Garfield Goes Hollywood

Hello folks, how do you do? Garfield here to entertain you.

Thank you for that large round of indifference.

Ladies and gentlemen, on the drums tonight,

an old and dear friend of mine, Mr. Skins.

I know you're out there, I can hear your breathing.

Two, three, four.

Impressions. Cat on a hot tin roof.

Thank you, Mom.

Okay, I know a dog who was so ugly, cars chased him.

Okay, no more dog jokes.

This cat is walking down the street when a big surly dog jumps out of the alley,

grabs the cat, and throws him against the wall.

He picks the cat up and says, your money or your nine lives.

Your money or your nine lives?

Nice touch.

I can see I got to warm things up here.

All your mothers wear armyboots.

More like it, now that I have your attention,

I'd like to move right to the big production number.

Mr. Skins, if you please.

I love show business. It's in my blood.

And my ears. Between my toes, up my nose.

Come on boys, the show's about to start.

Gee, isn't it great to be like a real family to enjoy something together?

Good evening and welcome to Pet Search.

The show that says no matter how insignificant you are,

your pet may be a star.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

If your pets have any talent at all,

bring them down to our studios at WBOR and enter them in Pet Search.

If your pet is determined by our audience

to be the most talented pet of the week, you will win $1.000.

$1.000?

That's right $1.000.

And that's not all, you will also earn the right

to go on to the national finals in Hollywood.

- I don't believe it. - Well, believe it.

But before we start tonight's competition,

let's have a brief look at last week's winner of Pet Search,

Mountain Man Dan and his dog, Blue.

I have a dog, his name is Blue.

He sings real good, he sings...

- We're better than that. - Gee, $1.000.

Ah, I wish you boys had some talent.

We could be on that show.

We're rich. We're famous.

We'll win the contest and take the show on the road.

You guys are fabulous.

I had no idea you could dance.

Shucks. That old number?

You should see us on the fence.

We'll need costumes, a routine.

We'll rehearse day and night.

Day and night? Forget it.

And we'll need some music.

We're in big trouble, Odie.

Jon's the worst.

We'll be laughed off the air.

The show is called Pet Search, not Dummy Search.

So this is show business. Pretty glamorous, huh guys?

How quaint.

A low tech studio in a high tech society.

And those other acts look pretty good, too.

Okay boys, remember what we rehearsed.

Let's get in to our costumes.

Where were you, Garfield?

Eliminating some competition.

Well hurry and get dressed, the show is about to begin.

Hey, you're on in five minutes.

- Don't be late. - Come on, guys.

Let's break a leg.

Ten seconds til air. Nine, Eight.

You stupid dog.

Get out of here.

Oh, if it wasn't, I'd break your arm!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to...

Come on, Garfield. It's about time to perform.

- I'm not going. - Hey!

We've worked too hard to have you back out now.

Tell you what, you and Odie go on without me.

Do a knife throwing act or something.

Garfield, now.

- This is embarrassing. - Okay.

- Are we going out there tonight? - Maybe.

Are we gonna give the performance of our lives?

Doubt it.

- Are we gonna win? - Not a chance.

- Alright, let's do it! - Let's not and say we did.

Okay, Petey.

Do a backflip. Roll over, Petey.

Sing Ma Laguinia, Petey. Petey?

Is there a doctor in the house?

And that was Grandma Fogerty and the amazing...

Petey.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our next act is called five tap dancing pigeons and Herbie.

Herbie, it can't be easy teaching pigeons to tap dance.

It's taken me 17 years.

It must take a lot of dedication.

These pigeons are my life, you know?

Well best of luck Herbie, the stage is yours.

I think we have it wrapped up, guys.

I haven't seen any competition so far.

And there's only one act after us.

With our luck, it'll probably be a dog who plays five instruments at the same time.

Our next act is a local group.

Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Bop and the Two Steps.

Johnny Bop and the Two Steps.

- You guys were great! - You were awful.

Now, one more act to go and we can collect our thousand dollars.

Our final act this evening is Bob the Wonder Dog.

He will play five, count them, five instruments simultaneously.

Bingo.

There seems to be a disqualification.

Well, those are all the acts.

So it's time to let the studio audience determine this week's winner.

May have I have all the contestants on stage, please.

This is it! Good luck, boys!

- Fernando and Flippy! - Boo.

Pierre and his talking parrot Chatter Box!

Boo.

Grandma Fogerty and the amazing Petey.

Boo.

Five tap dancing pigeons and Herbie.

Boo.

Johnny Bop and The Two Steps.

It looks as though we have our winners.

Johnny Bop and The Two Steps.

What a night.

We got a lot of money, we got a lot of money,

we got a lot, a lot of money,

and we're going to Hollywood.

Money, big deal.

A lot of good money does a cat.

And going to Hollywood sounds like a long car ride to me.

It's not enough that we made fools of ourselves on a local station.

Now we've won the right to do it in front of the whole country.

Oh, well.

Maybe things will work out,

maybe the Earth will shift and Hollywood will fall into the ocean.

Hurry up, boys, Hollywood is calling.

There it is, boys, Hollywood, California.

What do ya think?