The L Word - Fifth Season

Remember our plan if we ever get outta here.

Rolling.

Jorinda Garber, reading for the part of Jessie.

Jessie, I'm in love with you.

Vipers don't love, Karina. They poison.

I still feel your venom cursing through my veins.

You used me as a pon in your twisted relationship.

How many girls have you and Frances destroyed

to tell your... sordid stories to each other as a foul play?

- You don't understand. - I understand.

I understand enough to know that I despise you.

You're the only that I've ever felt this way about.

Liar! Fucking liar!

Liar! You're a fucking liar!

No, Karina, I absolutely... I hate you so much, Karina.

I absolutely hate you. I really...

I can't! I...

Really, I love you.

I love you, I love you.

Cut!

This was great, Niki.

How many girls have you and Frances fucked

in order to tell sordid stories to each other, part of some fucking foul play!

You're really fucked up, you know that?

That was awesome!

That was totally amazing. I loved it.

- Good job! - Alright, Kit.

Switch up for a second. I want to show you.

When you drop down on your two legs, Use your fallforce.

- I don't wanna go to SheBar. - Why?

'Cause I'm not interested in

L.A.'s first super-hot, girls-only club,

- straight out of Miami. - It'll be fun.

- No, it's gonna be boring. - I heard they sank a lot of money into it.

Are you gonna go, Shane?

- I don't know. I haven't decided yet. - Oh, come on!

When's the last time you missed a club opening?

- It's gonna be torture for her. - I never said that.

I just said I haven't decided yet,

- and that's all. - How could you not be going, Alice?

Oh, 'cause Tasha can't be out at a lezzy bar,

and I got invited to a Barry Bird party, with a guest.

The entertainment lawyer?

You know, he's famous for those velvet,

like mafia underground type parties for all the closet in Hollywood homos.

And it's fascinating, because, before you go to a party,

you have to sign an anonymous closure form. It's crazy.

- Alright. - Nice work!

Everyone gets a partner and some pads.

We're gonna learn how to face each other and go over some punching technics.

Why don't you wanna go?

I've never been to one of the L.A. lesbian clubs before

except for the Planet on thursday nights.

That's my point. I just, I don't wanna go to a bar that's,

you know, in direct competition with my sister.

But it's not a competition. I mean, there's enough room for everybody

and besides, it's so important to support women's businesses.

It's just like it's so important that you guys are here supporting me today!

We're here because we love you.

And because we were so freaked out about the robbery.

Alright everyone. Okay, right foot back, left foot forward.

Left hands up, okay? Protect your face.

When you are ready, you're gonna scream and defend, "No!".

- You're okay? You're okay? - Yeah.

Here we go!

Who owns the SheBar anyway, you guys?

It's those girls from Miami, you know, they're a couple.

Dawn Denbo, Cindy something-or-other. They're, like, infamous party girls.

Hey, Shane. Don't you think she's hot? The trainer?

She's got the abs, she's got the ass...

No, I don't.

- "No", right, no? - Okay!

So, I think that the bar, it's gonna be crazy,

'cause all the lesbians in Hollywood

wanna be in the movie.

I won't worry about it too much, Jenny.

Fuck off!

My agents are like, you should wear a tee-shirt

that says: "Sorry, Nathalie Portman has the job".

Natalie passed. We're going with Niki Stevens.

No, you're not!

- Why didn't you tell me? - It happened late last night.

Let's switch up, switch up, okay? Other persons have the pads.

Tina, are you gonna go to SheBar?

Yeah, I think so.

I thought you're gonna meet Brenda there?

Who's Brenda?

Just this girl I went out with last week.

She's a heart surgeon, she's hot, talks dirty in bed.

Dirty talking? Nice. You slept with her on the first date?

Yeah, I did, actually.

Now you're gonna go to SheBar with her?

I don't know; she's going anyway.

I just thought I'd meet her there,

since we're both going.

She's hot. I like her.

- What the fuck, Bette?! - I'm sorry. I'm just playing.

Alright everyone, let's stop with the pads training.

- Shane? - Yeah?

Can I use you for a second?

Yeah.

Teacher's going.

Someone's in trouble.

Pads over. Alright. Just wanna use you for a demo over here.

Come on, over. Behind me. Tight and closed.

All the way in, all the way in.

I don't know, I think we should sign Angelica up for self-defence class.

Let's just wait til she gets out of the stroller first.

Grab the wrist, twist over, punching into the nose,

- knee into the groin. - Summer,

what if this motherfucker has a gun?

If they have a gun, you do what they say. Okay?

But if you have a chance to run, you do it.

Run to safety.

Let's partners up and try this, okay?

You've gotta learn these skills.

Okay. One person behind, the other person's gonna come here front.

You're holding her nice and tight. Okay? Grip, grip. Nice and tight, okay?

Behind, nice and tight. Grip her.

You're the attacker. I'm sure you can hold tighter than that.

Ok, persons in front, what they're gonna do

- is... - I think Summer likes you.

Would you please shut the fucking up?

- God, frickin' mouth. - Has anyone seen Shane's vagina?

- 'Cause I think she dropped it somewhere. - Okay, one, two, three, scream "No!".

You have 17 messages already.

Oh, that's nothing. I mean, Alice gets, like, 50 in the first hour that she posts.

What are they saying?

What?

Nothing. Just some ignorant jerk.

Read it to me.

"This is a lesbian space. I don't really need to know

that Max Sweeney thinks of his large click as a big dick

and his freaked girlfriend likes to squeeze his tits

and that's why he didn't get top surgery".

I guess that's why we post in here, right?

To educate people like that, right?

Whatever.

- Hey, Alice. - Max, you invaded my space

to put out your own agenda, and it wasn't cool at all.

But, here's what I'll do. You can blog once a week,

I'll put you in your own little box with the homepage,

- with the guestbians. - Why not with the guestbians?

Because it's a lesbian site, Max.

And I just don't want to get bombarded with a bunch of dykes, you know,

flipping out about this transgender thing.

You can't segregate trans people out of the lesbian community. I mean...

No, I'm not saying that, you know,

lesbians and transgenders can't share the same space. I'm just saying...

Good afternoon, m'am. We're looking for an Alice Pieszecki.

I gotta go. I'm Alice Pieszecki.

I'm Major Dorell, this is Lieutenant Finarti.

We'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.

Did something happen to Tasha?

- You're a friend of Captain Williams? - Yeah.

Could we talk inside for a minute?

It'll just take a few minutes.

Yeah. Sure.

Why are you here? What's this about?

We just want to ask you a few questions, M'am. It's not...

What's your relationship with Captain Williams?

We're friends. You didn't answer my question.

What's "Velvetpark"?

It's a magazine.

Did you wanna answer my question?

"Dyke culture in bloom"?

"Gay L.A.".

SheBar,

you're going, Fin?

Uh, no.

- I assume you... - You know what?

You don't have a search warrant, so

- I'd like you to leave. - Oh, don't worry, Miss Pieszecki.

I can call you "Miss", right? You're not married or anything.

So...

what is this?

Nothing. Just...

Wait a minute. I know what it is.

It's like of a low tech version of what you have on your lesbian website.

- Is Captain Williams on it? - No.

Who is "T"? Someone who didn't want her name on it?

You should go. Now. I think you should go.

Come on, Darell.

Well, thanks for your time, M'am.

I hope we didn't disturb you too much.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

And then he put the gun on his head and he pulled the trigger.

- He had a gun? - Turned out to be soap stone.

He cut it himself. But it looked totally 100% real.

It sounds like a very disturbing piece of art.

It wasn't art, Dean Porter.

Everyone in the room was traumatized by it.

You know, sometimes, some people are pretty upset about your work.

Sometimes that's what art seeks to do.

Standing in front of a class and threatening to blow your brain out

isn't what art seeks to do. It was self-inflicted terrorrism.

I'm gonna look into it.

Don't blow me off, Dean Porter.

I'm not blowing you off, Lani.