Expecting (Gus)

- Babe. - Mmm.

Lizzie. Mmm.

No. Mmm. Come on, please.

- Mmm. - I'm tired, Peter.

Baby, come on, just one.

Peter.

Please.

It's never not funny.

- You really like it. - I love it.

- Mmm. Love you. - Mmm.

Oh, yeah. Mmm.

Joyce, off the bed.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Hey.

He stole my fucking watch.

It's too late to be calling, Andie. What?

The guy that I met at the Hairy Lemon. We had sex,

he stole my watch, which cost more than his fucking car.

Um, I think I have your watch.

What?

You left it here when you went to the beach.

Oh.

No. No, fuck it, it's my Dad's. I don't give a shit.

- I'll talk to you tomorrow. - No. Wait.

Can I come over? Still feels like this guy stole the watch.

Hey, dog.

Didn't realize you'd stayed over last night.

Hmm. I should just rent out a room from you guys.

Ha.

Hey, you want a muffin?

I got the gross zucchini kind you like.

You know, I had a friend who went through eight rounds of IVF

before she got pregnant.

Okay, maybe it wasn't eight. It was more like two.

What are you talking about?

We should probably get going.

I don't want you to be late for therapy.

Therapy. I can't believe you're in therapy.

I just don't understand why you have to tell her everything.

I don't tell her everything.

Well, she knows we're doing another round of IVF,

which, by the way, was news to me.

I mean, how are we even gonna pay for it?

We couldn't afford it the last three times.

Well, I could do some more tutoring.

That barely covers groceries.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You know, you don't have to drive such an expensive car, Peter.

Well, I have an image to present to my clients.

Okay.

I have said from the start that I would always be straight with you both.

And I'm willing to stroke the shaft,

but I'm not gonna cradle the balls.

Because, the thing is, this is, um...

This is boring.

Yeah. Really, I've been watching the two of you.

You're drowning in the sea of boring bullshit,

and I am choking on the fumes.

I mean, you have been coming in here, I don't know, maybe,

well, over a year,

and I don't think any of us have really said anything.

It's like we're talking about the weather every week.

News flash, it's LA. It's always sunny. Nobody gives a fuck.

So, let's focus on something else.

Thank you, Dr. Grayson, thank you.

Previous owner was a professor of botany, and he...

You can tell he took care of his garden, and rightfully so,

considering the beautiful vista.

You would probably spend a lot of time back here.

Now this... No, you don't want to get wet?

Hi. This house just went on the market, and considering its beauty,

it is probably gonna go pretty fast.

Where's the pool?

I'm sorry?

This isn't a pool. It's a fucking petri dish.

Hey, Pete! Don't sweat it.

I know you'll bring the magic next time.

Ciao, bella.

Douche bag.

Okay, so let's try, "He knows her".

Il la connait.

Tres bien, monsieur.

That's great.

Let's beach it up, bitch.

I'm just finishing up here with Justin.

Admit it, you're totally pulling a Mary Kay Letourneau. Could you shut up?

What? I want to meet him. Can I meet him? Shh!

Joyce!

Get it away. Just ignore her. Joyce, Joyce.

Justin, this is my friend, Andie.

Andie? Hey!

Hey.

Andie, you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be right out.

Hey.

Do you think maybe you've got food poisoning?

No.

Are you warm enough? Yeah.

I'm sorry, Lizzie.

What?

Why?

Because,

this is just so unfair.

Hey. It's gonna be all right.

We're gonna figure this out.

So, who's the guy? Someone she met on the internet?

No, it's just somebody she met in a bar.

Jesus.

So, what's she gonna do?

Well, she doesn't know.

Come to bed.

I told my father.

What'd he say?

He said he'd support me whatever I decided.

And then he needed to go play golf.

You know, I really don't want to have a baby,

but to get rid of it at my age seems a little gauche.

Well, you don't have to tell anyone.

No one would have to know. You'd know.

Here you are. Four sugars. Mmm-hmm.

Ah, sure you don't want anything to eat?

We've got an hour. No, coffee's fine.

So, how's your new roommate?

He sucks.

Talks too much in group. He's got a goiter.

Goiter?

Is that a thyroid issue?

He's got this huge fucking bulge right here.

And he likes to fondle it, so it looks like he's jerking off his neck.

Wow.

So, you need me to bring you anything? No, thanks.

Okay.

All right, well.

Take it easy.

Yeah, you too, bro.

Don't call me "bro".

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I was just, uh, thinking of, uh,

starting dinner.

Hey.

I want you to have it.

Have what?

The beast growing inside me.

Andie.

Look, I know this sounds crazy... Yeah.

It does.

Just listen, okay?

I made an appointment at the clinic,

but I couldn't go through with it.

Not when I know how much you want this.

I can do this for you.

And I want to.

Just think about it.

I,

I don't know what to say.

Say "yes".

Yes.

I'm sorry, she wants to just give us her child?

I know it sounds a little unconventional...

No, it doesn't, no, no. People give each other children all the time.

If anything is passe at this point...

Mmm. You didn't get the tiramisu?

What about the father? Shouldn't he have a say in this?

She doesn't know how to get in touch with him.

She doesn't even know his last name.

Of course.

Why can't we at least explore this?

Joyce! Well, because it's not an expedition.

We're not fucking pioneers.

I can't even believe we're talking about it.

You know what? It's an insane idea.

- Joyce! There she is. - She's here.

Come here, girl, come on.

Jesus! She shit on the floor again.

Oh, God, it's 'cause she's been stuck in the house all day.

Yeah, well, she needs to be trained properly.

Come on.

What if he doesn't come around?

Oh, he'll be fine.

He just needs a little time to get used to the idea.

So, I'm gonna see you later, right?

If you're lucky.

Happy Birthday. Piss off.

Where did it go? I don't know.

Whoo!

Yeah! Whoo! Whoo!

Hey, um, I'm gonna, um

give you your present now. Whoo!

Ooh, I am so excited!

Oh, my God!

I was trying to finish it on time.

I'm sorry, come again? I made it.

You made it?

Yeah.

That is disgusting!

Yeah, yeah, being unemployed has its benefits.

Look at this! It's fucking cable knit, people!

Like, Jesus, is there anything you can't do?