fucking hotel workers in here for?

I was trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed.

Well, you sure as shit did.

That is not the best angle of your ball sack, I might add.

I'd scream, too. You know,

you've really got to love a man

to look at him from there.

Poor thing.

If she wasn't a lesbian when she walked in here,

she's a fucking lesbian now.

Where you going?

Getting dressed.

When my husband flashes the waitstaff,

it kind of kills the mood.

Well, honey, you're the one that told me

to take an extra pill last night.

Now what do I do with this fucking thing? Huh?

Why don't you fuck one of those waffles?

Okay, maybe I will.

Matter of fact, I might fuck the whole breakfast.

The waffles and the fruit

and the goddamn bagel and the omelet.

Don't you fucking touch my omelet.

Oh, the omelet's the first thing that's getting fucked.

Don't you fuck my omelet.

You better order another one because it's fucked.

Way to ruin the weekend, Tommy.

The weekend just started, babe.

And you already ruined it.

Buenos días.

Mm. Buen día a ti.

¿Dormiste bien?

I did.

Why are we speaking Spanish?

I've been practicing.

I can see that.

Well, I just figured, it's your first language.

I should know how to speak it.

And when you start talking shit,

I'll know what you're saying.

Do you know French?

-No. -Hmm.

Guess I better learn that then.

It's important I'm able to talk shit about you

without repercussions.

It's the corner shop of any healthy relationship.

"Cornerstone," babe.

Oye, no necesito que corrijas cada palabra

que uso mal.

Okay, what does that mean?

Looks like I don't have to learn French for a while.

How was Isabel?

Isabel was a trap.

Did you survive it?

She taught me how to make salsa.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

Salsa roja or verde?

Both.

Mm.

You did more than survive.

Two down, one to go.

Mm. You're on the clock, flaco.

Don't make me wait forever.

I want it to be special when I ask.

Having done this once before,

the asking isn't what makes it special.

The wedding doesn't either.

The wedding's for everyone else.

We make the marriage special.

We make every day special, Cooper.

And it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Understand?

I'm trying really hard to listen,

but you're naked and

it's got my brain pretty jumbled.

Men.

Morning.

Morning. You hungry?

Um...

I...

No? Not a breakfast eater?

No, I... I have breakfast.

It's typically

-a juice blend... -Uh-huh.

...some yogurt,

açaí, blueberries, if they're wild.

Well, we don't have any of that.

What do we have?

Coffee?

Sure.

Barefoot.

That's really living on the edge in West Texas.

-Dirt feels good. -Oh, yeah?

Till it doesn't. When something under you

stings the shit out of you.

When I overcome my shame,

I'll need some help understanding the mechanics

of the travel trailer toilet.

Well, the pedal is on the floor.

It's like a car.

Below the seat, you push it halfway down,

it fills the basin. All the way down flushes it.

Thank you. How about the shower?

There's no pedals in the shower.

It's just like the one you got at home,

you know, just probably...

probably much smaller, I'll assume.

God, it's beautiful, isn't it?

That's not the word I would use to describe it.

You know that its formation

is a result of tectonic events

a billion or more years ago.

You know, we're sitting right now on a shallow sea.

And there was this massive evaporative event,

and then this became an inland sea,

connected down to the ocean by what we call the Hovey Channel,

formed during the Permian period, hence the name.

There was massive marine life in this sea, massive.

And that marine life is now the oil we all seek today.

We're eating breakfast on the ocean floor.

Isn't that something?

Yeah.

And you?

-Me? -Mm-hmm.

-A lawyer. -Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So, you like to fight.

I like to beat people who underestimate me.

Underestimate you?

Which is everyone.

Who underestimates you?

I mean, y-you scare the shit out of me.

You're smart, you're beautiful,

you got a chip on your shoulder the size

of this drilling rig here.

You don't act very scared.

I like to overcome my fears.

Oh, is that what you've been doing?

You know what, I'm a big believer

in only getting involved with women way out of my league.

Ah.

Okay. And why is that?

If you don't feel like you deserve what you got,

you'll always work hard to deserve it.

-What? -Wow. Okay.

You know, I bet the ladies really lap that shit up.

Well, I've never actually been with a woman

way out of my league till you,

so this is the first test of that theory.

Oh, now I'm a theory?

No, you're not. You're not a theory.

You're very much real. You're actually...

I'm shocked this is even happening.