The Last Temptation of the Belgians (La dernière tentation des belges)

This is the story of a father,

a cultural animator in a working-class community,

and his daughter, Marie.

-The storyteller. -Singer.

This is the story of a father and daughter.

They are on the edge of a cliff.

She wants to jump, and he wants to hold her back at all costs.

What's he going to do?

He'll tell her some interesting stories.

Why don't you tell me about yourself?

A JAN BUCQUOY FILM

First of all, I must tell you that I am a strong advocate

of the right to suicide. It makes sense.

No one asked to come into this world,

at least not me. Therefore,

we have every right to leave it.

Except my daughter, of course.

Dad...

Yes?

What's going on with you?

Do you have a sudden paternal urge?

You missed my last ten birthdays.

And now you're waking up? What do you want?

For starters, you could change the music, Dad.

It's like watching a TF1 commercial.

I'm not planning to buy a car.

Let me put something else on.

Is that better?

Yeah, I guess so.

We'll see.

So, Dad, you really think I won't jump?

I know you've always believed in fairy tales, but this...

Plus, I know you.

-Your story will be boring. -No.

-It will be cheesy. -No, it won't.

You're wrong.

There'll be suspense, action, sex,

and lots of laughs.

THE LAST TEMPTATION OF THE BELGIANS

How can you spot a Belgian at the airport?

He's the one giving bread to airplanes.

And how can you spot a Belgian plane at the airport?

It's the one eating the bread.

How did you meet Mom?

Your mom loved comedy.

The Dardenne brothers are so funny...

Right? Yes.

...that one day, they were dressed up as scarecrows in a wheat field,

and the birds brought back the seeds.

Oh my...

We have a Dardenne brother's wife. How lucky!

Good evening, ma'am.

-What's going on? -I love their work.

They manage to make reality absurd, cruel and poetic.

The Dardennes are legends. Like Tintin, you can't touch them.

Yes, that's very interesting.

Maybe we can talk about that later, at the bar?

Did you and Mom fall in love at first sight?

It was a bit like Beauty and the Beast, wasn't it?

Oh! It was a beautiful romance at first.

With your mom, it was the South, Louisiana, Italy,

And always summer...

I never understood your relationship. It couldn't have worked.

Mom was graceful and gentle.

She was a sensitive girl,

while you're a primitive Fleming.

Your mom was too beautiful for me.

Your mother and I agreed on just about everything.

Really? That's not what she told me.

Fred's a jerk.

Excuse me.

He's a genius, OK?

I'd be uncompromising too.

You're a charlatan.

Everything is about sex with him.

He mistakes his own fantasies for science.

He sees women as half-men, black territory.

"Genius"?

More like misogynist.

He was the first to talk about the female orgasm, wasn't he?

He said women's only contribution to civilization

was weaving underwear

to mask the absence of a penis.

He freed men

from the yoke of religion, and that's not easy.

He's a great...

He's like Copernicus,

Mars and Darwin,

he's great.

Did you have sex right away?

Your dad is very fertile, you know.

All it took was a drink from my glass

and she was pregnant.

Pregnant on the first try.

Mom...

She was naive.

Didn't you have a condom?

Were you drunk?

We both were.

And did the delivery go well?

Uh... I guess so.

What?

You weren't even there?

Eurydice.

Nathalie.

Athena.

Brigitte.

Brigitte, if you like.

No, Bardot.

The nurse's name is Marie-Antoinette.

Marie-Antoinette?

That's the Queen of France who was beheaded.

The royal?

No.

No way.

No. One of the two names.

No.

Actually,

I'd have preferred Antoinette.

VOTE FOR THE IDIOT

Tell me what you like about each other.

Well...

She's... She's smart,

and she has a good sense of humor...

You don't.

And in bed, she's explosive.

And you, ma'am?

He's...

He's smart,

he has a good sense of humor...

OK. And what don't you like?

-He's a cheater. -I'm leaving.

Did you continue couples therapy?

No, but I saw the therapist again.

And did you love me?

I've only ever loved you.

My beautiful Marie...

I love your hair.

-Do you remember this? -Of course I do.

You know, I remember everything,

like the day I gave you your first bike.

-My red bike. -Yes.

I loved it.

Do you know I rode it until I was 16?

The saddle and handlebars could be raised.

Of course.

I've always thought too big.

I waited so long for you.

You didn't come much,

and when you said you would, most of the time you didn't.

Marie.

Come inside. It's getting dark.

So, one day, I decided I wouldn't wait for you anymore.

Marieke.

Marie... I brought some books for you.

I have Proust,

I have The Plague by Camus,

The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo,

I have...

I have Flemish poets.

Do you know Guido Gezelle?

Do you know Hugo Claus?

Yes...

I have Tolstoy...

She doesn't want to see you.

I'll leave them here.

And you never came back.

Living without Dad

Dad, this isn't it

You could have done it

My dad doesn't want to

Living without Dad

Mom, tell us it'll be OK

To be a dad like you

Baby, we don't want that

Living without you, Dad

When Dad's not there

There are fathers like that on Earth

But not you, Dad

But not you, Dad

CULTURAL EVENTS IN A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

With this exceptional program,

you won 0.5% of the vote in the last election.

Yes, at the polls.

Elections are by ballot only.

Members of the royal family

are placed in migrant homes

and they can be all-round servants.

You're a dreamer, Dad.

I'm going to pee.

So, why didn't you go with Alex and do your show in Paris?

I want to go to Paris too, damn it.

-I tried. -What's Paris?

It's the Champs-Élysées,

Montmartre, Saint-Denis Street...

Yes, I told them in Paris that we're a duo.

They said, "Listen, the problem with the other guy,

"is that he's too utopian, too political."

"Utopian"? "Political"? Screw them...

Here, I'll leave you the boat.