South Park

# I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor #

# Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine #

All right, everyone.

Welcome to The Dolphin Encounter

here at the Denver Aquarium.

My name is Chad, and I'll be your guide and trainer

as you meet these intelligent and truly magical creatures.

And here they come.

This is Trigger and Dolly. There's Bubbles.

- Wow! Cool!

- Pretty neat birthday, huh, Stan?

- Yeah, this is gonna be awesome!

- If they come near you, you can touch their backs.

Just no grabbing please.

What whimsical creatures, aren't they?

All the dolphins you will be encountering today

are Atlantic bottlenose dolphins.

Now who would like to get a kiss from one?

- I would like-- - Me, me, me!

I want to kiss it! I want to kiss it!

Uh, all right.

Let's just get you to put your hands palms-down in the water.

What the hell is that?

- Oh, no. It's the Japanese!

Fuck you, dolphin!

Fuck you, dolphin!

- These are our favorite animals here at the Atlanta Zoo.

It's Dolly and Seamore.

They're Beluga whales.

These whales live mostly in the Arctic--

Fuck you, whale!

All right, Jessica.

Now put your arms out like this.

Great job, Jessica.

Fuck you, whale!

Hey, pal.

Sorry your birthday got a little ruined by the Japanese.

Dad, why did they do that?

- Well, Stan, the Japanese just...

don't really like dolphins very much.

Certainly not as much as us normal people do.

But, hey, at least you still got your t-shirt.

And you'll always have your neat picture.

- Dan Dierdorf here welcoming you

to this great football matchup

between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Miami Dolphins.

We're all set for kickoff and--

- Oh, and, Dan, it looks like Japanese people

are now rushing onto the field.

This is not the kind of thing

you want happening during kickoff.

Fuck you, dolphin!

- Several whales and dolphins were again slaughtered

by the Japanese today.

This time at the Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

near San Francisco.

Aquariums had been experimenting

with methods to keep the Japanese out,

but so far, nothing seems to stop them.

When asked if all of Japan supported

the slaughtering of whales and dolphins,

the current Prime Minister of Japan,

Yukio Hatoyama, had this to say.

Fuck you, whale!

And fuck you, dolphin!

- # Can't read my can't read my #

# No he can't read my #

# Poker face #

# She's got to love nobody #

# Can't read my can't read my #

# No he can't read my #

# Poker face #

# She's got to love nobody #

# P-p-p-poker face #

# P-p-poker face #

# M-m-m-my #

# P-p-p-poker face #

# P-p-poker face # - you guys.

Guys! - # M-m-m-my #

- Look, I really think it's time for us to do something.

This is all getting way out of hand.

- What do you mean? This song is sweet.

No, not the song.

I'm talking about the Japanese

killing whales and dolphins.

- Dude, they've been doing that for a long time.

- So? Dude, don't you guys care?

We have to do something!

What are we gonna do, Stan?

It's not like we can change the way an entire country thinks.

I don't like it, but it's just the way they are.

- It seems like everyone has an attitude of,

"That's just the way they are," or "that's just the way it is."

Nobody likes it, but everybody's too busy

to do anything about it.

I'm not too busy, Stan.

You're not?

No.

I just don't care at all.

- Yeah, me neither. - Kenny?

You don't care about whales and dolphins being slaughtered?

- Stan, me and Kenny don't give two shits

about stupid-ass whales!

- You know, when all the whales and dolphins

of the world are gone, people are gonna wish

that at some point they'd taken a little time

to care just a little God damn bit!

# I wanna roll with him #

# A hard pair we will be #

# I don't give a crap 'bout whales #

# So go and hug a tree #

Hey, Stan.

I heard you're looking for people who care

about the Japanese slaughtering whales.

- Yeah! Butters, do you want to help?

- No, no, no, no. I got stuff to do.

But I wanted to tell you there's these fellers on tv.

They go out in the ocean and try to stop the Japanese

wherever they are.

Really?

People who are doing something?

- I watch their show all the time,

and they take volunteers.

Then that's where I belong.

# The world is a vampire #

# Sent to drain #

Yeah, we're badass.

# Despite all my rage #

Any means necessary.

- # I am still just a rat in a cage #

We're not protesters.

We're pirates.

- That's definitely a Japanese boat.

Looks like they're whaling now.

Fuck you, whale!

Oh, my god!

They're gonna kill those humpbacks.

We got to do something.

- Pull up next to them. The fight is on.

Sweet!

Are we ready to do this?

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Yeah! Hell yeah! Let's do it!

- Are we badasses? All: Yeah!

Are we badasses?

All: Yeah!

All right, so...

What do we do?

Wait. I know.

How about we go on their ship and then beat ourselves up?

And then we can tell the media they did it.

Great idea, captain.

I'll start right now.

Oh, my god.

Luke's been hurt trying to save whales.

Wait, wait, wait.

I've got a better idea.

How about I pretend to be shot?

Then we can tell the media the Japanese shot me

and start an international crisis.

Whoa, wait, wait.

We don't want to just lie about stuff.

Why not?

- Well, 'cause then we're just douchebags, dude.

Come on. They're right here.

Let's get hard-core.

- You know what? He's right.

It's time to bring out the big guns.

You guys ready? Ready?

And throw the stinky butter at them!

- Ha-ha! You stink now!

Ha-ha!

- Wait. That's it?

Yeah, we make 'em stink.

Ha-ha! Your boat is stinky!

Here. Throw one.

- Those guys are always covered in dolphin and whale guts.

They don't care if they stink.

Come on. Let's break their boat.

- Well, no. That'd be illegal.

Yeah.

- I thought you guys were pirates in a war.

I'm a pirate in a war.

- Pirates don't worry about the law!

You guys said you were badasses!

We are.

People think our methods are extreme,

but we'll keep making their boat stink

as long as they're killing whales and dolphins.

- The Japanese are scared of how hard-core we are.

Paul!

- Paul? - What do we do?

- We don't have a captain. - Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Maybe he's okay.

Oh, my god.