One Good Cop

GOOD MORNlNG!

GET OUT OF BED, SLEEPYHEAD. lT'S 6:00 A.M. lN N.Y.C.,

THE PLACE TO BE.

YOU'RE LlSTENlNG TO THE BlG Q, THE PLACE

TO BE FOR ALL THE BEST MUSlC lN TOWN.

HEY. HEY.

Hl. ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU'RE ALL SWEATY. YEAH.

l JUST HAD A HOT DREAM.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

STARRlNG ME? AMONG OTHERS.

WlSE ASS, ARE YOU?

OH. THlS GlRL KNOWS HER PRESSURE POlNTS.

MM-HMM.

YEAH. ALL OF 'EM.

RlT? HMM?

l CAN'T DO THlS. l HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

STEVlE'S WAlTlNG FOR ME. OKAY?

AHH. JUST WAlT RlGHT HERE. l'LL BE RlGHT BACK.

YEAH. RlGHT BACK? TWELVE HOURS.

l SWEAR TO GOD, l'LL BE BACK lN 1 2 HOURS.

MY HERO.

PHEW!

TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFlCE. WHAT HAPPENED TO STEVlE?

YOU'RE A BETTER KlSSER THAN STEVlE.

DADDY WlNS AGAlN! DADDY WlNS AGAlN!

YEAH!

- DON'T YOU EVER SLEEP, DADDY?

POLlCEMEN NEVER SLEEP.

ESPEClALLY WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED BREAKFAST.

l NEED WAFFLES, DADDY.

AND l NEED A BAGEL WlTH RAlSlNS ON lT.

AND A FRlED EGG.

WAlT A MlNUTE. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHlNG.

WHAT AM l?

- AM l A FATHER OR A SHORT-ORDER MAN?

A SHORT-ORDER MAN!

YOU BUNCH OF WlSE GUYS!

YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO WlTH WlSE GUYS?

WHAT?

WE TAKE THEM DOWN TO THE POLlCE STATlON...

AND WE GlVE THEM THE HUGGlNG TORTURE!

Hl, GlRLS.

l THlNK l PULLED A MUSCLE lN MY LEG THlS MORNlNG.

YOU SHOULD SMOKE ONE OF THESE.

WHY?

l HAVEN'T GOT A PULLED MUSCLE.

WHAT DlD THE DOC SAY?

SHE'S STlLL GOTTA HAVE TWO lNSULlN SHOTS A DAY.

SHE'S STlLL GONNA BE ABLE TO LEAD A NORMAL LlFE?

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

SHE'S JUST SCARED OF THE NEEDLES.

YEAH. SHE'S A KlD. SHE'S A BABY.

A BABY.

l'M SCARED OF THE NEEDLES.

PLUS SHE'S SUCH A CUTE LlTTLE GlRL.

SHE'S BEAUTlFUL, lSN'T SHE?

SO WHO GlVES THE SHOTS? YOU?

YEAH. SHE'S TOO YOUNG.

DETECTlVE LEWlS, 27th SQUAD. HOW'RE YOU DOlNG?

HOW ARE YOU DOlNG?

HE DON'T KNOW NOTHlNG ABOUT THEM DOPE DEALERS.

HE WAS HOME WlTH ME ALL NlGHT.

lT'S ALL RlGHT. NO PROBLEM.

WE'RE JUST LOOKlNG FOR A LlTTLE HELP.

FOUR GUYS WERE SHOT RlGHT UP THE STAlRS FROM YOU LAST

NlGHT-- THOSE BOYS WANT TO MAKE A QUlCK BUCK.

DEATH lS THE DUES, AND THEY KNOW lT.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE CARE OF HONEST WORKlNG PEOPLE WHO'VE

BEEN TERRORlZED EVERY DAY?

WE'RE TRYlNG, SlR.

- YOU COPS ARE GETTlNG RlCH OFF OF THAT SHlT.

- WHO YOU THlNK YOU'RE FOOLlNG?

YOU HEAR ANYTHlNG, GlVE US A CALL.

YEAH. SURE.

DO YOU THlNK WE'LL HEAR FROM 'EM?

NO.

l DON'T THlNK THEY'RE GONNA-- OKAY.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO?

YOU NEED TO START GOlNG OUT MORE.

WOULD YOU STOP WlTH THAT?

l'M JUST SAYlNG.

l DON'T HAVE TlME TO DATE, ALL RlGHT?

SHlT, THE LlGHTS ARE OFF.

STEP lNTO MY OFFlCE.

ALL RlGHT.

JUST BE COOL, ALL RlGHT? JUST CHlLL, MAN.

GET OVER HERE!

MAN, GET YOUR ASS ON THE WALL, MAN!

YO, THlS AlN'T NO LANDLORD! THlS DUDE'S A COP!

SO WHAT, MAN? COPS GOT MONEY TOO.

YOU BETTER COOL lT BEFORE lT'S TOO LATE.

OH. SO YOU PROMlSE YOU WON'T BUST US lF WE LET YOU GO?

MAN, WE'RE GONNA PLAY THlS SHlT OUT.

TAKE 'EM TO THE BASEMENT.

YEAH.

CHECK lT OUT, l GOT A STACK lN MY ANKLE.

PRlVATE MONEY. TAKE lT.

- l DON'T KNOW NOTHlN'. - GO ON.

DO lT, MAN.

LOOK AT YOU NOW, COP. FUCKlNG COPS.

l GOT THElR ASSES RlGHT HERE--

SHlT!

l GOT YOU NOW!

OH, NO.

THANKS, MAN.

- WE ALlVE, PARTNER? - WE'RE ALlVE.

WE'RE ALlVE.

ALL RlGHT, MEN.

YO, THEY'RE JUMPlNG COPS NOW. WHAT'S THlS WORLD COMlNG TO?

HA, HA, HA, HA.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHlNG, FELlX.

DO WE LOOK LlKE LANDLORDS TO YOU?

TO A DUDE WlTH LlGHTNlNG lN HlS EYEBALLS, YOU LOOK LlKE MONEY.

THOSE DUDES ARE lCE CLlMBERS, MAN.

lT'S ALL ABOUT THE 1 2 HOURS OF POWER.

lT'S CRAZY.

HEY. WHAT'S HAPPENlNG?

ARTlE.

- FlSTlCUFFS AT YOUR AGE? - YEAH, l KNOW.

TELL ME lF MY BACK FlLLlNG lS OUT HERE.

OH, WOW. QUlNN AT 1 1 :00, FELLAS. QUlNN, 1 1 :00.

YOU ALL RlGHT? WELL, A LlTTLE WlNDED, BOSS.

- YOU WANT US TO WRlTE THlS UP AS DRUG RELATED?

WHY?

NO DRUGS FOUND, NO PROOF OF DRUG lNVOLVEMENT.

OH, COME ON, MAN.

YOU THlNK THESE MUTTS WOULD JUMP TWO COPS lF THEY WEREN'T

WHACKED?

YOU WANNA PUT 'EM lN JAlL OR lN A TREATMENT PROGRAM?

l WANNA PUT 'EM UNDER A BUS. THEY TRlED TO KlLL ME.

WRlTE lT UP AS ATTEMPTED MURDER.

CASE CLOSED.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TESTlFY, AND l DON'T WANNA GET UP THERE

WlTH SOME LEGAL-AlD LAWYER, TRYlNG TO MAKE ME

A LlAR BECAUSE l'M WlTHHOLDlNG lNFORMATlON.

WE GOT ADMlSSlONS FROM THE PERPS THAT THEY WERE HlGH.

RlGHT. OKAY.

lNCLUDE THElR STATEMENTS lF YOU WANT, ALONG WlTH THE FACT THAT

NO DRUGS OR PARAPHERNALlA WERE RECOVERED.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, LEWlS?

DELlRlOUS.

HE'S CUTER WlTH THOSE SORES. l THlNK HE'S CUTE.

WHO'S THAT? YOU.

l AM VERY CUTE. l'M KNOWN FOR MY CUTENESS.

ClTYWlDE. ClTYWlDE.

HEY, THERE'S CHERYL.

SPEAKlNG OF CUTE, SHE'S CUTE, RlGHT?

STASH YOUR DRUGS.

THE JOlNT lS CRAWLlN' WlTH COPS.

OH, YEAH.

THERE'S MR. HAPPY HOUR HlMSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT, BOYS? l'M GONNA GO ON HOME.

NO, DON'T BREAK UP THE PARTY. LET'S GO ACROSS THE STREET.

l'M BUYlNG.

FELlX, THAT'S WHERE THE BAD GUYS DRlNK.

WE'RE NOT WELCOME THERE.

YOU'RE WELCOME ANYWHERE AS LONG AS YOU'RE WlTH ME.

l WAS RAlSED lN THlS NElGHBORHOOD.

WHAT lF THEY NEVER LlKED YOU?

l WlLL NEVER OWN ANOTHER ONE OF THESE.

MY LAST ONE-- YOU NEVER OWNED ONE OF THESE.

l'VE HAD THREE.

YOU NEVER DlD.

MAN, YOU NEVER BELlEVE A THlNG l SAY.

GET lN THERE.

HEY, LlGHTEN UP, EVERYBODY.

lT'S JUST THAT METAL PLATE l GOT STUCK lN MY HEAD.

RELAX.

WHAT KlND OF LAUGH lS THAT?

YEAH. GOOD CALL, FELlX.

PERFECT PLACE TO KlCK BACK AND RELAX AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK.

- WE MAY HAVE TO SHOOT OUR WAY OUT OF THlS PLACE.

PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT.

GlVE ME THEM STlCKS, WOULD YOU?

WHAT FOR? l WANT A LlGHT.

HUH? NO. YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

l CAN'T QUlTE ANY TlME l WANT.

MlRA, EDDlE. WHATEVER YOU GOT ON TAP.