The Big Bang Theory

How much time do we have?

Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes

To onset of meteor shower.

Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north,

118.31 west.

That means the azimuth

Should be...

168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north

With an elevation of 49.93.

Anything yet?

Uh, we have a signal, but there's no frame lock.

Ha. How about now? -We did it.

We have the west coast feed of HBO.

Ooh, Real Sex.

Big deal. Every time I watch that show

All right, let's see what's on the east coast feed.

Oh, hey. Dune.

Not a great movie,

But look at that beautiful desert.

Too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us.

Oh it's just not the same without him.

Oh, this sucks I'm switching back to Real Sex.

Sheldon's log. stardate 63345.3

While my colleagues are off

Observing the Leonid meteor shower,

I have remained behind to complete my paper

On the decays of highly excited massive string states.

Although my research is going well

I do miss the warmth of human companionship.

Hahaha.

And good evening to you, Siam Palace.

This is Sheldon Cooper.

Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening,

So I'll be reducing my usual order.

I'd like to start with one quarter

Of the assorted appetizers plate

And, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two.

Oh, for heaven's sake

In the mid-18th century,

King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire

Amongst the colonial powers of Europe

In order to preserve his throne.

Surely, you, his cultural desendant,

Can handle pad thai and dumplings.

Penny (screaming): Sheldon help!

I need to go-- but you keep in mind

That my sharply worded comments

Penny. Penny. Penny.

Come in! Hurry! (water running)

Penny?

I'm back here.

Penny. Penny. Penny.

Oh, for god's sakes, I'm in the bathroom!

Shall I come back at a better time?

Get in here! Hurry!

Don't you dare knock.

Hello.

I slipped in the shower,

And I think I dislocated my shoulder.

Not surprising.

You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers

To allow for purchase on a surface

With a low coefficient of static friction.

What?

Tubs are slippery.

I know. I slipped.

I have a series of whimsical duck stickers

On the bottom of my tub.

Yeah, okay, whatever.

Will you just turn the water off and help me up?

They're holding umbrellas.

what?

The ducks in my tub.

Uh-huh.

They're whimsical because ducks have neither the need for

Nor the ability to use umbrellas.

Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room.

Well, assuming you're correct that your right humerus

Is no longer seated in the glenoid socket,

I would certainly think so. Okay, can you drive me?

I don't drive.

Well, I can't drive!

Well, it seems we've reached an impasse.

Ow.

I could call you a cab or an ambulance. No, no, no.

I can't wait that long.

You got to help me, please.

All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper

Ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.

No one's saying that. Let's go.

Well, it does seem rather ironic

That for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks,

We both might die in a fiery car crash.

I wish Penny didn't for want didn't have to work.

She loves camping.

Yeah, that would have been great.

You and Penny having sex in the tent

While I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.

Okay, the best I can tell,

There are eight other campsites nearby.

Mostly science nerds like us,

But just over yon ridge are two

Not unattractive middle school teachers

Who reek of desperation.

Wow. Wonderful.

How old are they? Oh I don't know. 50, 55.

Oh, menopause.

Nature's birth control.

Come on.

You guys can't be that hard up.

I am. Yeah, me, too.

Look-- they gave me homeade cookies of course, they did.

That's what grandmothers do.

So, what are we waiting for?

: Relax.

I said we'd stop by a little later

After they have their nap.

Good idea.

They'll be refreshed.

Cookie?

Yeah. Thank you.

Not bad.

Yeah, very tasty.

Well, so tell me more about these teachers.

Not much to tell.

They had a VW Microbus

And were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts.

Huh.

Mmm.

Good cookies.

I see no organizational system in here whatsoever.

Which panties do you wear on mondays?

I don't need panties.

I just need shorts and a shirt.

My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants

In case one is in an accident.

One was already in an accident.

That doesn't mean one won't be in another,

Especially if I'm driving.

Clothes, Sheldon.

I need clothes! Okay.

Here.

Seriously? Those shorts with that top?

All right.

No.

No.

Oh, that's cute.

We should have you checked for a concussion.

okay.

Now, you got to help me put these on.

All right. But don't look.

Don't look? I don't want you to see me naked.

Oh.

Well, that's understandable.

You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking

Is well established in heroic mythology.

Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa,

Orpheus and Eurydi... Yeah, great.

They always look.

It never ends well.

Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve.

Ok.

Is that my arm?

It doesn't feel like an arm.

Then, maybe you should let it go.

All righty.

Stars are pretty, aren't they?

Up above the world so high,

Like little diamonds in the sky.

That's beautiful, dude.

You should... You should write that down

Before someone steals it.

-So, when do the meteors get here? -The meteors don't get here.

The earth is moving into their path.

I can feel it.

I can feel the earth moving.

It's moving too fast.

Raj, slow it down.

Okay, how's that?

Better. Thanks.

Stars are pretty, aren't they?

What's so funny?

It's your American accent.

Everything you say sounds stupid.

: "stars are pretty, aren't they?"

For the record, I should let you know

This is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle.

You have your learner's permit, right?

Yes, and I have logged

A considerable number of hours on a simulator.

-Good. -Didn't work out well.

All right, can we please go? One moment.

According to my driver's ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted

When a portion of the is driver's door handle

Is visible in the lower right corner.

There's the handle.

Oh, no, too far.

Bringing it back.

Optimized.

Now, where is the switch