Adam & Paul

This programme contains very strong language.

DISTANT HORN BLOWS

Oh, for fuck's sake!

What's wrong with you?

Some fucker's had to glue me to this thing.

Would you wait till I get out of me sleeves?

You go that way there.

There's no glue on that bit!

"Made in...Bulgaria."

I feel sorry for them, I do. Who?

The Bulgarians.

Have nothing, they have.

I feel sick. Yeah.

What money have you? I don't know.

Odds and coppers.

Fuck...

Where the fuck are we?

How the fuck did we end up out here? I don't know.

I haven't been out here in years.

Fuckin' years!

All right, lads? All right, yeah.

Yeah? Yeah, good, yeah.

Nothin' mad goin' on or nothin'?

Not a fuckin' thing!

Look, lads... Yeah? What's the story about scorin' around here, do you know?

Well, you could try Martin in Block B, Flat 63.

Thanks. But he won't open the door to youse.

Thanks. No problem.

Oh, here, youse wouldn't have a smoke, would youse? No.

Thanks.

Look, I'll do the fuckin' talkin', all right? Yeah.

He might want somethin' doin' or whatever. Right, good.

Like what?

I don't know. Bit of fuckin' carryin' or whatever.

All right, yeah, a bit of carryin'. Or maybe put up some shelves or somethin'.

Fuckin' whatever! Yeah, yeah.

Hello?

There's nobody there. Shut up!

I can hear him movin' fuckin' around. I fuckin' smell it.

Hello! Martin... Hey, who's that...? Martin!

Hello! Get away from the door, lads. The place is crawlin' with viggies.

Martin... Martin, we just want to talk to you a minute. Jesus!

You've three seconds to get away from the door or I'll come out and fuckin' batter ye! Jesus' sake!

I swear to God, lads, I will do fuckin' time for youse! Oh, fuck!

But, Martin, what about your shelves? What?

Right, lads, you've asked for it!

Come back here and you're fuckin' dead!

Fuck off, ya fuckin'...gaybag!

Hey, what are you doin' out there?

Oh, fuck!

I'm fucked. Yeah.

Here, do we have a plan?

Um...

Into town.

Yeah...

See who's around, what's goin' on, like. Yeah.

Get some money. Yeah.

And then score.

Super. Yeah.

I'm goin' to get sick. You're grand. Put your head between your legs.

I'm goin' to have to get off. I'm goin' to vomit.

You're grand. Hold it.

Oh, good Jesus! Is right.

I'm goin' to vomit. Oh, for fuck's sake!

I'm fuckin' freezin'.

I don't think there's any more.

Wait, I've somethin' in me shoe.

Here we go. Come on!

Wait! Fuck's sake...

Aaagh! Agh, me fuckin' leg!

I'm fuckin' sweatin'! Yeah, sick all right!

All right, Adam and Paul? All right? All right?

All right, yeah.

Good, yeah.

Anythin' mad or anythin'?

No, just in here, like.

Bit of the old skills training with the young fella. Oh, right.

That's your young fella? Yeah. That's Georgie Junior.

Isn't that right, Georgie? Here, I'm talkin' to ye!

No respect for his old fella.

Who had that baba for you, Georgie?

Tina Blake. Blakey's sister, yeah? Yeah.

All right.

Where are you livin' now, Georgie?

Why do you want to know? I don't. I was just askin'.

Well, Georgie Junior lives with Tina, like. I mean, we're not together or anythin'.

Not any more, like. Me and Tina.

All right. Sorry. It's fine, but.

I mean, no hassle, like. I get Georgie on Wednesdays and the weekends sometimes.

I bring him down here or go to McDonald's or whatever.

Throw her a few bob when I has it.

Yeah. It's the same all over.

It's the way of the world, mate. Yeah.

So, where have youse been the last few weeks?

I haven't seen you since... Since what?

Matthew an' that.

Just hangin' around, like, you know? Just layin' low, like.

So were youse at it this morning? What?

They had his Month's Mind this morning. Oh.

Dead a month, like. I didn't fuckin' know that.

Right.

Go on, Georgie, kick the ball!

Kick the ball.

Go on, pass us the ball.

Will I kick the ball? Would you leave the young fella alone? You're frightenin' the fuck out of him!

Sorry.

Sorry. Hey, Georgie, that's enough now!

You have me fuckin' worn out!

Look, Marian and the gang are over the far side of the park. Right.

Are youse coming over? I don't know. Maybe.

Suit yourselves.

Come on, Georgie, for fuck's sake!

SHE COUGHS

I can't do it now, love. Fuck off and play for a while!

She has me worn out, that one - always wantin' her hair plaited.

That's cos she's probably seen it on the telly or somethin'. Britney or somethin'.

I'm right sick of it.

Oh, Jaysus!

Look who it is!

Look over behind Georgie. Fuckin' Adam and Paul!

All right, Georgie? All right, Marian?

All right, Marian?

Marian... Orla.

Wayne. Wayne.

Lads. All right, Georgie?

All right, Wayne? Orla.

Georgie. Out for the day, yeah?

Yeah, just havin' a little picnic for the kiddies.

Throw us over another can, Orla.

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

Hey, Georgie Junior, were you kickin' that ball, were you?

He fuckin' was, weren't you? He's shy, is he? A bit, yeah.

Come on, kiddo. We'll go and kick the ball. Come on, Georgie. It's too fuckin' crowded around here!

Come on, kiddo. Come on!

Will you have a can, Georgie?

No, you're grand. I can't.

Why not? Tina would go mad if she thought I was drinkin' again.

It's only a fuckin' can! Well...

Go on.

All right, quick, before the young fella sees.

Georgie! I'm fuckin' comin'!

What happened to you?

Me? Yeah.

I got knocked down by a moped.

Fuck off! Serious. Yeah.

Dope! It did hurt, it did.

Me leg's fucked. All scraped an' all, you know.

Orla, give them two a can before me heart breaks!

They don't fuckin' deserve it! Thanks, Marian. Thanks, Marian.

Here you are.

I never saw youse this morning.

No.

Thanks(!) Sorry. He was your mate, lads.

Sorry.

So did youse just not bother goin' or what? We didn't know, Marian.

Sure(!) We didn't fuckin' know!

That's not my fuckin' fault! Sorry.

Fuck youse!

I'm fuckin' sweatin'!

I am.

Well, youse were missed.

Me ma was there an' all.

Roarin', she was. In bits.

Heart is fuckin' broken over Matthew.

She'd like to fuckin' see youse! Waste of time, if you ask me.

Look at the fuckin' state o' youse!

Do you remember them three, Orla, years ago?

Do I fuck! Sure, didn't they practically live in our house?

Fuckin' idolised them two, Matthew did. Idolised.

Adam, Paul and Matthew. Like the Three Musketeers, youse were. Yeah?

And now look at youse.

Youse are like the two... fuckin' eejits!

Sorry.

He'd have been better off if he'd never set eyes on youse.

Sorry.

Here...

Light up that spliff for yourselves. Relax, like.

So...?

So?

So where have youse two been? Around. Yeah.

Right. Layin' low, like.

Low, like.

Was Janine there, Marian? This morning?

She was. Not that it's any of your business.

Doin' very well for herself, she is now. Yeah?

Yeah. Isn't she, Orla? She is, yeah. Total straight and narrow.

Very healthy. Yeah.

And she does keep that flat lovely an' all. Yeah.

Full of lovely gear. Yeah.

Where did she get all that stuff? Wayne got it for her.

For getting it together, like. Brings her stuff.

He's a good brother to her. He is.

Love to see her, we would. Yeah.

Listen to me. Stay away from me fuckin' sister, all right?

Keepin' herself tidy and happy and I'm fucked if I'm havin' you two drag her down again.

Another fuckin' Matthew? But, Marian...

Sorry about that.

Tell them, Wayne. Tell them.

What? To stay away from Janine.

Lads...if I see youse near Janine,