The Exes

- Oh... - Mmm, mmm.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, god!

- I don't know who this new chef is,

but his burgers are better than sex.

Plus, after you're done,

there's no cuddling, no spooning.

It's just gone.

Well, I'm done.

Ugh.

I should've stopped when my pants button

popped off.

Now this little lady's gotta waddle on home.

Oh--um--ooh--

- hey, Stuart, would you pass the mustard?

Mustard?

Seriously?

I feel like an accessory to culinary murder.

And the ketchup.

- Okay, this is an abomination. - All right.

Look, look, look. Less talk, more squeeze bottles.

- Fine, but what you're doing to this burger

is totally disrespectful--

ooh! - Hey, man! Wha--

- I'm sorry! Sorry!

What the hell are you doing?

- I-I thought she was a ketchup bottle.

What?

You think this is funny?

We got a problem here, man?

- Yeah, I got a problem with this guy

groping my girlfriend.

- Look, it was a complete accident, okay?

I didn't mean to upset you or your date.

I'll tell you what. Let me take care of your dinner.

I got a better idea.

Why don't you get the hell out of here?

You know what?

How about you and I take this outside?

Just let me finish my burger.

- Phil, you know what? It's--it's fine.

It's fine. I-I was-- I was done anyway.

You know what? I'm just gonna take off.

Yeah, you do that.

And if I ever see you in this bar again,

I'm gonna kick your ass!

Oh, you want a piece of me?

No, just the ketchup.

?

Morning.

Sorry I'm late, but I have a good excuse.

I don't want to hear it.

- Okay, but it's awesome.

Get back here and spill.

- All right, so last night I was at club shelter

and I met this incredibly sexy french guy.

Ooh, sexy french guy!

His name is Tristan.

He had a limo waiting,

and he whisked me off to dinner at per se.

Ooh, "whisked."

- We went back to his suite,

and this morning, on the nightstand

he left me this bracelet.

Ooh.

What?

- I know.

It's got diamonds and sapphires. - No, no, no.

Eden, you realize you're gonna have to give that back.

Pfft!

That's funny.

It sounded like you said, "give it back."

- Eden, you had sex with a man,

and he gave you something in return.

There's a word for that.

Yes. Generous.

You know what?

You just don't understand european men.

Oh, please.

I'm no stranger to the european male.

- Oh, really? When's the last time

you went out with a european guy?

- Okay, how about that doctor

I went to the opera with?

He was from connecticut.

- All I know is he had an accent.

- It was a speech impediment.

So wobert wasn't wussian?

You can convince yourself all you want

that everything's above board,

but this whole thing reeks of sleaze--reeks!

- And this bracelet is loaded with diamonds--loaded!

Eden...

You know what?

I'm going out with Tristan again tonight.

Why don't you meet us for drinks and you can see for yourself

how everything is on the up and up.

All right, I will.

There's nothing I love more than to be proved wrong.

Uh, that is not true.

It's 'cause I never am.

- Oh. Yep! There he is.

Come on, buddy.

Let's go down to the bar and do some burger damage.

- You know what? You guys go ahead.

I'm a little burgered out.

Burgered out?

You made them your profile picture on facebook.

Yeah, I know.

I guess--I guess I'm just bored with them.

I mean, really, when you take away the fancy garnish,

they're rather pedestrian.

You shut your mouth!

Those burgers have done nothing but bring us pleasure.

- This wouldn't have anything to do with

the dude at the bar last night, would it?

What dude?

- You know, red haired guy about that tall,

made you look about that tall.

That fellow?

No, I haven't even given him a second thought.

- Okay, because you know,

if you're worried about that guy,

you don't have to be. I got your back.

And if he gets through Phil,

he's gonna have to deal with this hombre.

And I'm a biter.

- Guys, guys. Believe me.

If I wanted to go down to the bar

and have a burger, I would.

I'm just not in the mood.

It has nothing to do with that mindless hooligan.

- Right, but last night,

you did kind of run out of there.

- No. I did nothing of the sort.

I left of my own volition.

Of course you did.

Like a brave matador who turns his back

on a bull to show his fearlessness.

Thank you.

- And then wets himself and runs to his mommy.

- Okay, Tristan's gonna be here any minute.

Just promise you won't embarrass me.

- Eden, when was the last time I embarrassed you?

- Uh, 30 seconds ago when you tucked my boobs back in.

- Yeah, well, you were one sneeze away

from a nip slip.

I just don't want this guy thinking

you're something you're not.

- You know what? You're overreacting, all right?

Tristan is a charming, sophisticated man

who enjoys spending time with me.

We'll see.

I got a nose for trouble, Eden.

It's gonna take a lot more than charm

and a french accent to get past this ol' sniffer.

There he is.

Hey, Tristan. Over here.

- Oh. -

Adorable, right?

Eden...

Merci.

Tristan, I'd like you to meet my friend, Holly.

- Bon soir, Holly. - 'Sup?

- Look, I'm wearing the beautiful bracelet

you gave me.

- A beautiful bracelet for a beautiful woman.

Ugh.

Yes, it was very, very generous of you.

But, you know, sometimes with gifts like that

comes implied expectations.

Tell me, Tristan, was there such expectation?

- My only expectation is the smile on her face,

the sparkle in her eyes,

and the joy in her heart.

- You got an answer for everything, don't you?

Oh, Jean Luc...

Oh. Who's that?

- Since you were bringing a friend,

I thought I would too.

Jean Luc, this is Eden... - Hi.

- And her charming friend, Holly.

- Charming and beautiful.

Oh, well.

Bon soir, Holly.

Hi, there.

You speak french.

That was french?

- Ah, yes, I studied it in high school.

Mademoiselle plotkin said I had a real ear for it.

- You are delightful.

Well, I'm not even trying.

- I got a limo waiting outside.

- A limo?

Why don't we have dinner

at le bernardin... - Ooh.

- And afterwards go dancing at cielo?

- C'est bon? - Sounds bon to me.

Holly?

- What do you say, ma cherie?