Faking It

Previously on Faking It...

When is that six-month, no dating thing over?

Midnight New Year's Eve.

You want to grab coffee sometime?

I'd like that.

Liam!

You need to find a new temple.

- I missed us. - Me too.

Of course you dumped our plan to help Karma.

Karma and I are best friends.

- You and I are sisters. - Stop saying we're sisters.

I'm moving out.

Lauren's been giving me the coldest shoulder

ever since she moved out.

And it's already been arctic.

Ugh. What should I do?

Uh-huh.

So true.

Karma.

Stop eye-humping Liam.

That is not what I was doing.

Oh, yeah?

Then why are your party hats showing?

I rest my case.

I can't help it.

He's gorgeous.

And if my dad didn't have a heart attack,

we would probably be together.

Well, you're not gonna tell him that now, are you?

He's already dating someone new.

I know.

I just don't get it.

I know deep down the universe wants us to be together.

Well, then the universe is a real dick.

Karma, you're only craving Liam because you can't have him.

It's human nature.

Okay, there is some truth to that statement.

I learned this summer that a steamy make out session

with a hot stranger can do wonders.

It really re-boots the hard drive.

For as long as we've known each other,

you've been obsessed with having a boyfriend.

Maybe set your sights on something...

a little more casual this time?

Well, this weekend is the Haunted Hester party.

Supposedly, everyone who goes hooks up.

Even the chaperones.

Yeah, you can dress up as a slutty version

of something not slutty.

Oh, no.

I am only going if you come with me.

I don't care if you're saving yourself for Felix.

Saving myself?

Felix and I shared one kiss at prom,

and on our second date, he went to rehab.

It's like the start of a Shailene Woodley movie!

Yeah, and those always end really well.

No, trust me, I am a free agent.

And I am hooking up.

And so are you!

Great.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah.

Morning, muffin.

I brought you a morning muffin.

Lauren!

I'm sorry I screwed up our parent trap.

Clearly, I suck at balancing relationships,

but I'm trying to get better, and I'm not gonna let you

shut me out of your life.

We both know you're dying to show off your new apartment.

It's a condo,

and it's very much a work in progress.

Whoa.

Holy HGTV makeover.

I can't believe your dad's paying for all of this.

Perks of being a show pony.

Besides, now he has a place to stay when he comes to visit,

and I don't have to be inconvenienced

by his marital mistakes.

Okay, it might be a little harder to convince you

to move back in with us.

Save your breath.

I'm in high school with my own condo.

I'd say my aspirational lifestyle brand

just got a bit more aspirational.

Excuse me.

Lauren, how much starch would you like on this collar?

Full starch, thank you.

Also, I can't do my shift tonight.

My mom says I have to sleep at home

at least three nights a week.

It's times like this

I miss old Lisbeth.

"Shift"?

There's so much work to be done with my brand and such,

I need round-the-clock assistance.

Mm.

You're afraid to stay alone

in this apartment, aren't you?

- First, it's a condo! - Okay.

Second, I have a gun in my purse, so no.

Okay, just come to the Haunted Hester party

with us tonight. We can all hang out.

Thanks, but I'm live-tweeting my trick-or-treaters,

so if you'll excuse me, I'm on the clock for sundown.

Well, if you change your mind...

I won't. Thanks!

Look who's got his mojo back.

I was hoping your breakup with Rachel wouldn't get you down.

The opposite, actually.

She helped me see that I have zero business

being in a relationship.

So you're not tempted to get back with Karma?

You're both single now.

Did you hear anything I just said?

I did. But I'm just making sure.

As your friend, I don't want you getting back

on that emotional roller coaster.

I get nauseous just thinking about it.

Trust me, I'm with you.

All I'm looking for tonight is some no-strings-attached sex.

That's a pretty advanced maneuver for a high school girl.

Maybe you should be looking for a horny and bored housewife.

Can one of you boys zip me up?

Sure thing, Mrs. H.

Oh. Heh.

Yeah.

Just give it a good yank.

Oh.

Thank you.

- Ah. - Ah, there you go.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, this bunny's ready to chaperone your Halloween dance.

With a little help from my wine bra.

Here you go.

- Boo. - Oh!

Felix, hey.

Uh, any plans tonight?

I'm gonna eat obscene amounts of candy

and watch torture porn.

Oh, then you should probably start with "Saw,"

the movie that started the subgenre.

Nah, I'd argue that "Hostel" is what really

took it mainstream.

Huh, well, I'd argue that you were wrong

and I would win.

No, you'd just think you won

and then we'd watch it together

and you'd see I'm right.

- Oh I would, would I? - Mm-hmm.

Hm.

Um...

what about you, you got any plans?

Uh, Karma and I are going to the Haunted Hester party.

Oh. Kind of surprised.

I heard it's a big hookup fest.

Not that you can't...

I'm just going as Karma's wingwoman.

And also, I heard that they're supposed to have

an epic haunted house.

- So... - Well, then have fun.

Hope you don't get any nightmares.

Oh, trust me, I've watched so many horror movies

that nothing scares me.

Well, that kind of sounds like a challenge.

I think it sounds like a fact.

Bye.

We're here, we're single, and we look hot.

Yup.

- What now? - I'm not sure.

Allow me to explain the point

of this evening.

You grab somebody you think is cute, you drag them into

our legendary tunnel of terror, and if you survive,

you make out, high on the adrenaline rush.

I thought we were gonna die in there.

Oh, yeah, me too.

See? Another satisfied customer.

So stop being so picky, go get scared,

and suck some face.

Isn't that why you're both here?

Let's get to it.

Not so fast, Miss Ashcroft.

That costume is blatant

cultural appropriation.

I'm Cleopatra. I'm a historical figure.

A historical Egyptian figure.

Are you Egyptian, Karma?

- No. - I didn't think so.

Shame.

If you want to stay, you'll have to change into

one of several pre-approved costumes from the drama club.

What? Are you kidding me?

Have you heard of the First Amendment?

Nobody look at Karma's super offensive costume!

trick or treat.

Just one?

I mean, most people let us grab a handful.