Last Man Standing

All right, I got to go.

- See ya. - Oh, what?

Mm. Wait, where do you think you're going?

I go work. Make money. You buy flowers. - No, no, wait!

No. You-you can't leave.

My mother's gonna be here any second.

Why didn't you say so? I'll get my announcement trumpet

and blow it right here in the foyer.

I need you to be my buffer. You know how my mother is.

Look, I know you want me to say something bad about your mom,

but, honey, I literally like six people in the world,

and your mom's one of 'em.

Yeah, well, that is because you have never been her daughter.

I like that you're implying

that there's still time.

I really thought she was coming this afternoon.

I've got to get to work.

I'm working on this pain-in-the-ass

environmental impact statement for our California store.

No, no, I need you. I need you.

My mother is impacting my environment.

But you bought her flowers.

Next to a grandkid, that's the best thing you could get her.

Oh, no, trust me. She will take one look at those flowers

and then do that little head tilt and say something critical.

So what I'm hearing is you could've spent less money

on flowers.

Uh...

Wa-Wait, wa-wait, wa-wait.

- Hey. - Oh!

- My little girl! - Oh.

Hi, Mom.

Mike, I don't know

what you're eating, but, whatever it is,

it's making you younger.

Corn Nuts and bacon.

- Okay. That'll do it. - Oh, you look good.

- Hi, Bonnie. - Thank you.

Oh, what beautiful flowers.

Oh, darling, do you remember that flower arrangement course

I signed us up for when you were in high school?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the church basement.

Yeah, yeah. I felt so bad for my friends

who had to find something else to do on Friday nights.

But you learned a wonderful skill.

And...

if you remember,

they always stressed that we should never put delicate stems

in our foundation.

Huh! Mother made it better.

Yeah.

It's my favorite.

That's why they have it on the wine list.

Oh! Oh.

Oh...

This is a terrible year.

- For me. - Yeah.

Well, this one's not going so great for me, either. Um...

Oh, oh, there's Kristin! Kristin, Kristin!

Oh!

- Oh! - Grandma!

- Hi! Oh. - Look at you,

managing this whole restaurant.

I always knew you were a go-getter.

Oh, stop it.

She, um... she-she takes after her mother.

Minus the bragging.

Uh, can you join us? Well, you-you-you must join us.

Uh... No, I...

We're short-staffed today. I'm sorry.

But I promise you ladies will get the VIP treatment.

- Oh. - Which, at my restaurant, means

endless jerky.

Oh...

that is a woman in charge.

The boss. Ooh.

- Isn't that something? Mm! - Mm.

Well, I'm-I'm very proud of my daughter.

- Yeah. - 'Cause I-I know

how hard it is to succeed in a male-dominated world.

I mean, t wasn't easy, even with my PhD.

Dear, it isn't a compliment when you pay it to yourself.

Ed! Ed! Hi!

Ed, over here!

- Ed! - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Uh, Mom, uh, you-you remember Ed Alzate.

Of course!

- Hi, Ed. - Bonnie, you look as lovely as ever.

- Look at you. - Oh, and you're such a gentleman.

- And as dapper as always. - Oh.

Look at you two getting along. Join us.

Thank you.

- Kristin's, uh, bringing jerky. - Oh.

Two blondes and a bucket of jerky.

I hit the jackpot!

Oh, you were always such a character.

I remember you dancing at Mandy's wedding.

I'd never seen someone tango to "Whip It."

Uh-huh.

Well, start humming, and you can see it again.

Whoa.

Ed... uh, my-my mom and I are planning

on taking a painting class tonight.

You should... you should come along.

- Oh, yes. - Really? Really?

I've always wanted to try painting.

But I'd need a muse.

Oh. And I always thought I could be a model.

Mom, it's not a compliment if you pay it to yourself.

Did you finish your math?

Almost.

Did you start it?

Almost.

That's not funny, Boyd, okay?

And neither was your last report card.

You get upstairs and you get your work done,

or we are not going to the Autumn Festival

this weekend in Aspen.

I don't want to go.

It's leaves changing colors.

Math. Now. Do it.

What?

Nothing. It's just...

the way you talk to Boyd.

Yeah. Remember, Ryan, you shouldn't talk at him.

You know, you should talk to him.

Oh, yeah. I forget, how many kids do you guys have?

None. Duh.

I was gonna freak if you said anything else.

Don't get me wrong, I-I do appreciate

the nonstop input of how to raise our child,

but Kristin and I got this.

Do you?

I mean, I wonder if it wouldn't be better for everybody

if you weren't so stern with Boyd.

Yeah, you know, be less of a father and more of a friend.

Oh, now I get it.

Thank you for talking to me and not at me.

Here's a thought.

Why don't you and Kristin go to Aspen

and you can leave Boyd with us. Give us a chance.

Yeah, I mean, you would have to ask Kristin first...

She said yes. He's all yours. No take-backs.

- Ah. There you are. - Listen, I'd like to talk,

but I really got to get this done, honey.

I'm not gonna interrupt you.

I just want to give you a little bit of news.

But you can't do that without interrupting me,

so let's just...

You do not have to worry about being the buffer

between me and my mother anymore.

Know why?

You killed her.

No.

- Great. - He is my new buffer.

Ed's always been a real mother-buffer, I'll tell you.

Oh, there you are, Vanessa.

Oh, boy.

You know, I wonder if Saddam Hussein's spider hole

is still available.

You know, say what you will about him...

it took a long time to find him.

I just talked to Eddie,

and he invited me to dinner tonight.

- What about our painting class? - Oh, darling,

would you mind if we took a rain check?

he wanted to...

he wanted to see me in something other than a smock.

Okay. Well, you go, go. Have fun.

- Okay. Don't wait up. - Okay.

Looks like your plan worked.

And yet you still seem upset.

I can't believe it.

That mother-buffer stole my mom.

Oh. Hey.

I couldn't find you.

That was kind of the idea.

Sorry. Uh, so how's the impact report coming?

Oh. People's Republic of California can't slide into the ocean fast enough.

Yeah.

I know exactly what you mean.

You know, I have had it with Ed.

Let's talk about Ed, 'cause I was tired

of talking about my problems.

You know, every day this week,

that man has monopolized my mother,

and I can't get a lunch in edgewise.

Look, you don't like it when your mom's around you.

You don't like it when your mom's not around you.

Between us, are you bananas?

Honey, I want to be with her, just not alone with her.

Okay, I've told you this for, like, 30 years,

but they say the 900th time is the charm.

Talk to your mother.

Oh, right, right, right.

Then all she'll do is this.

And who could survive this?

Mike, she does it all the time.

Remember when she saw the flowers?

Yeah. When you made fun of the class you guys took together?