Thor: Ragnarok

Thor: Now, I know what you're thinking.

"Oh, no! Thor's in a cage. How did this happen?"

Well, sometimes you have to get captured

just to get a straight answer out of somebody.

It's a long story,

but basically, I'm a bit of a hero.

See, I spent some time on earth...

Fought some robots,

saved the planet a couple of times.

Then I went searching through the cosmos

for some magic, colorful infinity stone things.

Didn't find any.

That's when I came across

a path of death and destruction...

Which led me all the way here into this cage...

Where I met you.

Hmm.

How much longer do you think we'll be here?

Thor, son of Odin.

Surtur, son of a bitch.

You're still alive.

I thought my father killed you a half a million years ago.

I cannot die.

Not until I fulfill my destiny...

And lay waste to your home.

It's funny you should mention that.

Because I've been having these terrible dreams of late.

Asgard up in flames, falling to ruins.

And you, surtur,

are at the center of all of them.

Then you have seen ragnarok, the fall of asgard.

- The great prophecy... - Hang on.

Hang on.

I'll be back around shortly.

I really feel like we were connecting there.

Okay, so ragnarok.

Tell me about that. Walk me through it.

My time has come.

When my crown is reunited with the eternal flame...

I shall be restored to my full might.

I will tower over the mountains...

And Bury my sword deep in asgard's...

Thor: Oh, hang on. Give it a second.

I swear I'm not even moving.

It's just doing this on its own.

I'm really sorry.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

You're going to put your crown into the eternal flame...

And then you'll suddenly grow as big as a house?

A mountain!

The eternal flame that Odin keeps locked away on asgard?

Odin is not on asgard.

And your absence has left the throne defenseless.

Okay, so where is it? This crown?

This is my crown, the source of my power.

Oh, that's a crown.

I thought it was a big eyebrow.

It's a crown.

Anyway, it sounds like all I have to do to stop ragnarok...

Is rip that thing off your head.

But ragnarok has already begun.

You cannot stop it.

I am asgard's doom, and so are you.

All will suffer, all will burn.

Oh, that's intense.

To be honest, seeing you grow really big...

And set fire to a planet would be quite the spectacle.

But it looks like I'm gonna have to choose option b...

Where I bust out of these chains...

Knock that tiara off your head,

and stash it away in asgard's vault.

You cannot stop ragnarok.

Why fight it?

Because that's what heroes do.

Hmm.

Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't time that right.

Hmm?

And, now!

You have made a grave mistake, odinson.

I make grave mistakes all the time.

Everything seems to work out.

Heimdall, I know it's been a while,

but I could really use a fast exit.

Heimdall?

Skurge: Heimdall was an idiot.

This job should have made him rich.

Now, the job ain't easy...

But it does have its benefits.

The Bifrost gives me access to everything

the nine realms has to offer.

I mean it's all mine for the taking.

Behold...

My stuff.

Ooh.

I'm particularly fond of these.

I pulled them out of a place on midgard called Texas.

I even named them. Des and Troy.

You see, when you put them together...

They destroy.

Heimdall, come on.

Stay!

Heimdall? I'm running short on options.

Heimdall?

Um... skurge?

Is that important?

Skurge: You girls are in for a treat.

Girls!

Well, well, well. Look who decided to pop in.

Thanks for scaring away my company

and drenching my workplace in brains.

Who are you?

Don't you remember? I'm skurge.

We fought together on vanaheim.

Right. Where is Heimdall?

That traitor. No one knows. He's a fugitive of the throne.

Traitor?

Yeah. Well, you see, Odin charged Heimdall

with negligence of duty...

But he disappeared before the trial.

Hard to catch a guy

who can see everything in the universe.

Sure.

Hold on. I'm supposed to announce your arrival.

What the hell is that?

Man 1: Oh, brother. This is it.

I take my leave.

Man 2: You fool, you didn't listen!

Man 1: I'm sorry.

Lady sif, get help!

Somebody, help!

Man 1: Sorry for all I've done.

Shh. It's all right. Hold on.

I'm sorry I tried to rule earth.

They'd be lucky to have you.

I'm sorry about that thing with the tesseract.

- I just couldn't help myself. - I know.

I'm a trickster.

So mischievous.

Sorry about that time I turned you into a frog.

It was a wonderful joke.

'Twas indeed hilarious.

Man 2: You are the savior of asgard.

- Tell my story. - I will.

Build a statue for me.

We will build a big statue for you.

With my helmet on, with the big bendy horns.

I will tell father what you did here today.

I didn't do it for him.

I didn't do it for him.

And so, loki died of his wounds...

Giving his life for ours.

He fought back those disgusting elves...

He brought peace to the realm.

Loki, my boy...

'Twas many moons ago I found you

on that frostbitten battlefield.

On that day, I did not yet see in you...

Asgard's savior. No.

You were merely a little blue baby icicle...

That melted this old fool's heart.

Bravo! Bravo! Well done. Bravo.

Father.

Oh, shit.

Uh, my son, Thor, has returned!

Greetings, my boy.

It's an interesting play. What's it called?

The tragedy of loki of asgard.

The people wanted to commemorate him.

Thor: Ah, indeed they should.

I like the statue.

A lot better looking than he was when he was alive, though.

A little less weaselly, less greasy, maybe.

Do you know what this is?

The skull of surtur. That's a formidable weapon!

Do me a favor. Lock this away in a vault...

So it doesn't turn into a giant monster

and destroy the whole planet.

Thank you, dear. Um...

So it's back to midgard for you, is it?

Nope.

I've been having this reoccurring dream lately.

Every night, I see asgard fall into ruins.

Odin: That's just a silly dream...

Signs of an over active imagination.

Thor: Possibly.

But then I decide to go out there and investigate.

And what do I find,

but the nine realms completely in chaos.

Enemies of asgard assembling, plotting our demise...

All while you, Odin,

the protector of those nine realms...

Are sitting here in your bathrobe,

eating grapes.

Yes, it is best to respect our neighbors' freedom.

Yes, of course, the freedom to be massacred.

Yes, besides I've been rather busy myself.

Watching theater.

Board meetings, and security council meetings...

You're really gonna make me do it?

Do what?