The Simpsons

D'oh!

D'oh!

Episode 10,432:

"Leave It To Cleaver."

Sponsored by delicious Cream of Rye.

Which one's the cat?

Okay.

Hour 14 of our marathon.

Now let's watch Episode 10,433:

"Cat Scratch Cleaver"!

Enough with the cartoons.

You'll rot your brains.

Leave brain alone.

Ugh, I've been watching so much TV, I can't move my head.

- I'll fix him. - Careful, Dad!

If I'd have been careful, I wouldn't have had you.

- - Ooh!

Eh? Eh?

- -

Now I can't go to school. Or church.

Hallelujah! Ah!

We're going to spend family time together

without watching TV.

Mom is right.

Americans watch way too much TV.

How many hours? Let me Google that.

Ha! Instead of T-V, I typed T-B.

Let me Google that.

Turn off the devices, pronto!

Pronto. Odd word.

- Let me Google that. - Mm. Mm.

Hey, I'm doing something educational.

Educational, my foot.

I saw pixels.

It's TunnelCraft.

A simulated world where you explore, mine resources,

and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.

Can you die in it?

- Yes. - It's a video game.

I got a family activity for ya.

In the Depression, we'd sit around the wood stove

and sing songs about poverty.

Enough!

- I know what we're going to do. - Huh?

- Ah. - We're going to go out.

We're going to get some books

and we're going to read those books.

This is the very last chance

for this family to get reading in their lives.

So get on your feet, bubs.

We are taking a walk.

To the library.

Where you'll have to be quiet.

Wait, you're closing?

You wanna read? Start with the sign.

Oh, can't we just go in for five minutes?

Up to you.

But after 2:00, the silverfish take over.

Ah!

I just wanted to renew my card!

Hmm. DVDs, plush toys, crullers...

I don't see many books.

Yeah, the only actual books are coffee table books.

Barn Doors of Topeka,

Dogs Eating Ice Cream,

Jigsaw Puzzles with One Piece Missing,

Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon...

Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a bookstore.

Amazon! Of course!

Alexa!

Order books!

I already did.

Your mind is open to me.

They'll be home before I am.

Ma'am, if you really want to read,

check out our proprietary e-reader:

The Bookaccino "Niche."

Um, excuse me.

That device is poorly designed.

I would register my disgust,

but it corrects with auto praise.

Hmm.

Ugh!

Finally, a bookstore that sells books.

Oh, oatmeal. - I love the smell of old books.

Ah...

Wouldn't do that, miss.

The air in here

has a lot of particulate rat droppings.

Ugh!

Okay.

Let's book up and bug out.

Here you go, Bart:

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Maggie: In Cold Blood.

Lisa: With No Apologies: The Memoirs of Barry Goldwater.

Lisa, look!

The Princess in the Garden, by Heloise Hodgeson Burwell.

Hmm.

It's my very favorite book

from when I was a girl.

It's for ages ten and up,

but I think you're ready.

If you think so.

Wait a minute.

One bar... two bars...

five bars.

You're not reading a book.

- You're in a Wi-Fi hotspot! - Dad, please.

I'm trying to reserve tickets to TunnelCraft-Con.

What? What the hell is that?

Uh, duh, it's a convention

for kids who play TunnelCraft.

It's got skins, betas, mods...

exclusive access to the top devs.

No convention. And that's almost final.

But I'm dying to go, fatso.

- Now it is final! -

What do you have for a kid

who wishes his father was dead?

Try this. The Art of War,

written 3,000 years ago by General Sun Tzu.

Well, there's "war" in the title and very few pages.

The only flaw is it's a book.

Young man, are you sure you want war with your father?

Mmm. Mm-hmm.

I do not seek war,

but neither do I turn away.

If you use this book,

your father will lie shattered before the gates of your palace.

Oh, mighty general!

I beg to be your unworthy footstool.

When he sleeps, I will steal the jewels from his topknot.

Hey, Mom, I found something to read!

Wonderful!

What a great family day.

And there is only one perfect way

to complete a great family day.

So, how's the family?

I think they went to dinner. Something nice.

Nelson's coming our way.

My nose is pre-bleeding.

I'm picking on Bart.

You like books, huh?

Well, here's a bookmark.

If your enemy is easily enraged, irritate him.

I heard you're not strong, you're just fat.

Fat? Me?

You try eating healthy at a strip club buffet!

Oh!

Whoa! Willy!

- - Get me out of here!

- - It's on fire! Willy!

Hmm. Maybe wisdom isn't so stupid after all.

Milhouse, I'm gonna use this book to go to TunnelCraft-Con.

Here's the book I'm reading.

When I finish this,

I'll have read every Mary Kate and Ashley book.

Sometimes I feel like the third sister.

Ooh.

He opposed the religious right.

Okay, this is my favorite book ever, but no pressure.

You realize saying "no pressure"

puts me under tremendous pressure.

Then let's get started.

"Not all English girls"

grow up in England.

Clara grew up in South America