Mike & Molly

Previously on Mike & Molly:

What about just having a traditional church wedding?

Mike's mom would love it if we got married in a church,

so we won't be doing that.

I just need to confirm a couple of things.

Your commitment to the Church

and that you're planning on raising your children Catholic.

Can't guarantee what path they're going to take,

or that they'll go to church every Sunday.

How the hell did you lose the church?

Did you take a whore bath in the holy water?

I know it's kind of cliché, but I was thinking

honeymooning in Paris could be really romantic.

Paris, France?

So what's the problem, you afraid of flying?

No. But when I'm traveling,

I like knowing that if there's trouble,

I can jump out of a window without plummeting to my death.

Looks like we might need to let this out just a smidge.

No, you won't.

I am just a few pounds from my target weight,

and when I set a goal for myself, I-I reach it.

Two and a half miles.

Pretty good. Tomorrow we'll go for three.

Move up and down and lift with your core.

Stop. stop.

Son of a bitch!

You don't have to squeeze into

some wedding dress to look perfect to me.

You're already the most beautiful woman in the world.

I love you. I love you, too.

I promise to cherish every moment with you.

Molly Flynn, I love you

and every moment of my life has meaning because I do.

And by the power vested in me,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Okay.

Oh, for the love of God.

Mike! Little help in here!

Come on.

Damn it.

What is in here?

Ah...

Son of a bitch is smuggling cheese

and settin' me up to take the fall.

(Mike singing the French national anthem in gibberish)

Smuggling perishables is a crime,

and you're a police officer, and you should know that.

The real crime is you can't get this kind of fromage

back in the States.

This is the best I've ever tasted

and I have been to Cheddar Fest in Wisconsin.

Yeah, I know, you brought me back a T-shirt

that said, "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

I'm puttin' them in your bag.

Fine, just be careful of the ham.

I knew I smelled ham.

Come on,

get up and help me finish packing.

Oh, you Americans, always hustling and bustling.

You need to learn to carpe a little more diem.

Yeah, you need to get your derriere out of that chair,

and get your traveling duds on.

And shave off that hideous mustache.

What? You want me to get rid of my French tickler?

Oui.

But this is who I am now.

: A bon vivant world traveler.

Paris Mike.

Fine, but if I have to keep kissing that cookie duster,

I'm going full on French, legs and armpits.

: Sacre bleu.

All right, fine, it's gone.

: But, uh, perhaps one last tickle

before we say au revoir to our little fuzzy friend?

What are you talking about, like a quick kiss good-bye

or skirt over the head kind of thing?

: Let us start with a kiss...

and see...

where the winds... of love blow us.

Okay, you got six minutes, Paris Mike.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let's do it on top of the suitcase...

that'll get that bastard shut.

But, of course, mon cheri.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry!

Sorry.

Mike, will you give me a hand with the bags?

It's first class.

I dropped mine off with the concierge.

Yeah, and he gave them to me so he could fly the plane.

Oh. My bad.

He didn't have his hat on.

Just help me.

Absolutely.

You enjoy the complimentary "cham-pan-ya"

and I will handle "le loo-gaj."

Un.

Deux.

Trois.

Four.

Voilà.

Now we can sit back and enjoy the luxuries

of traveling first class.

Damn right.

I used up all of my frequent flyer miles on this upgrade,

I ain't going to miss a fresh baked cookie,

hot towel or warm nut.

Yeah, we'll sleep in shifts so nothin' gets past us.

That kind of can-do thinkin' is why I married you.

By the way, wife, Mmm.

I really want to thank you for a beautiful honeymoon.

Right back at ya, husband.

But we got to make promise

that once the wheels touch down in Chicago,

we are back on our diet.

No question. Maybe in a couple of months

we'll fit in our wedding rings again.

I can't believe in eight short hours

we'll be home and back to our lives.

Oh, crap, that reminds me, I forgot to buy Carl a gift.

Does he like cheese?

Hey, this blanket says "France""

Stuff that in your purse.

Just out of curiosity,

is this the longest you two guys have ever been apart?

Yeah, he gets a little lost without me.

It's understandable, I am kind of his hero.

Sure.

Man, that was some impressive police work back there.

The way you apprehended that perp,

it could've gotten real ugly.

Well, the boy was sorry,

and he did give the Silly Putty back to the cashier.

You showed a lot of restraint.

11-year-old punk calls me a butthole,

you're gonna see it on the 6:00 news.

Just doing my job.

You're too modest.

You are, without a doubt, the finest police officer

I've ever had the pleasure of working with.

Well, I'm sure your partner's no slouch.

He ain't nothing but a slouch.

Gone for two weeks, and not one word.

I even put a prepaid phone card inside a Hershey bar,

so I know he found it.

Well, you got to cut him a little slack... it is his honeymoon.

Which he wouldn't be on if it wasn't for me.

I was the Cupid that made that relationship happen.

And it took about a dozen arrows.

Like taking down Moby-Dick with thumbtacks.

The guy in that Saturn's driving a little erratically.

I'm gonna run his plates.

Listen to you!

You're "gonna run his plates." (laughs)

You are the real deal, Officer.

Damn fine cop.

You'd call me from your honeymoon, wouldn't you?

: Excuse me. Excuse me.

Could I have some more warm nuts?

Absolutely. And, uh,

I-I noticed that the guy across the aisle

slept through his cookie.

Is that... is that up for grabs?

I'll see what I can do.

Believe it or not, I've never flown

first class before.

But between you and me, I am hooked.

I'll be back with zee warm nuts.

And-and the cookie.

: Don't forget that cookie.

God, I love first class!

It's like a fancy restaurant where you can sleep.

Well, somebody looks mighty cute in his complimentary jammies.

Can you believe it? One size really does fit all.

Boy, I hate leaving France.

Oh, me, too.

Quaint little shops, the architecture,

the museums...

And how about the bidet? Right?!

I mean, the best invention ever.

It's so much more civilized.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna go back to using toilet paper.

Well, just for the record, you are.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying,

it's the difference between a babbling brook and a pinecone.

True.

I mean, there's a reason you soak the plates before you wipe 'em.

All right.

Good talk.

Wow, the honeymoon is really over.

It was like a dream.

Now it's back to the old grind.

Well, I'm not looking forward to going back, either.

Mom and Victoria without adult supervision for two weeks?